This is such powerful work, Alex. I absolutely resonate with this on every level. Its speaks to the juice of life. The fundamental experience we avoid while carefully preparing for the next part of the 'plan'. Thanks for putting this in a way that will help so many.
Thank you, Mark. I appreciate you reading and sharing your thoughts. We do often avoid it while carefully preparing... but, it comes up for us anyway. We cannot hide from aliveness forever :)
Thank you Alex. You truly do feed my the deep thought canyon in my mind with a route to different avenues of exploration. At my advanced age it isn’t as simple as one might think to sit back and “go with the flow”. I’m sure many people think age is just a number and for many in good health and mobility it is a terrific concept. I attempt to be content among my limitations daily. Quite honestly however, the breakdown of my body and certain levels within my mind are leading my way. Don’t misunderstand me, most days I just sit and blank out the thoughts about my condition and change my present with others’ words of wisdom or adventures through reading, or streaming. I do not have the capability nor strength to get myself from the house, assistance is always required now. I do not have a driver’s license, among other complications. Through your words I can see that station, picture the train and the people. As if I’m watching a movie I clearly see you and the people you encounter, or in some cases observe. I admit I cannot always grasp the entire essence of your encounters, but I do reflect upon them because that’s the most I can muster. So I’m grateful when I see your posts, re-read you and other Substack writers I admire, become transported leading to a calming from my anxiety. Living in my present aliveness is a whole new world and I would never had even thought of this concept had you not written it and shared it. Always your friend and devoted reader, ❤️🌼
Thank you, Kathy! I'm always so glad you are here, and that you are always reading and sharing what you take away. I'm truly honored.
You are right - "going with the flow" is very nuanced. It can mean so many things at many stages of life. But right now, I'm so glad that you can live in your present aliveness and experience that as a new concept. Getting to try that on, experience that, and see where that takes you and what that means is exciting!
Life is challenging for you right now. Everything that you have shared feels so very much! So, I'm glad that you are here, my friend. I hope you know that you can always reach out! I'm here for you. 🩵
I will never look at my restlessness again in the same way. Yes, looking back I can see that it lead me to places my heart was yearning for. Thank you for this Alex! How affirming! And in words that just clicked for me. You're a beautiful writer!
Alex, more beautiful insights from you. Friend, I continue to feel in awe of your depth and thoughtfulness in everything you share, in the fact that you share yourself so honestly. Reading this today opened something in me, a realization about myself, and it's this: I have inhabited this body for 44 years, and my survival skill has been to "play it safe." But what my inner child, or what I call The Artist, has always wanted was to explore. Not to play it safe, but to play. To ask questions. To seek. That's me at the core. That's my truest self. And I've been resisting it for so long. Even now, after I took that leap five years ago to switch from the comfortable freelance career I'd built into this unknown and terrifying "bigger ocean" of the mainstream literary community, I still feel like I'm scared of so much.
But the thing I've learned about myself, too, is that despite the fact that I was born into fear and fear largely shaped my worldview (because mainly of my mom's psychopathology and therefore, influence), I have always decided to confront it. I learned from a young age that if I did not stand face to face with fear, then it would dominate my life and rob me of a truly fulfilling existence.
What I'm saying is this: almost everything I do, every day, is some type of confrontation of fear inside of me. It's pushing back against the long-held narratives that keep saying "what if this happens" or "you shouldn't do that" and instead, I am defying it by asking it back, "What if it doesn't happen?" or "Why shouldn't I?" It's not reckless or impulsive, it's intentional. It's my way of saying that I will not allow fear to be bigger than my curiosity. I will not allow it to have the final word.
When I am feeling most centered, I let fear have a seat at the table in my psyche, and I listen to it, respect it, but I don't allow it to dominate the conversation. I simply acknowledge its presence, thank it for keeping me safe throughout my life, and ask it to be quiet long enough to let the other parts of me talk--the parts that want (need) to take healthy risks in order to grow, to become.
That's what your essay opened up in me today. Thank you, always.
Thank you, my friend, for such a deeply beautiful and vulnerable share. I'm always so grateful to come to my article to respond to your comments.
I love that you've named your inner child 'The Artist.'
This: "Not to play it safe, but to play. To ask questions. To seek. That's me at the core. That's my truest self." I believe that about you. I see that in almost every interaction. You are such an exploratory person. Discovery is your superpower! And then to express what you discovery? Your magic 🩵
I love that you push back against fear in the way that you share. It is such a gentle questioning that invites yourself to consider a different way of thinking. It is beautiful.
There is so much magic in this section of your comment: When I am feeling most centered, I let fear have a seat at the table in my psyche, and I listen to it, respect it, but I don't allow it to dominate the conversation. I hope so many people were able to read your comment and see the wisdom in working with their fear in such an empathetic and powerful way. Wow! You are so amazing. Powerful. Incredible. Thank YOU for sharing your wisdom today. 🩵
Thank you, Alex, for reflecting back to me the parts of myself I hadn't seen as clearly as I do when you share what you see in me. That is one of your many gifts!
"A plan is static...Direction is dynamic...". Mic drop. This is the sparkly amethyst truth hidden inside the geode of my WIP climate-disaster-survival memoir. Thank you for these powerful thoughts. I needed this magic today.
Thank you, Wendy! I'm so glad that this essay found you right when you needed it! I can't wait for this climate-disaster-survival memoir! Sounds so interesting 🩵
Thank you Alex. I really felt this one. I’m navigating a part time job that is necessary for financial survival, but has been so difficult for me physically and emotionally. I won’t get into too much in a short comment, but this essay really helped me see something I’ve not been seeing. Thank you 🙏🏼
I'm so glad this essay could resonate with you and shed light on an area of your life like that! Work can be necessary, but it often intersects in ways that detract from our physical and emotional health and well-being. I'm grateful that you are here and that I could help in a small way. 🩵
This whole series, has awoken my writing desire that I didn't admit to myself that I was even feeling. And this paragraph sums it up! "Your aliveness is the match you've been holding, the soup you've been swimming in, the cry you've been apologizing for, the current you've been damming." Thank you for putting words to my heart! 💛
I'm so grateful you are here! I love that paragraph so much too. It summarizes the essence of each of these four strangers. I think you are such a talented writing. If anything I can write can be a spark for you, then I am honored. I am a bit behind in commented on substack articles, but I did see that you changed your substack name and direction a bit, and I'm SO excited to see this new direction. SO EXCITED. Hope and kindness matter. They always will. But I'm so excited to walk alongside you. 🩵 This will be an amazing journey, my friend.
I am wondering how I found this today I am just sitting in the sunshine after a late lunch and randomly scrolling through the gentleness of the menu Substack is providing and wham an article that hits me as if I was its intended target. I feel as though I’ve had the kind of therapy session I imagine therapy to be at its best; as though you have been reading my mind for the last few months ! It’s an article I want to print out, highlight, reference back to my own journal notes, to do lists and dream plans Thank you!
Oh no - I'm confused - I certainly do have free subscriptions! Free articles come out every Tuesday! I have a paid article that comes out every Thursday that is related to the Tuesday article. But... I started with a free subscription and will always have a robust free subscription because that is what I believe in!
I'm sorry if there is any confusion. Please reach out if something else is showing otherwise. Happy to figure things out with you.
Maybe! I love Substack, but it can be confusing at times for both readers and writers 😃. I accidentally click that button all the time. Rest assured, there will always be more free subscription content compared to paid subscription content.
That is my approach, it is what feels right to me, and so, that's how I go about it!
Thank you for your kind comment! I'm so so glad that you found this during your lunchtime :) I love that you had sort of a therapy session that you needed - you have had an experience that I hope everyone can have with my writing. Thank you for sharing, and know that you are welcome here always!
Thank you for your kind comment! I'm so so glad that you found this during your lunchtime :) I love that you had sort of a therapy session that you needed - you have had an experience that I hope everyone can have with my writing. Thank you for sharing, and know that you are welcome here always!
A month of paying attention and you found another form of hiding that we do to justify our lives! What if we all learned to pay attention? I've been practicing being where I am, no matter what that looks like. Being in the moment and refusing to check out, to numb out, etc. This is a promise I made, a vow. To feel it all. Being a sensitive, emotional, empathetic *which also carries the word pathetic sometimes.) It hasn't been easy, but it's been educational in a big way. It is NOT gentle, but it gives us what we need, if we are paying attention. We are either becoming, or we're outgrowing our shell/skin so to speak on our way to it. I love the work you did this past month. Slices of a well-lived life. Love, Virg
I really resonate with this line, Virg: " It is NOT gentle, but it gives us what we need, if we are paying attention." Refusing to check out, refusing to be numb, to be in the moment, no matter the information we are receiving... it is hard. Even in moments of deep joy, it can be so tricky.
I also feel, sooooo much, when you say - "which also carries the word pathetic sometimes." Ooof. But let's both work to shed that. Let's be powerful empathetic and sensitive people. 🩵
Thanks Alex. When I'm in my power, I refer to myself as an "Empathetic Badass." This is my superpower and my best characteristic. Not that it's always fun, or good, or pretty or healthy. Sometimes I get pretty beat up, emotionally and mentallly. I still would rather be all of that , than not to feel. Recovering addict that I am, I DO know the difference.
Alex, this post is outstanding; I love the June series so much! Regarding aliveness, I love what you say, "Even when it burns. Even when it dissolves everything you thought you knew. Even when it makes noise. Even when it carves a path no one else understands."
I agree the being alive involves accepting uncertainty and new paths that we may or may not understand. When I set out to become a veterinarian, life had other plans for me: in college I became an English major, which had a ton of uncertainty. Of course, my cancer diagnosis threw me into a world of uncertainty, but that, too, unfortunately is part of life. I wasn't really unique or alone. Too many people get ill from all sorts of conditions/diseases.
Now I've started my art business because I have felt called to it. It's taken a long time to accept the changes in my life swirling around, but I had no choice but to accept them.
Thank you for such an insightful, wonderfully written essay, Alex. I appreciate you and your insights!
Oh, thank you, my friend, I appreciate your words so much. My life has taken so many paths that I didn't anticipate. And, I'm so grateful for that! It is the beauty of life. And perhaps the pain of life too.
I always love hearing about your life. You have had such a diversity of experiences. And this newest place the river is taking you? Your artist career is going to be such a new and unique and amazing experience for you, and I'm so thrilled that I get to experience your journey alongside of you.
This is such powerful work, Alex. I absolutely resonate with this on every level. Its speaks to the juice of life. The fundamental experience we avoid while carefully preparing for the next part of the 'plan'. Thanks for putting this in a way that will help so many.
Thank you, Mark. I appreciate you reading and sharing your thoughts. We do often avoid it while carefully preparing... but, it comes up for us anyway. We cannot hide from aliveness forever :)
That we can't!
Thank you Alex. You truly do feed my the deep thought canyon in my mind with a route to different avenues of exploration. At my advanced age it isn’t as simple as one might think to sit back and “go with the flow”. I’m sure many people think age is just a number and for many in good health and mobility it is a terrific concept. I attempt to be content among my limitations daily. Quite honestly however, the breakdown of my body and certain levels within my mind are leading my way. Don’t misunderstand me, most days I just sit and blank out the thoughts about my condition and change my present with others’ words of wisdom or adventures through reading, or streaming. I do not have the capability nor strength to get myself from the house, assistance is always required now. I do not have a driver’s license, among other complications. Through your words I can see that station, picture the train and the people. As if I’m watching a movie I clearly see you and the people you encounter, or in some cases observe. I admit I cannot always grasp the entire essence of your encounters, but I do reflect upon them because that’s the most I can muster. So I’m grateful when I see your posts, re-read you and other Substack writers I admire, become transported leading to a calming from my anxiety. Living in my present aliveness is a whole new world and I would never had even thought of this concept had you not written it and shared it. Always your friend and devoted reader, ❤️🌼
Thank you, Kathy! I'm always so glad you are here, and that you are always reading and sharing what you take away. I'm truly honored.
You are right - "going with the flow" is very nuanced. It can mean so many things at many stages of life. But right now, I'm so glad that you can live in your present aliveness and experience that as a new concept. Getting to try that on, experience that, and see where that takes you and what that means is exciting!
Life is challenging for you right now. Everything that you have shared feels so very much! So, I'm glad that you are here, my friend. I hope you know that you can always reach out! I'm here for you. 🩵
I will never look at my restlessness again in the same way. Yes, looking back I can see that it lead me to places my heart was yearning for. Thank you for this Alex! How affirming! And in words that just clicked for me. You're a beautiful writer!
Alex, more beautiful insights from you. Friend, I continue to feel in awe of your depth and thoughtfulness in everything you share, in the fact that you share yourself so honestly. Reading this today opened something in me, a realization about myself, and it's this: I have inhabited this body for 44 years, and my survival skill has been to "play it safe." But what my inner child, or what I call The Artist, has always wanted was to explore. Not to play it safe, but to play. To ask questions. To seek. That's me at the core. That's my truest self. And I've been resisting it for so long. Even now, after I took that leap five years ago to switch from the comfortable freelance career I'd built into this unknown and terrifying "bigger ocean" of the mainstream literary community, I still feel like I'm scared of so much.
But the thing I've learned about myself, too, is that despite the fact that I was born into fear and fear largely shaped my worldview (because mainly of my mom's psychopathology and therefore, influence), I have always decided to confront it. I learned from a young age that if I did not stand face to face with fear, then it would dominate my life and rob me of a truly fulfilling existence.
What I'm saying is this: almost everything I do, every day, is some type of confrontation of fear inside of me. It's pushing back against the long-held narratives that keep saying "what if this happens" or "you shouldn't do that" and instead, I am defying it by asking it back, "What if it doesn't happen?" or "Why shouldn't I?" It's not reckless or impulsive, it's intentional. It's my way of saying that I will not allow fear to be bigger than my curiosity. I will not allow it to have the final word.
When I am feeling most centered, I let fear have a seat at the table in my psyche, and I listen to it, respect it, but I don't allow it to dominate the conversation. I simply acknowledge its presence, thank it for keeping me safe throughout my life, and ask it to be quiet long enough to let the other parts of me talk--the parts that want (need) to take healthy risks in order to grow, to become.
That's what your essay opened up in me today. Thank you, always.
Thank you, my friend, for such a deeply beautiful and vulnerable share. I'm always so grateful to come to my article to respond to your comments.
I love that you've named your inner child 'The Artist.'
This: "Not to play it safe, but to play. To ask questions. To seek. That's me at the core. That's my truest self." I believe that about you. I see that in almost every interaction. You are such an exploratory person. Discovery is your superpower! And then to express what you discovery? Your magic 🩵
I love that you push back against fear in the way that you share. It is such a gentle questioning that invites yourself to consider a different way of thinking. It is beautiful.
There is so much magic in this section of your comment: When I am feeling most centered, I let fear have a seat at the table in my psyche, and I listen to it, respect it, but I don't allow it to dominate the conversation. I hope so many people were able to read your comment and see the wisdom in working with their fear in such an empathetic and powerful way. Wow! You are so amazing. Powerful. Incredible. Thank YOU for sharing your wisdom today. 🩵
Thank you, Alex, for reflecting back to me the parts of myself I hadn't seen as clearly as I do when you share what you see in me. That is one of your many gifts!
"A plan is static...Direction is dynamic...". Mic drop. This is the sparkly amethyst truth hidden inside the geode of my WIP climate-disaster-survival memoir. Thank you for these powerful thoughts. I needed this magic today.
Thank you, Wendy! I'm so glad that this essay found you right when you needed it! I can't wait for this climate-disaster-survival memoir! Sounds so interesting 🩵
Thank you Alex. I really felt this one. I’m navigating a part time job that is necessary for financial survival, but has been so difficult for me physically and emotionally. I won’t get into too much in a short comment, but this essay really helped me see something I’ve not been seeing. Thank you 🙏🏼
I'm so glad this essay could resonate with you and shed light on an area of your life like that! Work can be necessary, but it often intersects in ways that detract from our physical and emotional health and well-being. I'm grateful that you are here and that I could help in a small way. 🩵
🥰
This whole series, has awoken my writing desire that I didn't admit to myself that I was even feeling. And this paragraph sums it up! "Your aliveness is the match you've been holding, the soup you've been swimming in, the cry you've been apologizing for, the current you've been damming." Thank you for putting words to my heart! 💛
I'm so grateful you are here! I love that paragraph so much too. It summarizes the essence of each of these four strangers. I think you are such a talented writing. If anything I can write can be a spark for you, then I am honored. I am a bit behind in commented on substack articles, but I did see that you changed your substack name and direction a bit, and I'm SO excited to see this new direction. SO EXCITED. Hope and kindness matter. They always will. But I'm so excited to walk alongside you. 🩵 This will be an amazing journey, my friend.
Thank you Alex! I so appreciate that! ❤
I am wondering how I found this today I am just sitting in the sunshine after a late lunch and randomly scrolling through the gentleness of the menu Substack is providing and wham an article that hits me as if I was its intended target. I feel as though I’ve had the kind of therapy session I imagine therapy to be at its best; as though you have been reading my mind for the last few months ! It’s an article I want to print out, highlight, reference back to my own journal notes, to do lists and dream plans Thank you!
Even more surprised now I see you have no free subscriptions!!
Hi Anne!
Oh no - I'm confused - I certainly do have free subscriptions! Free articles come out every Tuesday! I have a paid article that comes out every Thursday that is related to the Tuesday article. But... I started with a free subscription and will always have a robust free subscription because that is what I believe in!
I'm sorry if there is any confusion. Please reach out if something else is showing otherwise. Happy to figure things out with you.
Hi Alex, Yes you do! Maybe I clicked the upgrade button? But thank you for having free stuff too to explore.
Maybe! I love Substack, but it can be confusing at times for both readers and writers 😃. I accidentally click that button all the time. Rest assured, there will always be more free subscription content compared to paid subscription content.
That is my approach, it is what feels right to me, and so, that's how I go about it!
Hi Anne!
Thank you for your kind comment! I'm so so glad that you found this during your lunchtime :) I love that you had sort of a therapy session that you needed - you have had an experience that I hope everyone can have with my writing. Thank you for sharing, and know that you are welcome here always!
Hi Anne!
Thank you for your kind comment! I'm so so glad that you found this during your lunchtime :) I love that you had sort of a therapy session that you needed - you have had an experience that I hope everyone can have with my writing. Thank you for sharing, and know that you are welcome here always!
A month of paying attention and you found another form of hiding that we do to justify our lives! What if we all learned to pay attention? I've been practicing being where I am, no matter what that looks like. Being in the moment and refusing to check out, to numb out, etc. This is a promise I made, a vow. To feel it all. Being a sensitive, emotional, empathetic *which also carries the word pathetic sometimes.) It hasn't been easy, but it's been educational in a big way. It is NOT gentle, but it gives us what we need, if we are paying attention. We are either becoming, or we're outgrowing our shell/skin so to speak on our way to it. I love the work you did this past month. Slices of a well-lived life. Love, Virg
I really resonate with this line, Virg: " It is NOT gentle, but it gives us what we need, if we are paying attention." Refusing to check out, refusing to be numb, to be in the moment, no matter the information we are receiving... it is hard. Even in moments of deep joy, it can be so tricky.
I also feel, sooooo much, when you say - "which also carries the word pathetic sometimes." Ooof. But let's both work to shed that. Let's be powerful empathetic and sensitive people. 🩵
Thanks Alex. When I'm in my power, I refer to myself as an "Empathetic Badass." This is my superpower and my best characteristic. Not that it's always fun, or good, or pretty or healthy. Sometimes I get pretty beat up, emotionally and mentallly. I still would rather be all of that , than not to feel. Recovering addict that I am, I DO know the difference.
The more we can open to the beautiful, yet messy unraveling, the more truth is revealed.
Absolutely, Jimmy. Thank you for reading 🩵
Alex, this post is outstanding; I love the June series so much! Regarding aliveness, I love what you say, "Even when it burns. Even when it dissolves everything you thought you knew. Even when it makes noise. Even when it carves a path no one else understands."
I agree the being alive involves accepting uncertainty and new paths that we may or may not understand. When I set out to become a veterinarian, life had other plans for me: in college I became an English major, which had a ton of uncertainty. Of course, my cancer diagnosis threw me into a world of uncertainty, but that, too, unfortunately is part of life. I wasn't really unique or alone. Too many people get ill from all sorts of conditions/diseases.
Now I've started my art business because I have felt called to it. It's taken a long time to accept the changes in my life swirling around, but I had no choice but to accept them.
Thank you for such an insightful, wonderfully written essay, Alex. I appreciate you and your insights!
Oh, thank you, my friend, I appreciate your words so much. My life has taken so many paths that I didn't anticipate. And, I'm so grateful for that! It is the beauty of life. And perhaps the pain of life too.
I always love hearing about your life. You have had such a diversity of experiences. And this newest place the river is taking you? Your artist career is going to be such a new and unique and amazing experience for you, and I'm so thrilled that I get to experience your journey alongside of you.
Our pure nature knows:
No. Stop. That’s not who we are.
True free aliveness?
So true. Our purest nature knows. And It will only stay quiet for so long before it shouts at us! 🩵