Beyond Gratitude
An easy method for living a grateful life
Last week, I shared about a nasty car accident I was in. It was one of those experiences that (maybe a bit cliché) really shakes you up and makes you think about life, what you want to do with it, and what you'd rather leave behind.
In the midst of the pain and confusion, a surprising thing happened: I was flooded with gratitude.
I'm not quite ready to check out of this world just yet. There's so much I still want to do. And I'm incredibly thankful for the chance to keep working towards those goals.
I've been overwhelmed by the kindness so many people have shown me. The "get well" texts and messages overflowing with love, the willingness to show up and actually help with practical things... even the food and goodies people sent (seriously, that was a lifesaver in ways I didn't even realize).
All of this has made me so grateful for life and the people around me.
But it also got me thinking about gratitude itself. More specifically, moving beyond feeling grateful and expressing gratitude to actually living a grateful life.
Let me tell you, it's a game-changer.
We're introduced to the concept of gratitude super early in life. You know the drill:
"What do you say to Uncle Alex?"
"Tank yewww!"
Cue the "oohs" and "ahhs" as the adorable toddler learns to conform to societal expectations.
Fast-forward to adulthood and our expressions of gratitude often morph into gratitude journals, usually prompted by a therapist suggesting we need to work on it or a blog headline screaming, "Want to be happy? Be grateful!"
Look, I'm not saying don't be grateful. Please, express it! Keep that gratitude journal, write about it, tell people when you appreciate something they've done, count your blessings... do all of that.
But there's something missing.
Two things, actually: presence and embodiment.
It's great that we identify things to be grateful for and acknowledge them. But we often miss what those things do for us, what they continue to do for us, and how they make us feel.
When we find our presence within gratitude and connect with how it shapes our lives and emotions, that's when we start to fully live gratefully.
So, how do we do it?
Try to Pause, Connect, and Expand (PCE).
The PCE method for gratitude is like a gentle nudge into a more grateful way of life. It helps us center ourselves in the present moment and really feel how the things we're thankful for truly impact us.
Here's how it works:
Pause & Notice: What am I grateful for right now? It's like shining a spotlight on that one thing that's making your heart sing.
Connect & Reflect: How does this gratitude make me feel? What impact has it had on my life? This step takes you deeper, encouraging you to connect with the emotions and feelings that gratitude brings up and think about why it matters so much.
Expand & Share: How can I express my appreciation or pay this gratitude forward? This is where you take action! Whether it's through words, actions, or even a creative expression, this step is about sharing your gratitude with the world.
Without that connection, it's tough to turn gratitude into action. But with these simple steps, you can transform your gratitude from a fleeting feeling to a way of life.
Here's what it might look like (with a silly example to get you started):
Pause & Notice: I am grateful for my morning coffee.
Connect & Reflect: It gives me a sense of comfort and warmth, helps me feel more alert and focused, and it's a little ritual I look forward to. It's like a warm hug for my brain to start the day!
Expand & Share: I can savor each sip, appreciate the aroma, thank whoever made it, share a cup with someone else, or even write a note to the coffee roaster to let them know how much I enjoyed their beans.
See? It's not rocket science, but it can make a world of difference.
You can download a .PDF of the tool here:
It is through authentic action that we live gratefully.
I truly believe that action is the secret behind why gratitude helps us achieve greater levels of happiness (and even better than happiness? Fulfillment).
When we act on our gratitude, we're not just saying "thank you." We're embodying that gratitude, letting it flow through us and into the world. This creates a ripple effect of positivity, strengthening our connections with others and reminding us of what truly matters.
And on a deeper level, it aligns our actions with our values, giving us a sense of purpose and meaning that goes beyond fleeting happiness.
So, I'm grateful. And to be honest, putting these feelings into practice with the PCE method has been a game-changer.
Let me share some examples of how my gratitude has transformed:
Gratitude 1:
I'm so grateful for my best friend, Luis, who left work early and drove across (two) counties to be with me at the ER after my accident. His presence brought me immense comfort and reassurance during a scary time. Knowing he was there for me made me feel less alone and more supported. I felt so cared for.
How can I express my gratitude?
I can tell Luis how much his actions meant to me and how much I value our friendship. I can also be there for him, just as he was there for me.
Gratitude 2:
I'm so thankful for the care package from Tiffany. The cookies, tea, honey, and ice pack weren't just practical – they were a reminder that someone was thinking of me, that I'm loved. The ice pack soothed my aching muscles, and those snickerdoodles? Pure heaven.
How can I express my gratitude?
I can send Tiffany a thank-you note or a small gift, and I can also pay her kindness forward by offering support or a listening ear if she ever needs it.
Gratitude 3:
I'm grateful for Mindi and the marketing department's soup and mac & cheese they sent. It felt like a warm hug from my work family, a reminder that I'm part of a community that cares. It brought a smile to my face when I needed it most.
How can I express my gratitude?
I can write a heartfelt thank-you note to Mindi and the team, and I can look for ways to support them in return, maybe by offering help on a project or bringing in treats to share.
—
Doing gratitude this way feels different. It's not just about listing things I'm thankful for. It's about connecting with how those things make me feel and what they've changed for me.
It amplifies my gratitude, inspires me to take action now, and prepares me to do even more in the future. It's a shift in perspective, a way of being in the world that feels more connected, more meaningful, and more fulfilling.
As I heal physically from the accident, I'm also healing emotionally and spiritually. The PCE method has been a guiding light, reminding me that even after a life-altering event, there are always reasons to be grateful. It's helped me move away from anger and resentment and find joy in the smallest things, like the warmth of the sun on my face or the sound of my dog snoring at my feet.
This isn't just about saying "thank you." It's about living in a state of active appreciation. It's about letting gratitude flow through every cell of your being and radiate outward, touching the lives of those around you. It's about choosing to focus on the good, even when things get tough.
So, here's to gratitude – not just as a fleeting feeling, but as a way of life. May we all embrace it with open arms, letting it guide us toward greater happiness, deeper connections, and a more meaningful existence.
After all, in the words of Melody Beattie, "Gratitude turns what we have into enough."
I’m trying to get back to publishing every Thursday. Writing is just a little harder right now… concussions are no joke. I appreciate your patience.
Gratitude is a secret key to MindShifting, and without it, we languish in the pool of despair. Expressing gratitude in our self-talk chatter rewrites our reality on the spot!
I’m so excited to try this method! Thank you for using examples to illustrate it. That is how I learn best! I love the quote you included from M.Beattie - I highlighted it my first book. I feel so much synchronicity with your work and style of delivery. Grateful for our connection!