Wow, this made me feel as if I’m on the ground floor of a revelation just itching to be exposed. The anticipation I feel is real. Unfinished things that have been waiting for your special touch and deep thought provoking reasons for all the hesitancy comes racing through my mind on its own express locomotive. You pull me in like a giant magnet where resistance is non-existent. I want to know about your journeys, your experiences, the emotions they provoked in you or possibly evoked in you. You are so gifted with a talent Alex. Thank you so much for sharing these “revelations”. Truly your words trigger my deepest thoughts and emotions about another human being…you.
Alex, Those darn fire alarms. My life is very settled so I will have to contemplate your question for a while about what I think must be perfect in order to begin. My backyard is a shambles because I had my drainage field redone yesterday, but I'm just sitting with the half of the landscape that looks like it's been dug up and put back roughly.
I moved into this house nearly 3 years ago. Everything has been unpacked and "put in its place" for at least 2.75 of those years. And yet, it still feels unfinished. The grey wall colors that someone else picked out feels like I'm living in someone else's bad days. That kitchen cabinet door that keeps catching on its sloppy hinge taunts me of the frustrations of prior husband's who can't keep up with the "honey-do" lists.
Nothing is ever fully finished. And remnants of what used to be always linger. It's just how the human condition works.
I love reading your metaphors and descriptions. You put things into words and images in ways that make me think "that's brilliant...and so Alex..." and challenges me to be a better descriptive and sensory writer every day.
Thank you, my friend, for sharing some of these descriptions and sensory details! I feel like they make life more rich and fun as we pause and notice them.
I agree - nothing really is ever finished, no matter how much we wish them to be. It is life. 🩵
No apologies necessary. What you have produced here is an excellent, ingenious treatise on the value of uncertainty and the state of becoming and being unfinished. I love, love, love this post. There are so many beautiful quotables here, but here's one that struck me:
"Our culture fetishizes finish lines. We're obsessed with completion as if life is a series of projects to check off rather than a continuous unfolding of messy wonder.
The truth about transitions: they're not the space between real-life moments. They are the real-life moments."
There's so much truth in what you say. It's easy to say one is not ready to start a project yet, for example, but it's so important to start in the first place. You've really inspired me; I've started my art business and am struggling with the website, not wanting to make it live until it's perfect. However, I should just make the damn thing live, even while I'm revising parts of it.
Yes. Make the damn thing live! Revise as you need to.
Websites are hard. I can relate - it is SO easy to get bogged down into perfection mode.
Can I share something that has become a hallmark line in my coaching practice? Coaching with me is a series of small experiments. Little adjustments you make, week after week.
And that can be applied to so many things. Including making websites. Perhaps, if you looked at your website as a series of small experiments, it could help you move out of the perfection trap? When we are launching something we will never know what will resonate. But we can guess and we can experiment over time. 🩵
I can’t wait to see. Will you share your website with me when it’s live? I’d love to celebrate you.
OK, Alex, this is great! "Alex Unfiltered" is just...awesome. Reminds me of when we do our Creator Retreat small group and you just insert these hilarious one-liners in such a deadpan way. I love that. Sometimes I think I'm the only one who catches that type of humor, but it's great. There is a way about you where you can write about something deep, serious, and painful even, then insert levity at the exact right moment--I think you allow your reader to take a breath and pause in between the spaces of heaviness. I struggle with that.
About your apology email: please don't feel you need to do that! We love you just the way you are, and honestly? Showing up as your messy, true self (with the cereal in a measuring cup--hilarious and relatable!) is the reason we are all here, cheering you on in your digital corner of Substack.
Well Alex this is profound for me right now, I have made a decision, only small but have been putting off the when until….well until what, I’ve been me, on this earth for decades why would the change happen this month, next month, later in the year…….after listening to your insights, which always come at the right time for me somehow, I’ll just get on with this life and wait for nothing !!!
Enjoy your unpacking, hope you find the spices soon!!
Hi Dr. A! You and I are vibing today, as I am ruminating on the same things. I started singing lessons six months ago, because I love singing. My progress has been slow, but I'm doing it anyway, for now at least. We're always one step away from new possibilities if we just keep going no matter how imperfectly.
Dear Alexander, this post invites me in to your new house as it is.
I’ll stop by and bring the Chinese and a couple crisp white beers (or the athletic n/a beer if you prefer. I love that too).
We’ll sit whenever we melt, and just share the process.
Who wrote the lie you carry that the ground work must be perfect? That’s a fallacy. Sounds a lot like my H.S, English teacher who demanded we all have outlines before we write a single thing. Rubbish I say.
There is a line from Under the Tuscan Sun that I love “when you first move in. “You must greet each object with kindness and reverence, for it all has something to to teach us. “ that’s not an exact quote, but close enough for horseshoes.
You’re still greeting this space.
Maybe instead of putting the silverware in the drawer that logically seems correct, you pause and ask the house goddess where would it be best to stow the silverware? (As long as she doesn’t say the oven. We’re okay.
One box at a time is still the guideline that holds true. All the remaining boxes get shoved out of the way, up against the wall.
You’ve got this Alexander.
And the realization that “our culture fetishizes finish lines.” Is SO clear. Let’s break that rule along with many others we’ve carried.
So many little gems tucked into this piece, so where do I start?
I love how you "hammered a nail into uncertainty and called it home." What is it about bare walls anyway? Also love that you forged ahead and cooked that awkward meal. I'm not looking for a food-stack anyway!
I have never been and will never be a perfectionist, so I can't use the excuse of wanting something to be perfect before I send it out into the world or whatever. Maybe it is more about me feeling ready. It's not so much about having that perfect piece of writing to publish. It's more about wondering if I'm ready for the criticism, backlash, lack of readers and engagement, or even shame? As you wrote - fear holds us back. That is a big truth.
What a nice reminder that finish lines aren't all they're cracked up to be. We can all relax a bit more and enjoy the processes, the building, and the rebuilding. Thank you for a terrific, validating read! Oh, and thank you for fixing whatever you fixed so we could comment.
Wow, this made me feel as if I’m on the ground floor of a revelation just itching to be exposed. The anticipation I feel is real. Unfinished things that have been waiting for your special touch and deep thought provoking reasons for all the hesitancy comes racing through my mind on its own express locomotive. You pull me in like a giant magnet where resistance is non-existent. I want to know about your journeys, your experiences, the emotions they provoked in you or possibly evoked in you. You are so gifted with a talent Alex. Thank you so much for sharing these “revelations”. Truly your words trigger my deepest thoughts and emotions about another human being…you.
Alex, Those darn fire alarms. My life is very settled so I will have to contemplate your question for a while about what I think must be perfect in order to begin. My backyard is a shambles because I had my drainage field redone yesterday, but I'm just sitting with the half of the landscape that looks like it's been dug up and put back roughly.
Oh dear. That sounds like a mess, my friend! I’m thinking of you. That can be so unsettling, even if you take the time to sit with it. 🩵
I moved into this house nearly 3 years ago. Everything has been unpacked and "put in its place" for at least 2.75 of those years. And yet, it still feels unfinished. The grey wall colors that someone else picked out feels like I'm living in someone else's bad days. That kitchen cabinet door that keeps catching on its sloppy hinge taunts me of the frustrations of prior husband's who can't keep up with the "honey-do" lists.
Nothing is ever fully finished. And remnants of what used to be always linger. It's just how the human condition works.
I love reading your metaphors and descriptions. You put things into words and images in ways that make me think "that's brilliant...and so Alex..." and challenges me to be a better descriptive and sensory writer every day.
Thank you, my friend, for sharing some of these descriptions and sensory details! I feel like they make life more rich and fun as we pause and notice them.
I agree - nothing really is ever finished, no matter how much we wish them to be. It is life. 🩵
Alex,
No apologies necessary. What you have produced here is an excellent, ingenious treatise on the value of uncertainty and the state of becoming and being unfinished. I love, love, love this post. There are so many beautiful quotables here, but here's one that struck me:
"Our culture fetishizes finish lines. We're obsessed with completion as if life is a series of projects to check off rather than a continuous unfolding of messy wonder.
The truth about transitions: they're not the space between real-life moments. They are the real-life moments."
There's so much truth in what you say. It's easy to say one is not ready to start a project yet, for example, but it's so important to start in the first place. You've really inspired me; I've started my art business and am struggling with the website, not wanting to make it live until it's perfect. However, I should just make the damn thing live, even while I'm revising parts of it.
Thank you, Alex, for an insightful read.
Yes. Make the damn thing live! Revise as you need to.
Websites are hard. I can relate - it is SO easy to get bogged down into perfection mode.
Can I share something that has become a hallmark line in my coaching practice? Coaching with me is a series of small experiments. Little adjustments you make, week after week.
And that can be applied to so many things. Including making websites. Perhaps, if you looked at your website as a series of small experiments, it could help you move out of the perfection trap? When we are launching something we will never know what will resonate. But we can guess and we can experiment over time. 🩵
I can’t wait to see. Will you share your website with me when it’s live? I’d love to celebrate you.
OK, Alex, this is great! "Alex Unfiltered" is just...awesome. Reminds me of when we do our Creator Retreat small group and you just insert these hilarious one-liners in such a deadpan way. I love that. Sometimes I think I'm the only one who catches that type of humor, but it's great. There is a way about you where you can write about something deep, serious, and painful even, then insert levity at the exact right moment--I think you allow your reader to take a breath and pause in between the spaces of heaviness. I struggle with that.
About your apology email: please don't feel you need to do that! We love you just the way you are, and honestly? Showing up as your messy, true self (with the cereal in a measuring cup--hilarious and relatable!) is the reason we are all here, cheering you on in your digital corner of Substack.
Well Alex this is profound for me right now, I have made a decision, only small but have been putting off the when until….well until what, I’ve been me, on this earth for decades why would the change happen this month, next month, later in the year…….after listening to your insights, which always come at the right time for me somehow, I’ll just get on with this life and wait for nothing !!!
Enjoy your unpacking, hope you find the spices soon!!
Thank you x
Hi Dr. A! You and I are vibing today, as I am ruminating on the same things. I started singing lessons six months ago, because I love singing. My progress has been slow, but I'm doing it anyway, for now at least. We're always one step away from new possibilities if we just keep going no matter how imperfectly.
Dear Alexander, this post invites me in to your new house as it is.
I’ll stop by and bring the Chinese and a couple crisp white beers (or the athletic n/a beer if you prefer. I love that too).
We’ll sit whenever we melt, and just share the process.
Who wrote the lie you carry that the ground work must be perfect? That’s a fallacy. Sounds a lot like my H.S, English teacher who demanded we all have outlines before we write a single thing. Rubbish I say.
There is a line from Under the Tuscan Sun that I love “when you first move in. “You must greet each object with kindness and reverence, for it all has something to to teach us. “ that’s not an exact quote, but close enough for horseshoes.
You’re still greeting this space.
Maybe instead of putting the silverware in the drawer that logically seems correct, you pause and ask the house goddess where would it be best to stow the silverware? (As long as she doesn’t say the oven. We’re okay.
One box at a time is still the guideline that holds true. All the remaining boxes get shoved out of the way, up against the wall.
You’ve got this Alexander.
And the realization that “our culture fetishizes finish lines.” Is SO clear. Let’s break that rule along with many others we’ve carried.
Hi Alex,
So many little gems tucked into this piece, so where do I start?
I love how you "hammered a nail into uncertainty and called it home." What is it about bare walls anyway? Also love that you forged ahead and cooked that awkward meal. I'm not looking for a food-stack anyway!
I have never been and will never be a perfectionist, so I can't use the excuse of wanting something to be perfect before I send it out into the world or whatever. Maybe it is more about me feeling ready. It's not so much about having that perfect piece of writing to publish. It's more about wondering if I'm ready for the criticism, backlash, lack of readers and engagement, or even shame? As you wrote - fear holds us back. That is a big truth.
What a nice reminder that finish lines aren't all they're cracked up to be. We can all relax a bit more and enjoy the processes, the building, and the rebuilding. Thank you for a terrific, validating read! Oh, and thank you for fixing whatever you fixed so we could comment.
Set-, settled-enough,
trust transit, transitions truths.
Ready or not, here!