25 Comments
User's avatar
Jeannie Ewing's avatar

"Process? I just start. The art knows where it wants to go better than I do."

YES!

I've participated in a writing circle with a very gifted facilitator, and she always tells us, "Write the story that wants to be told through you." That's a very different perspective than "write the story you want to tell." I mean, both are good. Both are important. Both have their place. But one is about a scripted, rehearsed, planned act, while the other is...more open. Curious. Ready to be surprised.

Alex, I have been a planner nearly my entire life. Sometimes I wonder if I was born organized. Even early childhood memories are of me lining up my little ceramic cat figurines in a tidy row on my shelf, also straightening the books on my bookshelf, fluffing the pillows on my bed, picking up little pieces of trash on the floor.

I think having five kids has basically forced me to be more flexible, spontaneous, and amenable to messes. I still don't like them AT ALL (I scored very high on the orderliness/cleanliness trait in the Five Factor Personality Inventory). Like, messes give me PHYSICAL DISTRESS, but I have learned to live with them. Lean into them sometimes.

And yes, to be more open to spontaneity. To say "yes and..."

Man, I would have loved to go with you to listen to rooftop jazz. That's so up my alley.

Great reflections, as always, friend!

Expand full comment
Alexander Lovell, PhD's avatar

Hahaha, someday we will have to do a rooftop jazz night! I will put that out in the universe for it to arrange :)

I think I am like you - I was born organized. Yes, my ADHD can definitely create mess, but I am an organized mess. I love piles of mess, but everything else is neat and tidy around it. HA!

Oh wow, I love that experience that you have had in your writing circle. It seems similar to what I experienced at the pop-up art install. I can’t through all caution to the wind, and I do still outline, but I definitely am less unstructured as I approach creative work. And it has made all the difference!

Expand full comment
Jeannie Ewing's avatar

Maybe one day I’ll be able to come to UT to visit, Alex! Wouldn’t that be something? For some reason it doesn’t seem so far-fetched.

Expand full comment
Teri Leigh 💜's avatar

“They moved through creative problems like water around stones—not forcing solutions but finding the natural path of least resistance.”

Thank you for this. I’m recognizing that this past year on Substack for me has been a beautiful dance of putting aside the planner and following the art that reveals itself in front of me.

I liken it to walking g the yellow brick road that reveals one brick at a time. I just have to keep trusting that each brick appears right as I need it.

Expand full comment
Alexander Lovell, PhD's avatar

And how beautiful and worthwhile that dance has been. You have created something so amazing!

Expand full comment
Teri Leigh 💜's avatar

WE have created something so amazing!

Expand full comment
Teyani Whitman's avatar

One line, so powerfully expresses what you write about: A trellis not a cage.

Something for our thoughts to lean on for support, yet not contain any direction they might grow.

Absolutely beautiful. And full of trusting in yourself.

Expand full comment
Alexander Lovell, PhD's avatar

Thank you, Teyani! I was hoping to choose an image that helped soften the cage, but gave support. I’m so glad that came through. I so appreciate your thoughts each and every week. It is like you always find the image I struggled with to create the hardest, and then give me some appreciation for it 🩵 I so appreciate you!

Expand full comment
Nancy A's avatar

"A trellis, not a cage." That says so much! I'm as far removed from the idea of improv as I could possibly be. Giving up the illusion of control is an ongoing, forever ongoing project for me. Thanks for the nudge. ✨

Expand full comment
Alexander Lovell, PhD's avatar

Haha, trust me, I still struggle with improv. But it was a really useful experience that has stayed with me. I think I’m so much better with being flexible in the moment because of it!

Expand full comment
Leo in L.A.'s avatar

Talisman against the chaos… Love that. Mine is my iPhone. It allows me to orchestrate my life and move fluidly with all my tools and insights. At this mid juncture in my life, I think I found a way to stay aligned amidst the chaos but still stay open to those spontaneous moments that you spoke of.

But at heart, I'm still not a lover of surprises. lol

Expand full comment
Alexander Lovell, PhD's avatar

Hahaha, truly, I am not either! But, I don’t fall into a depth of despair anymore. And sometimes I find true delight in them. And THAT is a big step forward for me. I’ve found I can enjoy my life just a little more. 🩵

Expand full comment
Nica Waters's avatar

“It's about leaving room for surprise, about creating space for others to reveal themselves in ways your expectations could never predict.”

Love this. Thanks.

Expand full comment
Alexander Lovell, PhD's avatar

Thank you, Nica! I appreciate you reading and sharing 🩵

Expand full comment
Jana's avatar

Reading this post, I thought you read my mind

Expand full comment
Alexander Lovell, PhD's avatar

Muahahaha! 🦹 🩵

Expand full comment
Kathy Napoli's avatar

Thank you for sharing more of your life Alex. The more you reveal the greater my respect and caring grows for you. As I read your essay that old saying kept popping into my head, it went something like, “the more you plan, the harder God laughs”. I so enjoy getting mesmerized in your writing, I can visualize each scenario and at times even feel the emotions they evoke within me. Hoping the path of the art within you keeps leading you to great discoveries. ❤️🌼

Expand full comment
Alexander Lovell, PhD's avatar

Haha, I’ve never heard that saying, but I feel like it is true! I can’t say that I throw all caution to the wind, but I certainly have been a much less of a control freak with planning. These experiences that I write about are pivotal moments that helped me 🩵 Thank you for reading and sharing.

Expand full comment
Ilona Goanos's avatar

I’m glad I no longer over-schedule myself and can be more flexible. It’s a gift to myself to anticipate the joy of the unexpected and life unfolding as it wants.

Expand full comment
Alexander Lovell, PhD's avatar

I still slightly over schedule myself but I do definitely give myself more of a margin! It is such a breath of fresh air 🩵

Expand full comment
Marisol Muñoz-Kiehne's avatar

If we over plan,

how will synchronicity

find and surprise us?

...

If we over prepare,

how will serendipity

set us up, school us?

Expand full comment
Alexander Lovell, PhD's avatar

Oh I love how you engage with both synchronicity and serendipity! Thank you for sharing such beautiful poetry 🩵

Expand full comment
Beth L. Gainer's avatar

Alex, this post is filled with tremendous insight. Like you, I'm a planner. And, like you, I learned that spontaneous living has tremendous value. The following words really resonated with me, as did the entire essay: "I wonder if our obsession with planning is really about avoiding the most human truth of all: that we've never been in control. We're all improvising on a stage we didn't design, and in a play we didn't write."

I wouldn't say I'm a control freak, but I don't usually enjoy interruptions to my daily plans. Yet, things don't always go as planned, and I often find myself a great deal of growth by learning to let go.

Expand full comment
Alexander Lovell, PhD's avatar

Hi Beth! At this point, as I’ve reflected, I don’t think I would actually call myself a “control freak” either, even though I have referred to myself as a control freak many times in the past.

Interruptions to my daily routine really do just throw me off. I don’t think there is anything inherently wrong with that. But, as I have become a bit more adjusted to “improv,” it has become easier to let that go. Thank you for sharing 🩵

Expand full comment
Ryan Delaney's avatar

Alex, this is brilliantly insightful, funny, exquisitely written, engaging and endearing. I adore your heartfelt stories and discerning attention to detail. Oh, and I'm grateful you avoid cliches. ;)

Your newsletter is one of my favorites, and I look forward to reading it each week.

Expand full comment