What a beautiful reflection today. Such a tender unfurling of your heart. I felt the emotional resonance of healthy risk--the not knowing as we embark in a new phase of life, a new relationship, a new understanding of self. I've come to understand that there is far more that I don't know or understand about myself than there is, that uncertainty doesn't always equal unsafety.
Something I try to remember for myself, especially when I am on the cusp of a breakthrough or a major life transition (that I'm not aware of but sense) is this: I can step forward in faith that is obscure; that is, it's certain but unclear. Certain, in that I believe in myself and am following the next right thing in front of me. Unclear, in the sense that I have no idea what I'm doing or where I'm going or even if this path is leading me somewhere "better" or "worse" than where I am right now.
I guess what I mean is that keeping that spark inside my heart ablaze relies heavily on believing in the good, the beautiful, and the true--even and especially when I can't see evidence of it, yet I know it's still there.
Jeannie, thank you for sharing all of this. I felt the steadiness in your words. You write about uncertainty with a kind of respect that I’m still learning to hold in myself. That line about faith being certain but unclear stayed with me. It describes a way of moving that feels both brave and strangely ordinary.
What you said about sensing a transition before you can name it feels true in my own life. There have been moments when something inside me knew long before my mind caught up. I used to treat that feeling as a warning. More recently, it has started to feel like a small invitation. Not a promise of ease, just a nudge that something in me is stretching.
I appreciate the way you keep that inner spark alive. It reminds me that hope does not always look bright. Sometimes it is more like a small warmth that refuses to go out, even when nothing around it seems to confirm its presence.
Your comment gave me a lot to sit with, in the best way. I’m grateful you took the time to write it out and offer this window into how you walk with yourself.
This is truly beautiful, Alex. I often get lost in the traps of the past versions of me and the mistakes and missteps and the sum of it all. This is a wonderful reminder of being grateful for the here and now, as well as the past, and also grateful for the future version of me I'm actively creating! ✨
This especially touched me, "The future self I’m grateful for is the one who gets to keep choosing. Who doesn’t have to be the completed version of anything. Who can place stars and feel terror and want things he’s never wanted before."
Thank you, my friend, and Happy Thanksgiving! I'm very thankful for you! 🧡
I’m glad this piece met you in a meaningful moment. It sounds like you are in a season of honoring the whole picture of your life, even the parts that used to feel heavy. That is tender work. I'm so grateful for you too, my friend. Happy Thanksgiving! 🩵
Danni, thank you. I felt a lot of warmth in your words. That line you highlighted is one I keep returning to myself. There is something strangely comforting about not being finished, like life is still speaking and we get to listen in real time.
I just saw your DM 🩵 I thank you for such a wonderful invitation and would be delighted. I will respond a little later this morning to you!
"That’s just: thank you for being exactly as unaware as you needed to be. Thank you for not knowing what I know now."
This feels like such an antidote for shame to me. It's easy to look back in hindsight and feel disbelief, anger, that we may have accepted circumstances we hope we wouldn't now accept. But you are exactly right, sometimes we need to be unaware to be able to live. And that is okay.
"Thank you for not waiting to be ready." "Choosing now to be a complete answer"
This feels so immensely resonant. I feel like i've been immersed in the cultural message of "healing before action" which has created this underlying sense of instability, this sneaky message almost of needing to be ready/healed/fulfilled etc. before I get to live. But what I know from experience is that when I have taken steps, because i've wanted to, even though parts of me inside feel so uncomfortable while doing it, it's created this sense of internal backing, which feels more solid than any "preparation" could have given me. Everytime I do it, I back myself whatever the outcome. It feels brilliantly powerful and alive, and more than anything it feels like the truest way to honor myself and my desires.
Laura, thank you for writing all of this out. I could feel the honesty in your words. What you said about looking back and feeling disbelief or frustration really touched me. I know that feeling well. It took me a long time to realize that some of my earlier choices were not failures. They were attempts to stay alive with the tools I had. Reading your reflections here gives that idea a fuller shape. I appreciate you sharing it.
I also love that you called out this line: "That’s just: thank you for being exactly as unaware as you needed to be. Thank you for not knowing what I know now."
As an antidote for same. WOW! What a beautiful way to frame that, my friend. Thank you. 🩵
Ooh, this one has me reeling. I love the "he's not inevitable...he's possible." Wonderful. Eye opening and heart cracking. Thank you (and happy turkey day)!
I love the way you responded to the idea of possibility. It sounds like it touched something hopeful in you. There is a sweetness in recognizing that a future self is not prewritten. It feels like breathing room. Happy Thanksgiving, my friend! 🩵
Beautiful share, Alex. I’ve been through a lot as have many of us. Your erudite and spot-on writing is just what I needed today.
Thank you for speaking for those of us who have chosen to swallow their words out of necessity to fit in, but inside are coming to terms with precious things in life as well as wonder and grief and sadness all at once.
Your comment reminded me of times in my own life when silence felt safer than truth. Looking back, I can see how much that cost me. It took years to trust that my voice would not break anything. Reading your note brought that journey to mind in a tender way. Thank you for sharing 🩵
Dr Alex, thank you so very much for your heartfelt and sincere response.
It feels good to be heard.
I’ve already paid a high price for my silence over my 64 years of life, shattered my health but my miracle is on its way, maybe already here. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.
I also find a deep sense of humour steeped in the ridiculous helps so very much.
Whew! Your introspection and depth are astounding. Thank you for sharing yourself and your writing. The message of gratitude is timely. May this be a season of full and thankful hearts.
Your “whew” made me smile. Sometimes the work of looking inward feels like that. A long exhale, a small reset, and then the next step. I’m glad the gratitude piece met you at the right moment. I miss you, my friend! 🩵
Wow! I’m certainly living my own version. I love this! What a uniquely insightful way to describe recognizing your own intrinsic value and having gratitude! I am honestly thankful for you! When you entered my life on Substack it was the first time I’ve truly felt seen, understood and heard. It may be hard to accept the truth of this but it is the truth. The personal pathway growth you are generously sharing lately is a vivid picture of you and your deepest feelings. I really believe I’m learning more about you with each post. I feel blessed to be a tiny dot in your universe. I hope you will discover how great you are and how you help so many to learn and explore our own journeys of who we were, who we are and who we choose to be. Thank you, Alex! Happy Thanksgiving! May you enjoy this day set aside for gratitude in a special, loving way.
Kathy, thank you for taking the time to write all of this out. I could feel how much of your own experience sits inside these words. The part about being seen and understood really struck me. That is not something I take lightly. I’m glad the writing has given you a place to land and think things through in your own way. I'm so grateful for you, your friendship, and that you are always with me in this journey! Thank you, my friend. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. 🩵
Alex, I love this twist on gratitude! It took me so long to let go after my divorce. Gratitude wasn't an option, and I think forced gratitude never works. In one way, it shows us where our deeper work lies. In another way, it's just hard to be perfect and let go of such big pain right away. This piece shows us how we can love and accept ourselves, whatever stage we're in.
Your line about “forced gratitude never works” is spot on. When gratitude is used like a rule, it loses all its meaning. I like how you tied it to deeper work. Sometimes the thing we cannot feel yet is the thing asking for our attention. I love this so much 🩵
Every season of our lives carries lessons that shape us and slowly move us toward who we were created to be. Even the painful phases, especially those, have a way of refining us and drawing us closer to God’s purpose. Thank you for this reminder.
Your line about “even the painful phases” stood out to me. I’ve been thinking a lot about that quiet work that happens underneath the surface. The stuff we never would have chosen, but somehow it still changes how we stand in the world. Your comment names that well.
Wow friend. The way you spoke to gratitude for NOT knowing... There's no way I would have bought that from anyone else. The way you said it makes me truly grateful for the not knowing too.
I appreciate this, Sam. Honestly, if I had known how many plot twists my life had queued up, I might have asked for a different script. But then again, the messiest chapters have turned out to be the ones that grew me the most.
Alex, I love this look at gratitude and your selves, past, present and future. It has me thinking about past versions of me and feeling gratitude for each one of them.
Nancy, thank you. I love that this stirred something in you about your own past selves. There is something steadying about realizing they were doing their best with what they had, and that we get to meet them with a softer lens now.
Thank you. These personal reflections are brave and poignant very inspiring. When I think of the times in my own life that I would never have started something if I knew what I was getting into, only to be so grateful for it in the end. That phenomenon, in and of itself, is enough for gratitude in the past present and future. I appreciate this post so much this morning. 🙏🏻
Thank you for this. I know that feeling well, looking back at something I walked into without a clue and thinking, somehow I’m grateful I did not know. There is a strange honesty in that. I’m glad the piece met you this morning.
Alex,
What a beautiful reflection today. Such a tender unfurling of your heart. I felt the emotional resonance of healthy risk--the not knowing as we embark in a new phase of life, a new relationship, a new understanding of self. I've come to understand that there is far more that I don't know or understand about myself than there is, that uncertainty doesn't always equal unsafety.
Something I try to remember for myself, especially when I am on the cusp of a breakthrough or a major life transition (that I'm not aware of but sense) is this: I can step forward in faith that is obscure; that is, it's certain but unclear. Certain, in that I believe in myself and am following the next right thing in front of me. Unclear, in the sense that I have no idea what I'm doing or where I'm going or even if this path is leading me somewhere "better" or "worse" than where I am right now.
I guess what I mean is that keeping that spark inside my heart ablaze relies heavily on believing in the good, the beautiful, and the true--even and especially when I can't see evidence of it, yet I know it's still there.
Jeannie, thank you for sharing all of this. I felt the steadiness in your words. You write about uncertainty with a kind of respect that I’m still learning to hold in myself. That line about faith being certain but unclear stayed with me. It describes a way of moving that feels both brave and strangely ordinary.
What you said about sensing a transition before you can name it feels true in my own life. There have been moments when something inside me knew long before my mind caught up. I used to treat that feeling as a warning. More recently, it has started to feel like a small invitation. Not a promise of ease, just a nudge that something in me is stretching.
I appreciate the way you keep that inner spark alive. It reminds me that hope does not always look bright. Sometimes it is more like a small warmth that refuses to go out, even when nothing around it seems to confirm its presence.
Your comment gave me a lot to sit with, in the best way. I’m grateful you took the time to write it out and offer this window into how you walk with yourself.
This is truly beautiful, Alex. I often get lost in the traps of the past versions of me and the mistakes and missteps and the sum of it all. This is a wonderful reminder of being grateful for the here and now, as well as the past, and also grateful for the future version of me I'm actively creating! ✨
This especially touched me, "The future self I’m grateful for is the one who gets to keep choosing. Who doesn’t have to be the completed version of anything. Who can place stars and feel terror and want things he’s never wanted before."
Thank you, my friend, and Happy Thanksgiving! I'm very thankful for you! 🧡
I’m glad this piece met you in a meaningful moment. It sounds like you are in a season of honoring the whole picture of your life, even the parts that used to feel heavy. That is tender work. I'm so grateful for you too, my friend. Happy Thanksgiving! 🩵
Alexander, thank you for sharing. Loved it all. Especially the not waiting for the tree and this: "And I’m grateful I don’t know.
Because it means it’s not finished. It means I’m alive in the becoming, not just arrived at some fixed destination."
Not finished... may we always remember this, return when we slip away, and thank.
Sending love. I am going to dm you. Please take a look when you get a chance. 💕
Danni, thank you. I felt a lot of warmth in your words. That line you highlighted is one I keep returning to myself. There is something strangely comforting about not being finished, like life is still speaking and we get to listen in real time.
I just saw your DM 🩵 I thank you for such a wonderful invitation and would be delighted. I will respond a little later this morning to you!
Yes, I agree. Not being finished is very powerful for me too. Thank you. Looking forward to hearing from you. Have a wonderful day. xo
Wonderful writing and thank you for sharing your ‘selves’. It helped me see my ‘three people’ too and all they’ve been through, are doing and will be.
I love that this sparked something for you. It feels like an invitation to see your life with a softer lens. 🩵
"That’s just: thank you for being exactly as unaware as you needed to be. Thank you for not knowing what I know now."
This feels like such an antidote for shame to me. It's easy to look back in hindsight and feel disbelief, anger, that we may have accepted circumstances we hope we wouldn't now accept. But you are exactly right, sometimes we need to be unaware to be able to live. And that is okay.
"Thank you for not waiting to be ready." "Choosing now to be a complete answer"
This feels so immensely resonant. I feel like i've been immersed in the cultural message of "healing before action" which has created this underlying sense of instability, this sneaky message almost of needing to be ready/healed/fulfilled etc. before I get to live. But what I know from experience is that when I have taken steps, because i've wanted to, even though parts of me inside feel so uncomfortable while doing it, it's created this sense of internal backing, which feels more solid than any "preparation" could have given me. Everytime I do it, I back myself whatever the outcome. It feels brilliantly powerful and alive, and more than anything it feels like the truest way to honor myself and my desires.
Laura, thank you for writing all of this out. I could feel the honesty in your words. What you said about looking back and feeling disbelief or frustration really touched me. I know that feeling well. It took me a long time to realize that some of my earlier choices were not failures. They were attempts to stay alive with the tools I had. Reading your reflections here gives that idea a fuller shape. I appreciate you sharing it.
I also love that you called out this line: "That’s just: thank you for being exactly as unaware as you needed to be. Thank you for not knowing what I know now."
As an antidote for same. WOW! What a beautiful way to frame that, my friend. Thank you. 🩵
Ooh, this one has me reeling. I love the "he's not inevitable...he's possible." Wonderful. Eye opening and heart cracking. Thank you (and happy turkey day)!
I love the way you responded to the idea of possibility. It sounds like it touched something hopeful in you. There is a sweetness in recognizing that a future self is not prewritten. It feels like breathing room. Happy Thanksgiving, my friend! 🩵
Beautiful share, Alex. I’ve been through a lot as have many of us. Your erudite and spot-on writing is just what I needed today.
Thank you for speaking for those of us who have chosen to swallow their words out of necessity to fit in, but inside are coming to terms with precious things in life as well as wonder and grief and sadness all at once.
Kindest regards and the deepest respect
Carol Power
Johannesburg
South Africa
Your comment reminded me of times in my own life when silence felt safer than truth. Looking back, I can see how much that cost me. It took years to trust that my voice would not break anything. Reading your note brought that journey to mind in a tender way. Thank you for sharing 🩵
Dr Alex, thank you so very much for your heartfelt and sincere response.
It feels good to be heard.
I’ve already paid a high price for my silence over my 64 years of life, shattered my health but my miracle is on its way, maybe already here. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.
I also find a deep sense of humour steeped in the ridiculous helps so very much.
Kindest regards and the deepest respect
Carol Power
Johannesburg
South Africa
Whew! Your introspection and depth are astounding. Thank you for sharing yourself and your writing. The message of gratitude is timely. May this be a season of full and thankful hearts.
Your “whew” made me smile. Sometimes the work of looking inward feels like that. A long exhale, a small reset, and then the next step. I’m glad the gratitude piece met you at the right moment. I miss you, my friend! 🩵
Wow! I’m certainly living my own version. I love this! What a uniquely insightful way to describe recognizing your own intrinsic value and having gratitude! I am honestly thankful for you! When you entered my life on Substack it was the first time I’ve truly felt seen, understood and heard. It may be hard to accept the truth of this but it is the truth. The personal pathway growth you are generously sharing lately is a vivid picture of you and your deepest feelings. I really believe I’m learning more about you with each post. I feel blessed to be a tiny dot in your universe. I hope you will discover how great you are and how you help so many to learn and explore our own journeys of who we were, who we are and who we choose to be. Thank you, Alex! Happy Thanksgiving! May you enjoy this day set aside for gratitude in a special, loving way.
Kathy, thank you for taking the time to write all of this out. I could feel how much of your own experience sits inside these words. The part about being seen and understood really struck me. That is not something I take lightly. I’m glad the writing has given you a place to land and think things through in your own way. I'm so grateful for you, your friendship, and that you are always with me in this journey! Thank you, my friend. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. 🩵
Alex, I love this twist on gratitude! It took me so long to let go after my divorce. Gratitude wasn't an option, and I think forced gratitude never works. In one way, it shows us where our deeper work lies. In another way, it's just hard to be perfect and let go of such big pain right away. This piece shows us how we can love and accept ourselves, whatever stage we're in.
Your line about “forced gratitude never works” is spot on. When gratitude is used like a rule, it loses all its meaning. I like how you tied it to deeper work. Sometimes the thing we cannot feel yet is the thing asking for our attention. I love this so much 🩵
Every season of our lives carries lessons that shape us and slowly move us toward who we were created to be. Even the painful phases, especially those, have a way of refining us and drawing us closer to God’s purpose. Thank you for this reminder.
Your line about “even the painful phases” stood out to me. I’ve been thinking a lot about that quiet work that happens underneath the surface. The stuff we never would have chosen, but somehow it still changes how we stand in the world. Your comment names that well.
Wow friend. The way you spoke to gratitude for NOT knowing... There's no way I would have bought that from anyone else. The way you said it makes me truly grateful for the not knowing too.
I appreciate this, Sam. Honestly, if I had known how many plot twists my life had queued up, I might have asked for a different script. But then again, the messiest chapters have turned out to be the ones that grew me the most.
So true right, so true.
Alex, I love this look at gratitude and your selves, past, present and future. It has me thinking about past versions of me and feeling gratitude for each one of them.
The kindness you show your past self lovely.
Nancy, thank you. I love that this stirred something in you about your own past selves. There is something steadying about realizing they were doing their best with what they had, and that we get to meet them with a softer lens now.
I love you. all parts of you. all perceptions of you. I just love YOU.
Awww, and I just LOVE YOU, my friend 🩵
Thank you. These personal reflections are brave and poignant very inspiring. When I think of the times in my own life that I would never have started something if I knew what I was getting into, only to be so grateful for it in the end. That phenomenon, in and of itself, is enough for gratitude in the past present and future. I appreciate this post so much this morning. 🙏🏻
Thank you for this. I know that feeling well, looking back at something I walked into without a clue and thinking, somehow I’m grateful I did not know. There is a strange honesty in that. I’m glad the piece met you this morning.
Me too! Thanks.