"We think transformation is about becoming something new. But what if it's actually about becoming more authentically what we already are?"
I love this Alex. There's something miraculous about not using up precious energy and time chasing butterflies. Genuine transformation is about finding the buried treasure within our ordinary lives. Life events teach us that very thing.
What am I building? As I enter my 70th decade, I'm learning...still.. that my life is a continuous evolution of spirit in various forms. Building a spiritual practice to support this phase of my life, is my endeavour. It's three steps forward and two back...sometimes no movement at all...and accepting that this ok.
Thank you for calling out that line, Jules. I think we often set our sights on something new as the end goal, but the actual end state of becoming is actually the more true state of who we are. A spiritual practice is what holds us. I know it is what holds me. It is what supports me, I'm so glad to hear it is what you are building, my friend. It is what we all deserve 🩵
Yes. YES! This. This set of circumstances, while very difficult, was exactly what I needed to truly be settled into my home, my new neighborhood, and my new life. It is liberating!
Sorry you've been ill and had all this chaos. Maybe the flu was a cleansing of your system, so that your life in your new home will begin fresh. I hope so.
My big sister always says, "God hates smug." - I've had that come to mind several times in recent years when I've gotten exactly where I want to be (usually through good luck and hard work), and something massive happens to throw me off the track. It's like the Universe says," V, you are really looking good there. Time to challenge your closely held convictions. Here, hold my beer. "
Control is an illusion, as you so clearly showed here. I'll try to remember exactly what you wrote the next time it happens, as I'm sure it will. I'll keep building anyway. I'll navigate the blockade, climb over the obstacles and keep moving forward . Be gentle with yourself. Stay healthy. Love, Virg
Haha, yes. We cannot be too comfortable, we will be kicked off our high horse soon enough :) But we can still build. Thanks for sharing 🩵 I think we can all relate to some extent. I hope next time, it isn't something massive, but something gentle. 🩵
Love this Alexander. The universe has often given me huge blobs of humility when I needed them. Especially when I’ve decided to “change my mind” about something I once accepted… it’s almost like it continues to ask “Are you sure?” Three times, until I’m fully in the change I’ve chosen. Sigh. 💞
"The stuff we create in chaos has a particular magic to it—a resilience that comes not from perfect conditions but from the stubborn insistence that this moment, however flawed, still counts toward the life we're creating." I love this! I teeter on the edge of overwhelm some moments when my hand tremors get the better of me, and I "try" to lean into the idea of that those challenges are building resilience.
Yes. And it is hard sometimes to lean into the idea that anything is more than just an inconvenience or a challenge. I get it. I understand that. Thank you for sharing.
I really struggled after my accident with my stutter. And when it would interrupt me and take over what I was trying to say, it became even more important and necessary to lean into patience, empathy, kindness, and understanding toward myself. I learned a lot more compassion for myself in those tiny moments. It just took a little while :)
Your essay, When the Universe Calls Your Bluff, masterfully intertwines humor and vulnerability to illustrate the unpredictability of life. Your narrative about the water crisis and unexpected flu serves as a poignant reminder that resilience often involves embracing chaos rather than controlling it. Your ability to find meaning and maintain grace amidst unforeseen challenges is both inspiring and deeply relatable.
Thank you, my friend! One thing I have learned is that homemade chicken noodle soup is really easy in an Instant Pot, and when you are feeling miserable, nothing beats homemade chicken noodle soup. Somehow the flavor is layered and beautiful. Cheating, I know. But amazing. And after two weeks of craziness, I needed it!
[chaos] shows up on your doorstep with a clipboard and a wry smile, ready to administer the exam you didn't study for. 👹
somewhere after college I stopped studying for exams and figure, if I don't know it by now, I'll either never know it or I don't need to know it.
and then I stopped taking classes that have exams! :)
this post is inspiring me to write about LUNGS in June. wheeeeee....here we go....I might have just invited in some chaos. and when he shows up at my doorstep, I'll flip the clipboard right out of his hands.
You hit the nail on the head for me to reflect on my own life, insecurities and unfinished business. Thank you Alex for giving me the push I need after reading about yours!
When I read about your water bill not being paid by the previous tenants, I was like, "Whaaaaaaaaaat?!" And how you had no control over when the landlord would take care of it with the utility company, may I just say that I would have totally freaked out? Probably.
I mean, buying gallons of water is a reasonable (and only) option if you want clean water in the short-term. (Now I am also thinking about how often I take for granted that I have an abundance of clean, running water...)
I can just imagine the shit that would hit the fan if this happened with my five ND kids. Seriously. I am like the firefighter constantly dousing all the crises with the firehose. Seriously.
So kudos, friend. Really. Especially since your situation was compounded by the May flu. UGH.
This is what struck me the most about what you wrote: "sometimes breaking down is the only way to truly settle in." I think there is poetry in there somewhere. This would also make a fantastic writing prompt!
Haha, I really had to let aspects of my control freak personality go. I was a mess for a bit. We do take for granted simple things, like water. And when it disappears, there is a different kind of panic that sets in, and that is compounded when you cannot fix it. And I can only imagine having 5 ND kids around. That would be insanity. I mean, I think I'd just pick up and go to a hotel room immediately. Haha. Just give up and throw in the towel 😂
Thank you, my friend. I actually have some poetry coming soon :) 🩵
Alex, I recently had a water crisis, too. I can handle it when the hot water doesn't work, at least for a few days. But no water? That's hard. I appreciate how you chose selective attention and continued to build. I'm amazed by how you could even appreciate your illness and witness the way it helped you to slow down and notice more; that it even became part of your settling in process.
I know that sense of what we writing boomeranging. I've had so many instances of the Universe giving me a friendly slap after I've written about a particular theme. It's always taught me more and deepened my learning. But sometimes I've wondered, "Why did I write about that!"
Alex, this is such a wonderful, insightful read. I'm sorry you had the flu and the water problem. These are things that, of course, you had no control over, and that's the very thing your post emphasizes. There are so many powerful insights in this post. Here's just one: "...foundations aren't what happen after everything settles. They're what we practice precisely when nothing feels certain."
It's true. I'm beginning to think that there's no foundation at all; perhaps, we think we see/feel a foundation to give us a false sense of stability and certainty in a very uncertain world. Come to think of it, the world is never certain, so dealing with the world as it unfolds in its chaotic and unpredictable way.
I love your coping skills. You are able to turn terrible experiences to a vehicle for introspection and self-learning.
I’m so glad to find your writing. This piece resonates with me and I dig your writing style. Especially I like this line “There's a certain surrender that happens when your body decides it's taking the wheel, and in that surrender, a different kind of presence becomes possible.”
This is so insightful. But first, I'm sorry you were so ill and that your water was shut off. Even if you experienced new-found insights from all that, or reaffirmation of ones you already had, the experiences themselves were still unpleasant.
I love this: "We're so conditioned to believe that proper life requires proper conditions. That we should pause the building until the ground stops shaking." Besides, what is proper life anyway?
That sure rings true. Especially for a procrastinator like me. I wonder how many times I've told myself I'll wait until later - when the time feels more right - or whatever.
The building continues even when life throws us curve balls. When you think about it, that's rather comforting and shuts down trying to strive for perfectionism.
Thank you for the excellent read. I'm glad you're feeling better and that your water is back on!
"We think transformation is about becoming something new. But what if it's actually about becoming more authentically what we already are?"
I love this Alex. There's something miraculous about not using up precious energy and time chasing butterflies. Genuine transformation is about finding the buried treasure within our ordinary lives. Life events teach us that very thing.
What am I building? As I enter my 70th decade, I'm learning...still.. that my life is a continuous evolution of spirit in various forms. Building a spiritual practice to support this phase of my life, is my endeavour. It's three steps forward and two back...sometimes no movement at all...and accepting that this ok.
Thank you for calling out that line, Jules. I think we often set our sights on something new as the end goal, but the actual end state of becoming is actually the more true state of who we are. A spiritual practice is what holds us. I know it is what holds me. It is what supports me, I'm so glad to hear it is what you are building, my friend. It is what we all deserve 🩵
Helplessness can help
keep us humble, hear what’s here.
We try anyway.
...
Caring, not control,
we’re not needed everywhere.
How liberating!
Yes. YES! This. This set of circumstances, while very difficult, was exactly what I needed to truly be settled into my home, my new neighborhood, and my new life. It is liberating!
Sorry you've been ill and had all this chaos. Maybe the flu was a cleansing of your system, so that your life in your new home will begin fresh. I hope so.
Thank you, Susie. I feel VERY cleansed. 😂
My big sister always says, "God hates smug." - I've had that come to mind several times in recent years when I've gotten exactly where I want to be (usually through good luck and hard work), and something massive happens to throw me off the track. It's like the Universe says," V, you are really looking good there. Time to challenge your closely held convictions. Here, hold my beer. "
Control is an illusion, as you so clearly showed here. I'll try to remember exactly what you wrote the next time it happens, as I'm sure it will. I'll keep building anyway. I'll navigate the blockade, climb over the obstacles and keep moving forward . Be gentle with yourself. Stay healthy. Love, Virg
Haha, yes. We cannot be too comfortable, we will be kicked off our high horse soon enough :) But we can still build. Thanks for sharing 🩵 I think we can all relate to some extent. I hope next time, it isn't something massive, but something gentle. 🩵
Love this Alexander. The universe has often given me huge blobs of humility when I needed them. Especially when I’ve decided to “change my mind” about something I once accepted… it’s almost like it continues to ask “Are you sure?” Three times, until I’m fully in the change I’ve chosen. Sigh. 💞
Yes, the universe definitely loves to make sure I’m sure. But, it helps me feel certain. And that carries me forward with even more surety. 🩵
"The stuff we create in chaos has a particular magic to it—a resilience that comes not from perfect conditions but from the stubborn insistence that this moment, however flawed, still counts toward the life we're creating." I love this! I teeter on the edge of overwhelm some moments when my hand tremors get the better of me, and I "try" to lean into the idea of that those challenges are building resilience.
Yes. And it is hard sometimes to lean into the idea that anything is more than just an inconvenience or a challenge. I get it. I understand that. Thank you for sharing.
I really struggled after my accident with my stutter. And when it would interrupt me and take over what I was trying to say, it became even more important and necessary to lean into patience, empathy, kindness, and understanding toward myself. I learned a lot more compassion for myself in those tiny moments. It just took a little while :)
Your essay, When the Universe Calls Your Bluff, masterfully intertwines humor and vulnerability to illustrate the unpredictability of life. Your narrative about the water crisis and unexpected flu serves as a poignant reminder that resilience often involves embracing chaos rather than controlling it. Your ability to find meaning and maintain grace amidst unforeseen challenges is both inspiring and deeply relatable.
Thank you, Anton. I appreciate you being here and reading. 🩵
Oh man. Oh. Man. 😩 and yet… you made lemon chiffon pie with the lemons. You did! I hope you will feel completely better soon.
Oh man…. I miss noodles. That soup looks divine.
Thank you, my friend! One thing I have learned is that homemade chicken noodle soup is really easy in an Instant Pot, and when you are feeling miserable, nothing beats homemade chicken noodle soup. Somehow the flavor is layered and beautiful. Cheating, I know. But amazing. And after two weeks of craziness, I needed it!
Instant Pots are amazing! As are air fryers 💪
[chaos] shows up on your doorstep with a clipboard and a wry smile, ready to administer the exam you didn't study for. 👹
somewhere after college I stopped studying for exams and figure, if I don't know it by now, I'll either never know it or I don't need to know it.
and then I stopped taking classes that have exams! :)
this post is inspiring me to write about LUNGS in June. wheeeeee....here we go....I might have just invited in some chaos. and when he shows up at my doorstep, I'll flip the clipboard right out of his hands.
I was grateful when I hit my PhD - no more exams - just writing (exams). Haha.
OH! I love that for June. I think that would be great! No chaos. I'll flip the clipboard with you!
You hit the nail on the head for me to reflect on my own life, insecurities and unfinished business. Thank you Alex for giving me the push I need after reading about yours!
You are so welcome, my friend! 🩵
Alex,
When I read about your water bill not being paid by the previous tenants, I was like, "Whaaaaaaaaaat?!" And how you had no control over when the landlord would take care of it with the utility company, may I just say that I would have totally freaked out? Probably.
I mean, buying gallons of water is a reasonable (and only) option if you want clean water in the short-term. (Now I am also thinking about how often I take for granted that I have an abundance of clean, running water...)
I can just imagine the shit that would hit the fan if this happened with my five ND kids. Seriously. I am like the firefighter constantly dousing all the crises with the firehose. Seriously.
So kudos, friend. Really. Especially since your situation was compounded by the May flu. UGH.
This is what struck me the most about what you wrote: "sometimes breaking down is the only way to truly settle in." I think there is poetry in there somewhere. This would also make a fantastic writing prompt!
Haha, I really had to let aspects of my control freak personality go. I was a mess for a bit. We do take for granted simple things, like water. And when it disappears, there is a different kind of panic that sets in, and that is compounded when you cannot fix it. And I can only imagine having 5 ND kids around. That would be insanity. I mean, I think I'd just pick up and go to a hotel room immediately. Haha. Just give up and throw in the towel 😂
Thank you, my friend. I actually have some poetry coming soon :) 🩵
Seriously, throw in the towel is about right!
Can’t wait to read your poetry!
Alex, I recently had a water crisis, too. I can handle it when the hot water doesn't work, at least for a few days. But no water? That's hard. I appreciate how you chose selective attention and continued to build. I'm amazed by how you could even appreciate your illness and witness the way it helped you to slow down and notice more; that it even became part of your settling in process.
I know that sense of what we writing boomeranging. I've had so many instances of the Universe giving me a friendly slap after I've written about a particular theme. It's always taught me more and deepened my learning. But sometimes I've wondered, "Why did I write about that!"
Alex, this is such a wonderful, insightful read. I'm sorry you had the flu and the water problem. These are things that, of course, you had no control over, and that's the very thing your post emphasizes. There are so many powerful insights in this post. Here's just one: "...foundations aren't what happen after everything settles. They're what we practice precisely when nothing feels certain."
It's true. I'm beginning to think that there's no foundation at all; perhaps, we think we see/feel a foundation to give us a false sense of stability and certainty in a very uncertain world. Come to think of it, the world is never certain, so dealing with the world as it unfolds in its chaotic and unpredictable way.
I love your coping skills. You are able to turn terrible experiences to a vehicle for introspection and self-learning.
I’m so glad to find your writing. This piece resonates with me and I dig your writing style. Especially I like this line “There's a certain surrender that happens when your body decides it's taking the wheel, and in that surrender, a different kind of presence becomes possible.”
YUM!
Hi Alex,
This is so insightful. But first, I'm sorry you were so ill and that your water was shut off. Even if you experienced new-found insights from all that, or reaffirmation of ones you already had, the experiences themselves were still unpleasant.
I love this: "We're so conditioned to believe that proper life requires proper conditions. That we should pause the building until the ground stops shaking." Besides, what is proper life anyway?
That sure rings true. Especially for a procrastinator like me. I wonder how many times I've told myself I'll wait until later - when the time feels more right - or whatever.
The building continues even when life throws us curve balls. When you think about it, that's rather comforting and shuts down trying to strive for perfectionism.
Thank you for the excellent read. I'm glad you're feeling better and that your water is back on!