This is a great example of how being wrong isn't necessarily wrong. Perfectionism is so hard to overcome. I'm someone who likes to be right. I've lived my life striving to be the smartest person in the room. Then I grew into the knowledge that I'm not always, and it's okay. I was once told to give myself( and everyone else) a 5% margin of error simply for being human. Being alive and present is SO much more important than being smart or right or perfect. Thank you for this. Love, V.
I so enjoyed reading this, partly because I am a fledgling speaker who recently jumped over a hurdle that had been a distant goal for a long time - I spoke in front of 160 people - no slides. Was it perfect - definitely not, but I did get some spontaneous applause at one point in a deeply personal pivot story.
Nothing endears us to others so much as vulnerability and authenticity, the two things we are most afraid of. Turns out it draws people in because it makes us just like them.
Thanks so much for sharing this wonderful story...and for your courage. On Thursday I am attending an online session with a woman who has done one-woman shows, an actor, comedian, speaker etc. - let's see if this is really something I want to do. I know my story is compelling...am I up for the challenge?
Recently, I made an embarrassing mistake in a meeting. I’ve been beating myself up for it for days. I am usually the quiet, careful one but this time I wasn’t. Thanks for sharing your experience and how you handled it. Maybe it’s time I learned to laugh at myself and move on.
This powerful essay really hit home with me. You say, "What actually made me magnetic wasn't my preparation or my competence. It was the moment I stopped controlling and just became present to what was happening."
I taught for 25 years and had to lead so many classes. Of course, things went wrong, but if I laughed at myself, I found students relaxed and seemed to enjoy class even more. They also leaned in because they saw that their teacher was human. In addition, I taught classes on how to give effective presentations. If I were still teaching, I would have my students read your fabulous essay, as it could help them better cope with their fears of making mistakes during their presentations. Fantastic job!
I've just found Mark Murphy, and his latest post is wonderful.
By the way, for some reason, I'm not receiving notification in my inbox that you've posted. I'm not sure what's going on, but I did want to let you know.
I love this post and how you so candidly share about your vulnerability as you gave that presentation that didn't go according to plan. I'm not sure I would've started laughing. I fear I might've started crying!
Your point is well taken. Audiences, including readers, don't care about perfection. They care about connecting with someone who sees and validates them, someone who is real and willing to be vulnerable, too. I try to keep this in mind when I write, so I very much appreciate this reminder. Thank you.
Lastly, I'll say this, Aex - your writing is more than a bit magnetic, too. Well done! I appreciate you.
This: 'Every day, we face the same choice I faced on that stage: Do we keep fighting reality, trying to force ourselves back into the safe script we've prepared? Or do we take a breath, laugh at the beautiful absurdity of being human, and choose aliveness over safety?'
It's so hard to trust aliveness, which sounds crazy since it's what we all are. I wonder if the world today contributes to this 'safe scripting' - where are lives become 'curated' on social media. Maybe better to create than to curate...
"We've confused competence with perfection. But competence isn't about never failing. It's about what you do when failure finds you anyway." This is the lesson I'm continually learning. It proves itself to be true, but I'm resistant to accepting the grace of it. Great insights, Alex!
Beautifully written and real. I felt a little panic myself, not gonna lie!
Its so interesting that this arrived this morning. My last client yesterday; I told them about my two-tiered desk and how I put my keyboard on top when I eat so I don't spill food on it. (its usually on the bottom). No matter how many times I do it, I still stick my hands in my food reaching for the keyboard over and over. Granted, I'm uninjured and it isn't in front of 500 people but it does show us just how the ability to laugh at the absurdity is utterly necessary. Beautiful, important post, Alexander. Thank you.
Thank you for this post! Somehow exactly what I needed to hear today. It can also implied to how we view ourselves I think- not even in relation to others. Instead of trying to find some elusive version of perfection, we can own and be present with what is going on and who we are in a moment. Keep losing balance, and keep returning to center.
This is a great example of how being wrong isn't necessarily wrong. Perfectionism is so hard to overcome. I'm someone who likes to be right. I've lived my life striving to be the smartest person in the room. Then I grew into the knowledge that I'm not always, and it's okay. I was once told to give myself( and everyone else) a 5% margin of error simply for being human. Being alive and present is SO much more important than being smart or right or perfect. Thank you for this. Love, V.
I so enjoyed reading this, partly because I am a fledgling speaker who recently jumped over a hurdle that had been a distant goal for a long time - I spoke in front of 160 people - no slides. Was it perfect - definitely not, but I did get some spontaneous applause at one point in a deeply personal pivot story.
Nothing endears us to others so much as vulnerability and authenticity, the two things we are most afraid of. Turns out it draws people in because it makes us just like them.
Thanks so much for sharing this wonderful story...and for your courage. On Thursday I am attending an online session with a woman who has done one-woman shows, an actor, comedian, speaker etc. - let's see if this is really something I want to do. I know my story is compelling...am I up for the challenge?
Nothing endears us to others so much as vulnerability and authenticity, the two things we are most afraid of.
So true.
Recently, I made an embarrassing mistake in a meeting. I’ve been beating myself up for it for days. I am usually the quiet, careful one but this time I wasn’t. Thanks for sharing your experience and how you handled it. Maybe it’s time I learned to laugh at myself and move on.
Alex,
This powerful essay really hit home with me. You say, "What actually made me magnetic wasn't my preparation or my competence. It was the moment I stopped controlling and just became present to what was happening."
I taught for 25 years and had to lead so many classes. Of course, things went wrong, but if I laughed at myself, I found students relaxed and seemed to enjoy class even more. They also leaned in because they saw that their teacher was human. In addition, I taught classes on how to give effective presentations. If I were still teaching, I would have my students read your fabulous essay, as it could help them better cope with their fears of making mistakes during their presentations. Fantastic job!
I've just found Mark Murphy, and his latest post is wonderful.
By the way, for some reason, I'm not receiving notification in my inbox that you've posted. I'm not sure what's going on, but I did want to let you know.
Hi Alex,
I love this post and how you so candidly share about your vulnerability as you gave that presentation that didn't go according to plan. I'm not sure I would've started laughing. I fear I might've started crying!
Your point is well taken. Audiences, including readers, don't care about perfection. They care about connecting with someone who sees and validates them, someone who is real and willing to be vulnerable, too. I try to keep this in mind when I write, so I very much appreciate this reminder. Thank you.
Lastly, I'll say this, Aex - your writing is more than a bit magnetic, too. Well done! I appreciate you.
“People aren't waiting for us to mess up so they can judge us. They're waiting for us to be real so they can connect with us.”
So true!
This: 'Every day, we face the same choice I faced on that stage: Do we keep fighting reality, trying to force ourselves back into the safe script we've prepared? Or do we take a breath, laugh at the beautiful absurdity of being human, and choose aliveness over safety?'
It's so hard to trust aliveness, which sounds crazy since it's what we all are. I wonder if the world today contributes to this 'safe scripting' - where are lives become 'curated' on social media. Maybe better to create than to curate...
These are exactly the words I needed to read today, and so beautifully written. Thanks Alex 😊
"We've confused competence with perfection. But competence isn't about never failing. It's about what you do when failure finds you anyway." This is the lesson I'm continually learning. It proves itself to be true, but I'm resistant to accepting the grace of it. Great insights, Alex!
Kudos to you for discovering how presence was the course correction you need--then sharing it with your readers.
Presence! ❤️
Gorgeous essay. Bravo!
Beautifully written and real. I felt a little panic myself, not gonna lie!
Its so interesting that this arrived this morning. My last client yesterday; I told them about my two-tiered desk and how I put my keyboard on top when I eat so I don't spill food on it. (its usually on the bottom). No matter how many times I do it, I still stick my hands in my food reaching for the keyboard over and over. Granted, I'm uninjured and it isn't in front of 500 people but it does show us just how the ability to laugh at the absurdity is utterly necessary. Beautiful, important post, Alexander. Thank you.
"What if our frantic attempts to control everything are exactly what make us forgettable?"
Food for thought for sure!
I catch myself saying to others - does that make sense? That need to be understood 😵💫
Thank you for this post! Somehow exactly what I needed to hear today. It can also implied to how we view ourselves I think- not even in relation to others. Instead of trying to find some elusive version of perfection, we can own and be present with what is going on and who we are in a moment. Keep losing balance, and keep returning to center.