I particularly relate to: 'There's something revolutionary about admitting you've been hungry when everyone around you insists you should be grateful for crumbs. About saying out loud that the life you've built feels like a beautiful prison.'
Going to print this one out. I hope your writing encompasses writing a non-fiction book with this sort of content?
Hi Susie. Thank you for reading! I'm glad you found resonance in this essay. I love those two lines too. I think they are very empowering, and I think we all need a dose of empowerment right now! 🩵
Ultimately, Penelope, I think that is the crux of it. We are often in the wrong spaces for us. And once we recognize it, it is up to us to move to the next space because it is exhausting to adjust ourselves to containers that we don't choose constantly.
anyone who has ever been "let go", or "laid off", or "made redundant" (for the Brits) can relate to this post in all the ways. As always, I love the imagery you offer as symbolism for the whole message. The match that burns to your fingers, do you need to drop it, or let your own fire glow?
I have to say, I am one of those people who couldn't ever stay too long in a place where my aliveness was being extinguished. I'd rather go without security than be extinguished. That's why I left teaching high school after ten years. It's why I have never been really good at working for someone else.
and, I believe that aliveness isn't just about the positive, happy, pleasant, feel-good feelings. It is about the fullness of feeling. I want to do what scares me, so that I can access the courage. I want to do what hurts me, so that I can develop the resilience. I want to do what angers me so that I can develop my passion. for every "negative" feeling, there is an equal and opposite power that comes with it.
That is aliveness! Yes. Aliveness is the match that can burn out, but it can light the way. I mean that. It can make you feel alive, but wow, can feeling alive be a beautiful, happy, and sometimes painful experience. I definitely struggle with the concept of security. I am one of those that have lingered too long within security and let me flame diminish. Ah. The struggle.
Thank you, my friend. That means so much to me. This June series is VERY different for me, and so I'm feeling a little vulnerable sharing it. But, I'm really proud of this piece!
There are so many tidbits in this and you tied it all together perfectly. I loved the story about the man who got fired. Especially this: "His face has the particular weight of someone who's been swallowing words for so long he's forgotten what his own voice sounds like." Just wow. And who among us hasn't felt as if our life was the wrong size?
The firing story also reminded me about a time my husband got fired. We were parenting three small kids and I wasn't working outside the home at the time. He's mentioned to me more than a few times since then the pressure he felt to put food on the table both before and after getting fired. That "security" thing does hold a person back. Sometimes, staying is the only option. For awhile anyway.
And who among hasn't felt that "shrinking" thing. Time and time again we attempt to make ourselves fit into some mold we never could or should fit into.
Your observations about fear and excitement - so insightful. Mistaking tolerance for strength, endurance for wisdom - same.
Finally, "Aliveness is a match you held too long. It will burn you but it will light the way." Brilliant. Thank you.
Thank you! I appreciate you sharing such a personal story. I can relate, to some extent, with security and feeling held back. In an earlier job, and when I was married, I stayed in a job too long because of the pressure. I was well paid, but it was a terrible role. Terrible coworkers. Terrible work. It took so much from me. And took so much from us. I can only imagine if we had children too!
Thank you, as always, for reading and sharing such insightful reflections and comments. It means the world to me. 🩵
Mesmerizing and amazing. Each time I read you it’s better than the last. You are truly gifted Alex whether you know it or not. You touch my soul and the part of me that I fantasized no one knows. Truly pulls me in and gives me a sense someone really comprehends feelings. Thank you.
Alex, what a fantastic story. It really hits home on a universal level. So much substance packed into your conversation with the botanist, as you called him--and rightly so, since this sounded like his deepest, truest dream. I love that he felt free, that he was in a headspace to take that healthy risk to study botany, which sounds like a huge pivot from his corporate job.
I'm hearing more and more stories of people in corporate jobs who feel like the life is just sucked right out of them. And that makes me feel a combination of relief and gratitude that I have never been in a corporate job, never cared so much about "climbing the ladder" or making gobs of money. I always knew the subjects I studied or pursued (school counseling, then writing) would not make me rich, but I didn't care, because I wanted to do something meaningful to me, to make a contribution to the world in a way that made me feel good about myself and allowed me the freedom to retain who I truly am.
Oh, the corporate world can be soul sucking. Not just sucking the life out of you, but the soul. Talking with him reflected something back to me that felt familiar, and in many ways, was so very disturbing. I'm so glad that you chose something that fulfilled you! That is rare 🩵
Is it rare, Alex? I guess…I don’t know any other way to be. Making loads of money just never appealed to me. I remember when I was a school counseling intern at a middle school, and my on-site supervisor literally told me, “I chose to work in this school system, because school counselors are considered administrators, and we get administrator pay. I want to make a lot of money.”
I don’t know why, but that shocked me. I sat there for a moment and asked myself, “Is that why I’m doing this? Do I want to make a lot of money?” I didn’t like the fact that the counselor-as-administrator meant that we could not actually COUNSEL the students, which is what I was training to do. We could not be PRESENT with them in their many struggles—of adolescence and coming of age, with issues at home, with friend/peer concerns, to support them as they navigated forming an identity and what that meant to them, as we guided them to select what they wanted to do with their lives that would be meaningful.
My on-site supervisor subsequently told me, “Yeah, I’m never home, and I really don’t get to see my husband or kids anymore.” She began to cry. “I think we might actually be getting a divorce soon.”
So I looked at the framed photo on my intern desk, which was of my own wedding that happened maybe six months before, and I made myself a promise: “I will never do anything with my life that will cost me the relationships that mean the most to me.”
I think I always knew I wasn’t cut out to work “for” someone else or be sitting behind a desk from 9 to 5. Still, I did those things, and I never felt fulfilled. The office politics were suffocating, so I avoided the break rooms, which then labeled me as antisocial or snobby to the rest of the “team.” Anyway, thanks for reading!
I've told every young person or client I've ever coached not to depend on the loyalty of an employer, no matter what their "Values" statement says. Always follow the heart's path, no matter how crazy and scary it feels. Depend on life to deliver everything you need to find your peaceful, fulfilling place in it. The problem isn't that it's not there, it's that we constantly filter it out with left brain concerns about survival. When we open to the field of possibilities instead, magic can happen. Great post
Yes. What we want matters so much. And we ignore it. I have been guilty of that. So often! I think many of us have, especially in youth. We are very vulnerable to the social programming of hustle culture. Thank you for sharing, and I'm so glad you are out there ensuring people follow their heart path 🩵
A post we can all identify with, Alex. You mentioned dreaming bigger and I chuckled. That was the title of my first book - Dream Bigger: Reclaiming A Life of Joy and Ease. And I wrote about what you are saying here -sometimes life has a bigger plan for us, so when things fall apart, it's time to dream bigger. I guess great minds think alike 😉 I appreciate your perspective and wisdom. Thank you for this story.
Haha, well, I am chuckling too. If my mind relates in any way to yours, I'm grateful! Great minds sometimes do think alike, and I certainly am delighted for that! I love the name of that book, I will have to pick up a copy :) Thank you for sharing 🩵
Alex, What a great story! It's so exciting to watch someone come alive again. I feel fortunate that I moved to Hawaii a decade ago. Although I've had struggles, I also feel in touch with what brings me alive.
It just arrives, announcing itself in your chest, your breath, your sudden inability to look away from something beautiful.''
I spent all morning with a dear friend who needed to share a revelation she had these past few weeks. The words you have written here sum up exactly what she was feeling and expressing. I think your story is truthful for many of us, even if we are not in the corporate world.
''I think about the creative projects I keep "preparing" for instead of starting, as if preparation were a destination instead of an excuse. The conversations I keep postponing until I feel ready, as if readiness were something you could purchase instead of something you discover in the doing.''
Alexander, you crawled into my brain and extracted these words from my vocabulary! Thank you for this essay, it has added clarity and understanding to things happening in my life these days.
"Joy doesn't ask permission. It just arrives, announcing itself in your chest, your breath, your sudden inability to look away from something beautiful." Ain't that the truth. "There's something revolutionary about admitting you've been hungry when everyone around you insists you should be grateful for crumbs." Ain't that the triple truth! This was a wonderful read, and affirming and helpful. Thank you!
Finally reaching the time where our heart’s call is not quieted by fear.
My favorite metaphor in this essay is: “ We become origami versions of ourselves, folding and refolding until we forget our original shape.”. Rich, vivid, evocative.
I was blessed to have an excellent role model in the space of reinventing oneself. My Dad was not scared to return to school for more training, he was an MD who practiced general medicine for three decades, then returned to school for a second medical residence in anesthesia. He moved and transitioned all his life, even working into his 80’s until medical insurance would not cover him any more. He was a highly flawed man, yet brave and inspiring. He taught me that I could accomplish anything I wanted to, and I have.
This is an AMAZING piece. Thank you.
I particularly relate to: 'There's something revolutionary about admitting you've been hungry when everyone around you insists you should be grateful for crumbs. About saying out loud that the life you've built feels like a beautiful prison.'
Going to print this one out. I hope your writing encompasses writing a non-fiction book with this sort of content?
Hi Susie. Thank you for reading! I'm glad you found resonance in this essay. I love those two lines too. I think they are very empowering, and I think we all need a dose of empowerment right now! 🩵
My whole life this and realising it’s not me that is the problem, there is no problem, I’m in the wrong place that’s all!!
That we're too much for some spaces, not enough for others, and constantly adjusting our dimensions to fit containers that we never chose?
Ultimately, Penelope, I think that is the crux of it. We are often in the wrong spaces for us. And once we recognize it, it is up to us to move to the next space because it is exhausting to adjust ourselves to containers that we don't choose constantly.
100%….I now have a plan !!
anyone who has ever been "let go", or "laid off", or "made redundant" (for the Brits) can relate to this post in all the ways. As always, I love the imagery you offer as symbolism for the whole message. The match that burns to your fingers, do you need to drop it, or let your own fire glow?
I have to say, I am one of those people who couldn't ever stay too long in a place where my aliveness was being extinguished. I'd rather go without security than be extinguished. That's why I left teaching high school after ten years. It's why I have never been really good at working for someone else.
and, I believe that aliveness isn't just about the positive, happy, pleasant, feel-good feelings. It is about the fullness of feeling. I want to do what scares me, so that I can access the courage. I want to do what hurts me, so that I can develop the resilience. I want to do what angers me so that I can develop my passion. for every "negative" feeling, there is an equal and opposite power that comes with it.
That's aliveness!
That is aliveness! Yes. Aliveness is the match that can burn out, but it can light the way. I mean that. It can make you feel alive, but wow, can feeling alive be a beautiful, happy, and sometimes painful experience. I definitely struggle with the concept of security. I am one of those that have lingered too long within security and let me flame diminish. Ah. The struggle.
Ugh, this is packed with brilliance. The language, the imagery, the wisdom—it’s all just spot on.
Stunning in every way.
Thank you, my friend. That means so much to me. This June series is VERY different for me, and so I'm feeling a little vulnerable sharing it. But, I'm really proud of this piece!
You should be! It's so, so good. Keep going. We need to hear what you have to say. *I* need to hear what you have to say. 🧡
Hi Alex,
There are so many tidbits in this and you tied it all together perfectly. I loved the story about the man who got fired. Especially this: "His face has the particular weight of someone who's been swallowing words for so long he's forgotten what his own voice sounds like." Just wow. And who among us hasn't felt as if our life was the wrong size?
The firing story also reminded me about a time my husband got fired. We were parenting three small kids and I wasn't working outside the home at the time. He's mentioned to me more than a few times since then the pressure he felt to put food on the table both before and after getting fired. That "security" thing does hold a person back. Sometimes, staying is the only option. For awhile anyway.
And who among hasn't felt that "shrinking" thing. Time and time again we attempt to make ourselves fit into some mold we never could or should fit into.
Your observations about fear and excitement - so insightful. Mistaking tolerance for strength, endurance for wisdom - same.
Finally, "Aliveness is a match you held too long. It will burn you but it will light the way." Brilliant. Thank you.
Hi Nancy,
Thank you! I appreciate you sharing such a personal story. I can relate, to some extent, with security and feeling held back. In an earlier job, and when I was married, I stayed in a job too long because of the pressure. I was well paid, but it was a terrible role. Terrible coworkers. Terrible work. It took so much from me. And took so much from us. I can only imagine if we had children too!
Thank you, as always, for reading and sharing such insightful reflections and comments. It means the world to me. 🩵
Keep shining dear one💚♥️🌟! I am so grateful for the powerful and helpful truth you share..🌟
Thank you, Nancy. I so appreciate you being here, reading, and sharing your kindness with us 🩵
Rightsizing our lives,
repotting, for roots and fruits.
As true as free breaths.
...
Staying, moving on,
anxiety, excitement.
Aliveness Alex.
Breathtakingly beautiful. Repotting, for roots and fruits. As true as free breaths. 🩵
Beautiful!
Mesmerizing and amazing. Each time I read you it’s better than the last. You are truly gifted Alex whether you know it or not. You touch my soul and the part of me that I fantasized no one knows. Truly pulls me in and gives me a sense someone really comprehends feelings. Thank you.
Oh, thank you, my friend. I'm so glad my writing resonates with you like this 🩵 You are always welcome here.
Alex, what a fantastic story. It really hits home on a universal level. So much substance packed into your conversation with the botanist, as you called him--and rightly so, since this sounded like his deepest, truest dream. I love that he felt free, that he was in a headspace to take that healthy risk to study botany, which sounds like a huge pivot from his corporate job.
I'm hearing more and more stories of people in corporate jobs who feel like the life is just sucked right out of them. And that makes me feel a combination of relief and gratitude that I have never been in a corporate job, never cared so much about "climbing the ladder" or making gobs of money. I always knew the subjects I studied or pursued (school counseling, then writing) would not make me rich, but I didn't care, because I wanted to do something meaningful to me, to make a contribution to the world in a way that made me feel good about myself and allowed me the freedom to retain who I truly am.
I'm so glad you shared this! Thank you.
Oh, the corporate world can be soul sucking. Not just sucking the life out of you, but the soul. Talking with him reflected something back to me that felt familiar, and in many ways, was so very disturbing. I'm so glad that you chose something that fulfilled you! That is rare 🩵
Is it rare, Alex? I guess…I don’t know any other way to be. Making loads of money just never appealed to me. I remember when I was a school counseling intern at a middle school, and my on-site supervisor literally told me, “I chose to work in this school system, because school counselors are considered administrators, and we get administrator pay. I want to make a lot of money.”
I don’t know why, but that shocked me. I sat there for a moment and asked myself, “Is that why I’m doing this? Do I want to make a lot of money?” I didn’t like the fact that the counselor-as-administrator meant that we could not actually COUNSEL the students, which is what I was training to do. We could not be PRESENT with them in their many struggles—of adolescence and coming of age, with issues at home, with friend/peer concerns, to support them as they navigated forming an identity and what that meant to them, as we guided them to select what they wanted to do with their lives that would be meaningful.
My on-site supervisor subsequently told me, “Yeah, I’m never home, and I really don’t get to see my husband or kids anymore.” She began to cry. “I think we might actually be getting a divorce soon.”
So I looked at the framed photo on my intern desk, which was of my own wedding that happened maybe six months before, and I made myself a promise: “I will never do anything with my life that will cost me the relationships that mean the most to me.”
I think I always knew I wasn’t cut out to work “for” someone else or be sitting behind a desk from 9 to 5. Still, I did those things, and I never felt fulfilled. The office politics were suffocating, so I avoided the break rooms, which then labeled me as antisocial or snobby to the rest of the “team.” Anyway, thanks for reading!
I've told every young person or client I've ever coached not to depend on the loyalty of an employer, no matter what their "Values" statement says. Always follow the heart's path, no matter how crazy and scary it feels. Depend on life to deliver everything you need to find your peaceful, fulfilling place in it. The problem isn't that it's not there, it's that we constantly filter it out with left brain concerns about survival. When we open to the field of possibilities instead, magic can happen. Great post
Yes. What we want matters so much. And we ignore it. I have been guilty of that. So often! I think many of us have, especially in youth. We are very vulnerable to the social programming of hustle culture. Thank you for sharing, and I'm so glad you are out there ensuring people follow their heart path 🩵
Chance encounters are the best ! So many messages in a single meeting... Thank you for sharing !
It was such a fun meeting, and I'm sharing three more fun encounters throughout this month on the train. 🩵
I'm planning on writing on one myself in the coming weeks ! That's a theme ! Can't wait to read these !
A post we can all identify with, Alex. You mentioned dreaming bigger and I chuckled. That was the title of my first book - Dream Bigger: Reclaiming A Life of Joy and Ease. And I wrote about what you are saying here -sometimes life has a bigger plan for us, so when things fall apart, it's time to dream bigger. I guess great minds think alike 😉 I appreciate your perspective and wisdom. Thank you for this story.
Haha, well, I am chuckling too. If my mind relates in any way to yours, I'm grateful! Great minds sometimes do think alike, and I certainly am delighted for that! I love the name of that book, I will have to pick up a copy :) Thank you for sharing 🩵
Alex, What a great story! It's so exciting to watch someone come alive again. I feel fortunate that I moved to Hawaii a decade ago. Although I've had struggles, I also feel in touch with what brings me alive.
Thank you, Sandra! Hawaii is a beautiful place. I certainly felt alive there. It is almost as if I could feel the heartbeat of the earth there. 🩵
''Joy doesn't ask permission.
It just arrives, announcing itself in your chest, your breath, your sudden inability to look away from something beautiful.''
I spent all morning with a dear friend who needed to share a revelation she had these past few weeks. The words you have written here sum up exactly what she was feeling and expressing. I think your story is truthful for many of us, even if we are not in the corporate world.
''I think about the creative projects I keep "preparing" for instead of starting, as if preparation were a destination instead of an excuse. The conversations I keep postponing until I feel ready, as if readiness were something you could purchase instead of something you discover in the doing.''
Alexander, you crawled into my brain and extracted these words from my vocabulary! Thank you for this essay, it has added clarity and understanding to things happening in my life these days.
Thanks, Alex.
"Joy doesn't ask permission. It just arrives, announcing itself in your chest, your breath, your sudden inability to look away from something beautiful." Ain't that the truth. "There's something revolutionary about admitting you've been hungry when everyone around you insists you should be grateful for crumbs." Ain't that the triple truth! This was a wonderful read, and affirming and helpful. Thank you!
I truly love this.
Finally reaching the time where our heart’s call is not quieted by fear.
My favorite metaphor in this essay is: “ We become origami versions of ourselves, folding and refolding until we forget our original shape.”. Rich, vivid, evocative.
I was blessed to have an excellent role model in the space of reinventing oneself. My Dad was not scared to return to school for more training, he was an MD who practiced general medicine for three decades, then returned to school for a second medical residence in anesthesia. He moved and transitioned all his life, even working into his 80’s until medical insurance would not cover him any more. He was a highly flawed man, yet brave and inspiring. He taught me that I could accomplish anything I wanted to, and I have.