You are so right! When I am out, I find myself wanting to talk to people, and sometimes I do. I remember as a young hurried mom, the last thing I wanted was someone in the grocery store to start talking to me. But now I have more time, and I think, why not? I am usually met with a cordial response. When did we stop talking to each other? Like you, I have found it depends on the place.
It is actually kind of nice to say things to others in line. I was at Costco today waiting in a LONG self check-out line and one of the sample workers started her pitch. And I decided to engage, try it, ask her questions, and thank her for her time. And she said, "thank you for talking to me. No one has, and I've missed it." It hit me hard. We are almost starved for connection.
Agreed! As I walk through the world purposefully engaging with more people, I get the same response. Genuine gratitude for taking a few minutes to connect. It brightens my day and theres.
It's funny because I feel like it's not socially acceptable to talk to people, and they might think I'm off. I still think a kind exchange can change someone's life, so if people think I'm a little but nutty, it's worth the risk.
Isn’t it a little crazy that we think that talking to each other is “nutty?” I feel like you summed up this perfectly. It’s actually nutty that we don’t talk to each other!!! Definitely worth the risk.
Alex, about a year ago my dad invited me to go to the VA with him for his annual doctor's check-up. The Minneapolis VA is one of the largest medical campuses in the country. I watched as my dad, one by one snapped a number of "zombies" out of their zombie states by connecting with them directly, one-on-one, asking sincerely how they are doing and waiting for an answer so he could feel them at the heart level. He did that with absolutely every human person who would look him back when he searched to look them in the eye. It was beautiful.
I love learning more about you, Alex. Thanks for these photos and personal stories. Didn't know you lived in Utah, for instance. Or that you battle your ADHD to write. (That was kinda fun and cute.)
Regarding your essay, everything you write is what I also notice in my daily life. I don't live in a big city. It's a midsize Midwestern town, but as I read your story today, I thought about a snapshot of everyday life from a few months ago.
I was picking up my kids from school. I'd arrived about thirty minutes early, and I brought a book to pass the time. Also, my YouTube playlist was blaring as I parked our SUV. And then I had this urge to turn it all off--the music, the words, my brain. I decided to simply sit in silence and breathe, taking in my surroundings.
Naturally, I felt calmer doing this. Almost instantly, in fact. But then I felt awash in sadness as I noticed the teens crossing through the parking lot after the high school across the street dismissed for the day. Each of them had their airpods or headphones, and if not, well, they were all staring at their phones.
None smiled. A few jabbed each other in the ribs and laughed, but mostly they were plugged in.
And I thought of my own childhood. Now, I am dating myself here, but I am almost 44. I grew up in the 80s and 90s, where personal, handheld devices simply didn't exist. And while I observed these teens aimlessly wandering--like zombies, as you said here today--I felt a sense of loss for something they will never know. They will never understand a world without smartphones and apps and social media. They have no concept of what it was like for a teenager thirty years ago, when we called our best friend on an actual landline and TALKED (not texted) in order to make plans to hang out. While we were together in the same room, again, we TALKED to each other. We laughed and watched movies and gossiped and decided whether we wanted to get pizza or Mexican for dinner. It was a totally different vibe.
But what makes me even sadder is seeing ADULTS do the same thing--plugged in, tuned out. THEY KNOW what life can be without these addictive devices!
I admit that I have to be intentional about putting down my phone and allotting myself a specific amount of time on my laptop each day. But I do honor that as part of my personal integrity. And magically, I come back to myself when I do. I find delight in the small things you mentioned today. I savor my food and herbal tea. I listen to the birds outside my window or giggle when a scampering squirrel stops on a tree branch to chatter at me. I notice the trees and the wind and inhale the scent of pine during my daily walk with our dog, Daisy.
All this to say: yes. I feel what you wrote. I see it, too. And I am grateful to be among others, like you, who are making an effort to notice things again. In my view, it's the only way we can truly salvage what's best--and left--of humanity.
Thank you for always reading and sharing such meaningful comments. I've been so grateful to continue to learn about your life through your writing. It has had such an impact on me!
I'm in my mid-30s. Not too far behind :). And let's be honest, nowadays I think 50 is still young! So you aren't even close to dating yourself.
My childhood was full of play and adventure. Between hockey, 4-wheeling in a nearby field, running to the local gas station for slurpees, "nightgames," and more... The cell phone was the big brick - so totally impractical and wasn't something I was able to use. The landline was all I needed. I think that is also part of what I'm realizing - when we slow down and take moments to stop, we realize that what we have is enough. It is something we can cultivate gratitude for. We don't need anything extra.
I am worried about the younger generations, but I think they are also beginning to realize their own need to unplug... or at least do a digital detox. I think the more awareness they have, the better.
I honestly think we see rising ADHD diagnoses because the brain is simply not made for this much stimulation ALL THE TIME. And it if is not made for all of this stimulation, perhaps the brain simply gets overwhelmed. Definitely just a guess for me.
Thank you for sharing. I'm glad you can get out with Daisy. I take Helix and Poppy out for walks daily too. And it is one of my favorite things to do. 🩵
Alex - "when we slow down and take moments to stop, we realize that what we have is enough."
YES!
And the brick cell phone! My first cell was one of those with the antenna. It was a COLLEGE graduation gift and was the first digital cell.
Agree on the ADHD and how our brains are not meant to process the amount of info dumped on them. Are you familiar with the work of Dr. Gabor Mate? He wrote a book about this topic (among many others - he is known best for hus trauma research and experience working with those who are addicted to substances). I have the book, because THREE of my five kids have been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD, and they did not grow up with devices! Dr. Mate believes ADHD is primarily due to particular needs for connection remaining unmet, and he uses a slew of research to substantiate that claim. There's more to it, of course, but that's what I remember most.
Felt like this most of my life growing up and living in Brooklyn NY for 65 years. I rebelled whenever I could but never felt like I fit in especially on NYC streets.
I live in a pretty small town, and am happy to report that the coffee shop I visit is usually full of people making eye contact and small talk. It always makes me smile because I have noticed your zombies elsewhere out in the wild. I am particularly disturbed when I witness parent zombies teaching their very young children their zombie ways - a father wearing earbuds while pushing a toddler in a stroller, a couple giving their two kids (one barely more than an infant!) iPhones to keep them occupied at a restaurant table. The disease starts at a very young age. We are led to believe we can get everything we need from a handheld device designed to encourage addiction and consumption. But we can’t. We need each other. We need relationships and community. A lot of the time, it’s not wholly our fault. We become zombies because we’re exhausted and scared. Our society is a wee bit broken, leaving us feeling like constant hustling is our only chance at survival. We can definitely take steps to slow down, observe, appreciate … but I’ve been thinking a lot this week about the fact that we can only do so much as individuals. Change needs to happen on a broader scale as well. Did you happen to read a recent piece about how the way we live in America is not normal? I’m going to add a link. I think you will find it interesting.
Sorry for the super long comment. You clearly struck a chord. 😉
Thank you for sharing that article! I agree with everything. How we live might feel "normal" to us, but it certainly doesn't mesh with nearly the rest of the world.
"We are led to believe we can get everything we need from a handheld device designed to encourage addiction and consumption. But we can’t. We need each other. We need relationships and community."
This really got me. I think this strikes at the essence of what I was sharing. We NEED each other. We need connection. And if we don't have it, I fear that our lives will simply become less exceptional.
If you do choose to turn this into a post, I'd be delighted to read it. I think you will have something very interesting to say.
Hey - sometimes I’M a zombie too. Especially when I go into overstim mode.
I wonder if, when we have the awareness that we are in zombie mode, how that changes our experience. Thank you for sharing - I can’t wait to explore this more!
We have officially signed Alex Lovell as a Guest Presenter at The Creator Retreat, and this article is a great example of the wisdom he will share, slow living. The Creator Retreat is a slow, steady, and soulful approach to creating (and promoting your creations) on Substack. We are seeking the shy, quiet types who like to linger the corners of coffee shops and people watch as the "zombie" herd plows through their days.
I'm super excited to have Alex "dig in" with us and workshop the ways we can slow down to be more productive, intentional, and work with integrity.
I'm likely headed back toward the SLC area/a suburb after two years of traveling, so that was fun to read about an area I know well! It's been such a gift to connect with so many people all over the country and Europe, and definitely helped me slow down and observe and talk to strangers. Because my travel has been mostly solo, I've really needed to make friends where I am and been dazzled by how many people are happy to talk, be interrupted, be asked about the thing they're doing, asked about their name, etc.
(On the zombie theme though, yesterday I walked into a dealership service area where everyone was sitting in rows, facing the door I'd just come through. Literally 1 person out of probably 25 was even looking up and observing anything other than their phones. She gave me a really nice smile as I passed, and I smiled back.
Oh WOW! How fun - i’m so glad you have been taking the time to do some traveling. I love solo traveling. It really connects me to.. me! I haven’t met anyone yet that has come from the SLC valley! How exciting! 🩵
I am so glad you found your “downright cozy” town Alexander! I am moving away from the DC area next year to a small town in upstate NY, hoping to find exactly that. I loved the way you spoke about that search for any meaningful glance or enjoyment from others while in the midst of the rat race. I can totally relate. Well done!
Yes! Sometimes I feel like we are all starved for connection, and when we are in the zombie shuffle, we simply can’t connect. I hope you are able to find that slowness around you. It has simply changed my life, and this time I’m not being dramatic!
Haha I’m so happy that it has, quite literally, changed your life. I could sense that in this piece. I know it’s waiting for me and cannot wait to inject that slow town living into my bloodstream as soon as possible. It all comes back to connection and our lack of it in the modern world. Have you researched third spaces and walkability and how cities and towns are structured in America?
I did a lot of research on third spaces back in my phd, but had to put that down and never got back to it. But even this question has prompted me to look at it again within the context of walkability and city/town structure. Do you have any recommendations for me to start?
I’ll add it to my list! I’m just finishing some research and work on hostile architecture.
That’s great you could do so much research for it in school. The Embrace of Buildings and Walkable City for recs. Oh my goodness, not to influence your writing whatsoever, but I’d love to read anything you write about hostile architecture.
So well written Alex, so many good examples of how we go through life asleep without even realising and how many simple ways we can enjoy more of life. Remembering to savour the SECOND AND THIRD sips and not just the first was a great one for me 🥰
Loved this quote (among many others) : “slowing down” is less about changing our entire lifestyle and more about changing how we see.
YES YES YES. This has been a massive realisation for me also, that in some ways I don't need to do much differently - I simply need to actually pay attention to what I'm doing, rather than being on autopilot and not rushing to the next thing 🙏
Oh, thank you! I think that what you quote was a BIG realization for me. This whole idea that I don't actually need "change," I simply just need to be, and be there with myself, was quite a relief. Thank you for reading and also sharing. 🩵
This was cool Alex - same in my Starbucks on the other side of 'the pond' - thanks for the reminder to slow down. I'd like to share a link to this in my newsletter next week.
This resonates deeply, Alex. I, too, have felt caught in that zombie shuffle—a relentless drive to “do” while the world blurs around me. It took years for me to realize that slowing down isn’t about stopping life but about witnessing it.
For me, it often starts with something small: feeling the weight of my breath, noticing how sunlight hits the kitchen counter, or pausing mid-step to listen to the quiet hum of the world. These moments don’t demand much, yet they offer everything—reminders that I’m alive, that I’m here.
Your words capture the beauty of this awareness so well. Thank you for this gentle nudge to keep choosing presence over urgency.
You are so right! When I am out, I find myself wanting to talk to people, and sometimes I do. I remember as a young hurried mom, the last thing I wanted was someone in the grocery store to start talking to me. But now I have more time, and I think, why not? I am usually met with a cordial response. When did we stop talking to each other? Like you, I have found it depends on the place.
It is actually kind of nice to say things to others in line. I was at Costco today waiting in a LONG self check-out line and one of the sample workers started her pitch. And I decided to engage, try it, ask her questions, and thank her for her time. And she said, "thank you for talking to me. No one has, and I've missed it." It hit me hard. We are almost starved for connection.
Agreed! As I walk through the world purposefully engaging with more people, I get the same response. Genuine gratitude for taking a few minutes to connect. It brightens my day and theres.
YES! llona, encouraging you to keep talking to people. I am doing the same! Also, just simple eye contact and a smile.
It's funny because I feel like it's not socially acceptable to talk to people, and they might think I'm off. I still think a kind exchange can change someone's life, so if people think I'm a little but nutty, it's worth the risk.
Isn’t it a little crazy that we think that talking to each other is “nutty?” I feel like you summed up this perfectly. It’s actually nutty that we don’t talk to each other!!! Definitely worth the risk.
Agreed llona! Worth the risk. ✨
Alex, about a year ago my dad invited me to go to the VA with him for his annual doctor's check-up. The Minneapolis VA is one of the largest medical campuses in the country. I watched as my dad, one by one snapped a number of "zombies" out of their zombie states by connecting with them directly, one-on-one, asking sincerely how they are doing and waiting for an answer so he could feel them at the heart level. He did that with absolutely every human person who would look him back when he searched to look them in the eye. It was beautiful.
What a delightful story. Your father sounds like an amazing man. It takes a special person to care enough about connecting with so many people.
he is a special man, and I also think there is a deep loneliness that he feels in the world that he can’t help but try to remedy.
I love learning more about you, Alex. Thanks for these photos and personal stories. Didn't know you lived in Utah, for instance. Or that you battle your ADHD to write. (That was kinda fun and cute.)
Regarding your essay, everything you write is what I also notice in my daily life. I don't live in a big city. It's a midsize Midwestern town, but as I read your story today, I thought about a snapshot of everyday life from a few months ago.
I was picking up my kids from school. I'd arrived about thirty minutes early, and I brought a book to pass the time. Also, my YouTube playlist was blaring as I parked our SUV. And then I had this urge to turn it all off--the music, the words, my brain. I decided to simply sit in silence and breathe, taking in my surroundings.
Naturally, I felt calmer doing this. Almost instantly, in fact. But then I felt awash in sadness as I noticed the teens crossing through the parking lot after the high school across the street dismissed for the day. Each of them had their airpods or headphones, and if not, well, they were all staring at their phones.
None smiled. A few jabbed each other in the ribs and laughed, but mostly they were plugged in.
And I thought of my own childhood. Now, I am dating myself here, but I am almost 44. I grew up in the 80s and 90s, where personal, handheld devices simply didn't exist. And while I observed these teens aimlessly wandering--like zombies, as you said here today--I felt a sense of loss for something they will never know. They will never understand a world without smartphones and apps and social media. They have no concept of what it was like for a teenager thirty years ago, when we called our best friend on an actual landline and TALKED (not texted) in order to make plans to hang out. While we were together in the same room, again, we TALKED to each other. We laughed and watched movies and gossiped and decided whether we wanted to get pizza or Mexican for dinner. It was a totally different vibe.
But what makes me even sadder is seeing ADULTS do the same thing--plugged in, tuned out. THEY KNOW what life can be without these addictive devices!
I admit that I have to be intentional about putting down my phone and allotting myself a specific amount of time on my laptop each day. But I do honor that as part of my personal integrity. And magically, I come back to myself when I do. I find delight in the small things you mentioned today. I savor my food and herbal tea. I listen to the birds outside my window or giggle when a scampering squirrel stops on a tree branch to chatter at me. I notice the trees and the wind and inhale the scent of pine during my daily walk with our dog, Daisy.
All this to say: yes. I feel what you wrote. I see it, too. And I am grateful to be among others, like you, who are making an effort to notice things again. In my view, it's the only way we can truly salvage what's best--and left--of humanity.
Thank you for always reading and sharing such meaningful comments. I've been so grateful to continue to learn about your life through your writing. It has had such an impact on me!
I'm in my mid-30s. Not too far behind :). And let's be honest, nowadays I think 50 is still young! So you aren't even close to dating yourself.
My childhood was full of play and adventure. Between hockey, 4-wheeling in a nearby field, running to the local gas station for slurpees, "nightgames," and more... The cell phone was the big brick - so totally impractical and wasn't something I was able to use. The landline was all I needed. I think that is also part of what I'm realizing - when we slow down and take moments to stop, we realize that what we have is enough. It is something we can cultivate gratitude for. We don't need anything extra.
I am worried about the younger generations, but I think they are also beginning to realize their own need to unplug... or at least do a digital detox. I think the more awareness they have, the better.
I honestly think we see rising ADHD diagnoses because the brain is simply not made for this much stimulation ALL THE TIME. And it if is not made for all of this stimulation, perhaps the brain simply gets overwhelmed. Definitely just a guess for me.
Thank you for sharing. I'm glad you can get out with Daisy. I take Helix and Poppy out for walks daily too. And it is one of my favorite things to do. 🩵
Alex - "when we slow down and take moments to stop, we realize that what we have is enough."
YES!
And the brick cell phone! My first cell was one of those with the antenna. It was a COLLEGE graduation gift and was the first digital cell.
Agree on the ADHD and how our brains are not meant to process the amount of info dumped on them. Are you familiar with the work of Dr. Gabor Mate? He wrote a book about this topic (among many others - he is known best for hus trauma research and experience working with those who are addicted to substances). I have the book, because THREE of my five kids have been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD, and they did not grow up with devices! Dr. Mate believes ADHD is primarily due to particular needs for connection remaining unmet, and he uses a slew of research to substantiate that claim. There's more to it, of course, but that's what I remember most.
I haven’t read his work. I’ll have to dive in! Thank you for the recommendation. ❤️
Felt like this most of my life growing up and living in Brooklyn NY for 65 years. I rebelled whenever I could but never felt like I fit in especially on NYC streets.
It's hard to rebel when it is what surrounds you!
Yes you are right. I guess the term I should have used was resisted as much as I could, but was unsuccessful.
Resistance is fantastic. And it can be lifelong. Even a little simple pause, a breath, is an act of defiance and resistance. 🩵
I live in a pretty small town, and am happy to report that the coffee shop I visit is usually full of people making eye contact and small talk. It always makes me smile because I have noticed your zombies elsewhere out in the wild. I am particularly disturbed when I witness parent zombies teaching their very young children their zombie ways - a father wearing earbuds while pushing a toddler in a stroller, a couple giving their two kids (one barely more than an infant!) iPhones to keep them occupied at a restaurant table. The disease starts at a very young age. We are led to believe we can get everything we need from a handheld device designed to encourage addiction and consumption. But we can’t. We need each other. We need relationships and community. A lot of the time, it’s not wholly our fault. We become zombies because we’re exhausted and scared. Our society is a wee bit broken, leaving us feeling like constant hustling is our only chance at survival. We can definitely take steps to slow down, observe, appreciate … but I’ve been thinking a lot this week about the fact that we can only do so much as individuals. Change needs to happen on a broader scale as well. Did you happen to read a recent piece about how the way we live in America is not normal? I’m going to add a link. I think you will find it interesting.
Sorry for the super long comment. You clearly struck a chord. 😉
Thank you for sharing that article! I agree with everything. How we live might feel "normal" to us, but it certainly doesn't mesh with nearly the rest of the world.
"We are led to believe we can get everything we need from a handheld device designed to encourage addiction and consumption. But we can’t. We need each other. We need relationships and community."
This really got me. I think this strikes at the essence of what I was sharing. We NEED each other. We need connection. And if we don't have it, I fear that our lives will simply become less exceptional.
If you do choose to turn this into a post, I'd be delighted to read it. I think you will have something very interesting to say.
https://open.substack.com/pub/kirstenpowers/p/the-way-we-live-in-the-united-states?r=4a8r9&utm_medium=ios
Sometimes I have levity, and sometimes I'm a zombie - it's easier when you have sensory overload to just get in and get out.
Sometimes I feel expansive and smile and chat with strangers, even if just for a sentence, or a smile.
Hey - sometimes I’M a zombie too. Especially when I go into overstim mode.
I wonder if, when we have the awareness that we are in zombie mode, how that changes our experience. Thank you for sharing - I can’t wait to explore this more!
thank you for recognizing overstim. Appreciate that.
We have officially signed Alex Lovell as a Guest Presenter at The Creator Retreat, and this article is a great example of the wisdom he will share, slow living. The Creator Retreat is a slow, steady, and soulful approach to creating (and promoting your creations) on Substack. We are seeking the shy, quiet types who like to linger the corners of coffee shops and people watch as the "zombie" herd plows through their days.
I'm super excited to have Alex "dig in" with us and workshop the ways we can slow down to be more productive, intentional, and work with integrity.
And I am so excited to “dig in” with everyone! I vibe with a soulful approach to creation. It makes things so much more worth it!
The word that continued to surface while reading was SAVOR. Savor aliveness ✨
Oh, I LOVE that word. Thank you for sharing it. 🩵
I'm likely headed back toward the SLC area/a suburb after two years of traveling, so that was fun to read about an area I know well! It's been such a gift to connect with so many people all over the country and Europe, and definitely helped me slow down and observe and talk to strangers. Because my travel has been mostly solo, I've really needed to make friends where I am and been dazzled by how many people are happy to talk, be interrupted, be asked about the thing they're doing, asked about their name, etc.
(On the zombie theme though, yesterday I walked into a dealership service area where everyone was sitting in rows, facing the door I'd just come through. Literally 1 person out of probably 25 was even looking up and observing anything other than their phones. She gave me a really nice smile as I passed, and I smiled back.
Oh WOW! How fun - i’m so glad you have been taking the time to do some traveling. I love solo traveling. It really connects me to.. me! I haven’t met anyone yet that has come from the SLC valley! How exciting! 🩵
This is absolutely wonderful!
Thank you, Ron! I really appreciate you reading and sharing! It means a lot to me.
My pleasure, Alexander!
I am so glad you found your “downright cozy” town Alexander! I am moving away from the DC area next year to a small town in upstate NY, hoping to find exactly that. I loved the way you spoke about that search for any meaningful glance or enjoyment from others while in the midst of the rat race. I can totally relate. Well done!
Yes! Sometimes I feel like we are all starved for connection, and when we are in the zombie shuffle, we simply can’t connect. I hope you are able to find that slowness around you. It has simply changed my life, and this time I’m not being dramatic!
Haha I’m so happy that it has, quite literally, changed your life. I could sense that in this piece. I know it’s waiting for me and cannot wait to inject that slow town living into my bloodstream as soon as possible. It all comes back to connection and our lack of it in the modern world. Have you researched third spaces and walkability and how cities and towns are structured in America?
I did a lot of research on third spaces back in my phd, but had to put that down and never got back to it. But even this question has prompted me to look at it again within the context of walkability and city/town structure. Do you have any recommendations for me to start?
I’ll add it to my list! I’m just finishing some research and work on hostile architecture.
That’s great you could do so much research for it in school. The Embrace of Buildings and Walkable City for recs. Oh my goodness, not to influence your writing whatsoever, but I’d love to read anything you write about hostile architecture.
So well written Alex, so many good examples of how we go through life asleep without even realising and how many simple ways we can enjoy more of life. Remembering to savour the SECOND AND THIRD sips and not just the first was a great one for me 🥰
Loved this quote (among many others) : “slowing down” is less about changing our entire lifestyle and more about changing how we see.
YES YES YES. This has been a massive realisation for me also, that in some ways I don't need to do much differently - I simply need to actually pay attention to what I'm doing, rather than being on autopilot and not rushing to the next thing 🙏
As always, thanks for wonderful writing x
Oh, thank you! I think that what you quote was a BIG realization for me. This whole idea that I don't actually need "change," I simply just need to be, and be there with myself, was quite a relief. Thank you for reading and also sharing. 🩵
This was cool Alex - same in my Starbucks on the other side of 'the pond' - thanks for the reminder to slow down. I'd like to share a link to this in my newsletter next week.
Thanks so much! I'm glad you liked it! It was honestly one of my favorite articles to write.
This resonates deeply, Alex. I, too, have felt caught in that zombie shuffle—a relentless drive to “do” while the world blurs around me. It took years for me to realize that slowing down isn’t about stopping life but about witnessing it.
For me, it often starts with something small: feeling the weight of my breath, noticing how sunlight hits the kitchen counter, or pausing mid-step to listen to the quiet hum of the world. These moments don’t demand much, yet they offer everything—reminders that I’m alive, that I’m here.
Your words capture the beauty of this awareness so well. Thank you for this gentle nudge to keep choosing presence over urgency.