The weight loss goals--yes! Again, resonant with my own journey. I want to say that it sucks that many people can't help but comment about a person's body shape and size. It's ingrained in the cultural messages about beauty, I believe. (I guess I feel strongly about that because of our experience raising Sarah with her craniofacial diagnosis.)
The thing is, once I lost a lot of weight and began to build muscle about four years ago, I grew frustrated that my body didn't look like I thought it should, or wanted it to. I've upheld a clean diet for many years due to my multiple autoimmune conditions: gluten/dairy/refined sugar free, limitations on alcohol and caffeine, lots of whole, fresh fruits and veggies and lean protein. And water. And herbal tea. BUT I still thought my legs looked "too thick." It's strange to have more of an athletic build in my forties than I ever did when I was younger (I had more of an hourglass shape before I had kids), but I'd say the last six months or so, since I've reached my set point, I have gradually come to accept that this is the way my body is. It wants to be this shape and size, and if I am healthy and (mostly) happy, then I need to stop forcing my body to do what it doesn't want to do.
I need to stop punishing myself.
As usual, your reflections got me thinking more. I love that!
Thank you for sharing 🩵 Your comment is very resonant. I hit my goal weight briefly a while back and, I was still unhappy. And I literally said that I was too "thick." I've come to embrace that more - even at a slightly heavier weight, my body is my body, and it doesn't deserve to be punished over it being a body.
Part of what I figured out (which took a different doctor and a personal trainer) was that my body is just heavier. BMI is a flawed metric and it doesn't represent "health" the way it is often glorified.
All this to say, everything that you shared is a journey that I have been on and probably continue to be on. I find acceptance, and yet the stories of the past still occasionally creep in.
YES! The BMI factor always upset me, because my PCP would tell me the number with a certain tone of concern or dissatisfaction in his voice. And I always felt ashamed of that. But it was my dear husband who told me not long ago to toss that number out of my psyche, because it doesn’t account for muscle mass, which obviously weighs more than fat but is included in your overall weight.
It’s just a number to me. I’d rather be healthy and confident in my own body than worry about its shape and size in comparison to other women my age.
Exactly! And that's what I ended up doing too. I did one of those stupid body scans and was pleasantly surprised (so I guess it wasn't that stupid) that I had a lot of muscle on me, which was causing issues with my BMI.
I think nowadays I'm rejecting that number. It isn't even a number to me now! HAHA!
I'm grateful for your reflections. Particularly on this one, it makes me feel less alone.
Yay! I have had a similar experience the last four years or so. I do get it. I think there’s much more to overcome on a psychological level, at least for me, when it comes to my perception of myself overall, but especially about my body. The body is, I guess, an aspect of me that I’ve neglected or abused for a very long time—until after Auggie’s birth, that is. The reason is that others abused my body, too, at age three and again when I was in high school and again as a young adult. So, reconciling with my body is a daily encounter. Maybe that’s true for more people than we know.
“reconciling with my body is a daily encounter. Maybe that’s true for more people than we know.”
I think this might be a critical point. I think so many people struggle with their body. We get so many unclear signals from, well, everywhere about what we should look like. We learn to forget how we feel, and adopt everyone else’s narratives as our own.
Second, I read about incorporating themes into your year instead of goals. If your theme is, for example, health, you can look at it as more than just weight loss and focusing on a number on the scale, and you have opportunities for more mental wins.
Sometimes I joke that "political psychologist" might just be a fancy term for a whole lotta nothin’. Haha! But in reality, political psychologists focus on using psychological theories to understand political phenomena—things like voting behavior, political leadership, and group dynamics in political contexts.
My work is a little different, though that’s technically what my PhD is in. My research initially explored the psychological processes behind identity and social movement participation—essentially, what drives people to join and stay involved in movements, and how those dynamics unfold. Over time, that curiosity expanded into understanding identity and connection not just within social movements, but also in corporate settings. Now, my work focuses on how these concepts influence individual outcomes, like fulfillment and purpose.
As for incorporating themes into your year, I love that idea! A theme like "health," for example, allows you to take a more holistic approach, thinking beyond just numbers on a scale to include mental, emotional, and even social well-being. It gives you more opportunities to celebrate wins and stay motivated. It’s a mindset shift that can make such a difference!
Thanks for the thorough answer, Alex. When I was in college undergrad and grad, I'd never heard of the term political psychologist. But I have to tell you that one of the most poignant memories I have relates to something one of my profs said during a lecture in our Career Counseling course--he told us some staggering statistic whose number I can't recall as I type this about how most of the careers twenty years from that time didn't even exist yet. WOW. I wonder if political psychologist is a more recent specialization? Maybe not, and I just hadn't heard of it as an option in the early 2000s.
That's very possible! It is a subfield within Political Science, not psychology, which is potentially why most people haven't heard of it. That wasn't a popular major until about 2016 :)
I love these questions! I'm not a fan of resolutions either but this framework makes so much sense. I'm an avid hiker also and in a constant struggle to lose weight. I'm definitely switching my thoughts to the enjoying hiking ideas. And being/feeling healthier vs numbers on a scale. I'm a little lost on the fourth question, could you elaborate a bit more on that?
I’m so glad these ideas resonate with you! And I totally get where you’re coming from—switching the focus from numbers on a scale to something like enjoying hiking is such a freeing mindset shift.
As for the fourth question, it’s really about exploring how much of your goal connects to the part of you that feels like it’s “under construction”—the part you might feel is never quite “done.” Growth is amazing, but it can also become a way to avoid fully accepting yourself as you are.
For example, I’ve often thought, “If I could just lose 25 pounds, I’d feel better, healthier, happier.” But when I really reflect on it, I can’t guarantee that hitting that number would actually make me feel “enough.” In the past, focusing on the scale hasn’t delivered on its promise of happiness or health for me. Instead, it’s felt like I’m chasing something I can’t quite catch, which leaves me feeling unfinished.
But shifting my focus to something like completing 25 hikes changes the narrative. Hiking is something I genuinely love—it makes me feel strong, connected, and alive. Plus, it naturally supports my well-being without making me feel like I’m stuck in a cycle of endless self-improvement.
For me, this shift is about chasing joy rather than perfection. It’s about realizing that I don’t have to stay in a perpetual “construction zone” to be worthy or whole. Does this answer your question?
I like the questions. Goal setting has always been problematic for me, for all the reasons you cited for long-term goal setting. Also because I have more than one goal I'm striving for at one time, and they shift and change in order of priority. Although there is always one at the top, it's not always the same one. It's a conundrum. Thank you for this food for thought.
I love how you articulated that! It’s such a relatable conundrum—having multiple goals that shift and change in priority over time. That ebb and flow can make traditional goal-setting feel rigid or even a little frustrating.
One thing I’ve found helpful is to think of goals less as fixed destinations and more as flexible guideposts. That way, when life shifts and priorities change, it doesn’t feel like a failure or a setback—it’s just part of the process.
Themes, like the ones we’ve been discussing, can be great for this. They act as a broader framework that supports all your shifting goals. For example, if your theme for the year is “balance,” you can use it as a lens for deciding which goal to prioritize at any given time without losing sight of the bigger picture.
It sounds like you already have a great instinct for tuning into what matters most in the moment. Maybe viewing your goals as interconnected and fluid, rather than linear and fixed, could make things feel a little less like a “conundrum” and more like an evolving adventure?
I like that~ I practice letting it flow and switching the priorities, even when the drive and ambition in me says “get this done” - I know I can only give true focus and priority to the moment. Thanks!
What a great way to shift how we think about assessing and setting goals. I have never been a fan of New Year's resolutions because - I agree - they are like setting yourself up for failure. The trouble - as you point out - is that we're usually trying to force ourselves to do something we either don't want to do or are doing without understanding WHY we are doing it. It's like Simon Sinek says in his TED Talk about "starting with why." Getting to the root motivator is so powerful. Thank you for the reminder and the super helpful question framework. I'll definitely be using this.
Simon Sinek’s idea of “starting with why” is spot-on here. When we get clear on the deeper motivators behind our goals—what truly lights us up or gives us purpose—it’s a total game-changer. Suddenly, we’re not just chasing outcomes; we’re aligning with what feels meaningful and true to who we are.
I’m so glad you found the questions helpful and are planning to use them! Here’s to a year of intentional, meaningful growth—on your terms.
I've moved from goals to set intentions and focusing on how I want to feel. This year I decided I wanted to have fun, feel great in my body, stretch myself and do uncomfortable things!
Then every single day I listen to my soul to do what feels right! One step at a time...whatever that is! I went for a 40 min walk today after 6 months just because! And it felt awesome!
I'm adding this list to my diary though! Thank you!
Thank you so much—I’m thrilled the questions resonate with you!
And can I just say, I love your approach to the year! Fun, feeling great, stretching yourself, and leaning into discomfort—that’s such a beautiful, intentional way to live. Plus, listening to your soul every day? That’s pure magic. It sounds like you’re creating a life that feels truly aligned with who you are, one step at a time.
That 40-minute walk after six months? What a perfect example of honoring what feels right in the moment. No pressure, no expectations—just doing it because it called to you. And look at that—you ended up feeling awesome. It’s such a powerful reminder that sometimes the best shifts happen when we let them instead of forcing them.
I’m so glad you’re adding the questions to your diary—I hope they continue to inspire you on this amazing, intentional journey you’re on. Here’s to more moments that feel as awesome as that walk did!
I set a goal on Goodreads in 2024 to read 50 books. I read 49.
I was one book short of my goal!
One book!
And I don’t care. I’m just proud of myself for opening an audible account and getting back into fiction and discovering a dozen authors I love and exploring a landscape of stories I didn’t know were out there. It’s bettered my writing. It’s been fulfilling and playful and joyful and giggle worthy.
I also got involved with two book clubs. It’s been decades since I talked about the books I read with others. Ever since my school teaching days.
I’m not setting a goal this year. I just want to enjoy the journey of one book leading to another.
The part about discovering authors you love, reconnecting with fiction, and finding joy and playfulness in stories again—that is the heart of it. Plus, joining two book clubs? What a beautiful way to deepen your connection to the books you read and the people around you. It sounds like such a rich, fulfilling experience, and I love how you’ve reframed it to focus on the journey rather than the destination. 🩵
Alex,
The weight loss goals--yes! Again, resonant with my own journey. I want to say that it sucks that many people can't help but comment about a person's body shape and size. It's ingrained in the cultural messages about beauty, I believe. (I guess I feel strongly about that because of our experience raising Sarah with her craniofacial diagnosis.)
The thing is, once I lost a lot of weight and began to build muscle about four years ago, I grew frustrated that my body didn't look like I thought it should, or wanted it to. I've upheld a clean diet for many years due to my multiple autoimmune conditions: gluten/dairy/refined sugar free, limitations on alcohol and caffeine, lots of whole, fresh fruits and veggies and lean protein. And water. And herbal tea. BUT I still thought my legs looked "too thick." It's strange to have more of an athletic build in my forties than I ever did when I was younger (I had more of an hourglass shape before I had kids), but I'd say the last six months or so, since I've reached my set point, I have gradually come to accept that this is the way my body is. It wants to be this shape and size, and if I am healthy and (mostly) happy, then I need to stop forcing my body to do what it doesn't want to do.
I need to stop punishing myself.
As usual, your reflections got me thinking more. I love that!
Thank you for sharing 🩵 Your comment is very resonant. I hit my goal weight briefly a while back and, I was still unhappy. And I literally said that I was too "thick." I've come to embrace that more - even at a slightly heavier weight, my body is my body, and it doesn't deserve to be punished over it being a body.
Part of what I figured out (which took a different doctor and a personal trainer) was that my body is just heavier. BMI is a flawed metric and it doesn't represent "health" the way it is often glorified.
All this to say, everything that you shared is a journey that I have been on and probably continue to be on. I find acceptance, and yet the stories of the past still occasionally creep in.
YES! The BMI factor always upset me, because my PCP would tell me the number with a certain tone of concern or dissatisfaction in his voice. And I always felt ashamed of that. But it was my dear husband who told me not long ago to toss that number out of my psyche, because it doesn’t account for muscle mass, which obviously weighs more than fat but is included in your overall weight.
It’s just a number to me. I’d rather be healthy and confident in my own body than worry about its shape and size in comparison to other women my age.
Exactly! And that's what I ended up doing too. I did one of those stupid body scans and was pleasantly surprised (so I guess it wasn't that stupid) that I had a lot of muscle on me, which was causing issues with my BMI.
I think nowadays I'm rejecting that number. It isn't even a number to me now! HAHA!
I'm grateful for your reflections. Particularly on this one, it makes me feel less alone.
Yay! I have had a similar experience the last four years or so. I do get it. I think there’s much more to overcome on a psychological level, at least for me, when it comes to my perception of myself overall, but especially about my body. The body is, I guess, an aspect of me that I’ve neglected or abused for a very long time—until after Auggie’s birth, that is. The reason is that others abused my body, too, at age three and again when I was in high school and again as a young adult. So, reconciling with my body is a daily encounter. Maybe that’s true for more people than we know.
“reconciling with my body is a daily encounter. Maybe that’s true for more people than we know.”
I think this might be a critical point. I think so many people struggle with their body. We get so many unclear signals from, well, everywhere about what we should look like. We learn to forget how we feel, and adopt everyone else’s narratives as our own.
Yes! It’s all under the umbrella of the Western world’s concept of “Beauty Culture.” I think about it a lot because of Sarah.
First, what is a political psychologist?
Second, I read about incorporating themes into your year instead of goals. If your theme is, for example, health, you can look at it as more than just weight loss and focusing on a number on the scale, and you have opportunities for more mental wins.
Thanks for asking!
Sometimes I joke that "political psychologist" might just be a fancy term for a whole lotta nothin’. Haha! But in reality, political psychologists focus on using psychological theories to understand political phenomena—things like voting behavior, political leadership, and group dynamics in political contexts.
My work is a little different, though that’s technically what my PhD is in. My research initially explored the psychological processes behind identity and social movement participation—essentially, what drives people to join and stay involved in movements, and how those dynamics unfold. Over time, that curiosity expanded into understanding identity and connection not just within social movements, but also in corporate settings. Now, my work focuses on how these concepts influence individual outcomes, like fulfillment and purpose.
As for incorporating themes into your year, I love that idea! A theme like "health," for example, allows you to take a more holistic approach, thinking beyond just numbers on a scale to include mental, emotional, and even social well-being. It gives you more opportunities to celebrate wins and stay motivated. It’s a mindset shift that can make such a difference!
Thanks for the thorough answer, Alex. When I was in college undergrad and grad, I'd never heard of the term political psychologist. But I have to tell you that one of the most poignant memories I have relates to something one of my profs said during a lecture in our Career Counseling course--he told us some staggering statistic whose number I can't recall as I type this about how most of the careers twenty years from that time didn't even exist yet. WOW. I wonder if political psychologist is a more recent specialization? Maybe not, and I just hadn't heard of it as an option in the early 2000s.
That's very possible! It is a subfield within Political Science, not psychology, which is potentially why most people haven't heard of it. That wasn't a popular major until about 2016 :)
Ohhhh! That makes total sense now!
Your studies about voting behavior, political leadership, and group dynamics sound fascinating. If you ever write about that, I will read it.
I have had the same question, Ilona! Alex, I'm sure you'll provide us with a fantastic answer to that.
Answered!
So true - there are a few things that I keep working on because 'I've spent so much time on this. It'd be a loss to give up.'
I love these questions! I'm not a fan of resolutions either but this framework makes so much sense. I'm an avid hiker also and in a constant struggle to lose weight. I'm definitely switching my thoughts to the enjoying hiking ideas. And being/feeling healthier vs numbers on a scale. I'm a little lost on the fourth question, could you elaborate a bit more on that?
I’m so glad these ideas resonate with you! And I totally get where you’re coming from—switching the focus from numbers on a scale to something like enjoying hiking is such a freeing mindset shift.
As for the fourth question, it’s really about exploring how much of your goal connects to the part of you that feels like it’s “under construction”—the part you might feel is never quite “done.” Growth is amazing, but it can also become a way to avoid fully accepting yourself as you are.
For example, I’ve often thought, “If I could just lose 25 pounds, I’d feel better, healthier, happier.” But when I really reflect on it, I can’t guarantee that hitting that number would actually make me feel “enough.” In the past, focusing on the scale hasn’t delivered on its promise of happiness or health for me. Instead, it’s felt like I’m chasing something I can’t quite catch, which leaves me feeling unfinished.
But shifting my focus to something like completing 25 hikes changes the narrative. Hiking is something I genuinely love—it makes me feel strong, connected, and alive. Plus, it naturally supports my well-being without making me feel like I’m stuck in a cycle of endless self-improvement.
For me, this shift is about chasing joy rather than perfection. It’s about realizing that I don’t have to stay in a perpetual “construction zone” to be worthy or whole. Does this answer your question?
Thanks for clarifying! Yes, that "never enough" trap is a motivation killer. Enjoying hiking for hiking's sake is a much better plan! 😉
I like the questions. Goal setting has always been problematic for me, for all the reasons you cited for long-term goal setting. Also because I have more than one goal I'm striving for at one time, and they shift and change in order of priority. Although there is always one at the top, it's not always the same one. It's a conundrum. Thank you for this food for thought.
I love how you articulated that! It’s such a relatable conundrum—having multiple goals that shift and change in priority over time. That ebb and flow can make traditional goal-setting feel rigid or even a little frustrating.
One thing I’ve found helpful is to think of goals less as fixed destinations and more as flexible guideposts. That way, when life shifts and priorities change, it doesn’t feel like a failure or a setback—it’s just part of the process.
Themes, like the ones we’ve been discussing, can be great for this. They act as a broader framework that supports all your shifting goals. For example, if your theme for the year is “balance,” you can use it as a lens for deciding which goal to prioritize at any given time without losing sight of the bigger picture.
It sounds like you already have a great instinct for tuning into what matters most in the moment. Maybe viewing your goals as interconnected and fluid, rather than linear and fixed, could make things feel a little less like a “conundrum” and more like an evolving adventure?
I like that~ I practice letting it flow and switching the priorities, even when the drive and ambition in me says “get this done” - I know I can only give true focus and priority to the moment. Thanks!
What a great way to shift how we think about assessing and setting goals. I have never been a fan of New Year's resolutions because - I agree - they are like setting yourself up for failure. The trouble - as you point out - is that we're usually trying to force ourselves to do something we either don't want to do or are doing without understanding WHY we are doing it. It's like Simon Sinek says in his TED Talk about "starting with why." Getting to the root motivator is so powerful. Thank you for the reminder and the super helpful question framework. I'll definitely be using this.
Simon Sinek’s idea of “starting with why” is spot-on here. When we get clear on the deeper motivators behind our goals—what truly lights us up or gives us purpose—it’s a total game-changer. Suddenly, we’re not just chasing outcomes; we’re aligning with what feels meaningful and true to who we are.
I’m so glad you found the questions helpful and are planning to use them! Here’s to a year of intentional, meaningful growth—on your terms.
PS - Love the new look and logo!
Oh thank you! I am really digging it. It feels more like me!
Oh i love all the questions! They're so good!
I've moved from goals to set intentions and focusing on how I want to feel. This year I decided I wanted to have fun, feel great in my body, stretch myself and do uncomfortable things!
Then every single day I listen to my soul to do what feels right! One step at a time...whatever that is! I went for a 40 min walk today after 6 months just because! And it felt awesome!
I'm adding this list to my diary though! Thank you!
Thank you so much—I’m thrilled the questions resonate with you!
And can I just say, I love your approach to the year! Fun, feeling great, stretching yourself, and leaning into discomfort—that’s such a beautiful, intentional way to live. Plus, listening to your soul every day? That’s pure magic. It sounds like you’re creating a life that feels truly aligned with who you are, one step at a time.
That 40-minute walk after six months? What a perfect example of honoring what feels right in the moment. No pressure, no expectations—just doing it because it called to you. And look at that—you ended up feeling awesome. It’s such a powerful reminder that sometimes the best shifts happen when we let them instead of forcing them.
I’m so glad you’re adding the questions to your diary—I hope they continue to inspire you on this amazing, intentional journey you’re on. Here’s to more moments that feel as awesome as that walk did!
Thank you so so much! I'm adding this to the "reminder notes" folder! For inspiration when I feel low!
I've been really really enjoying your writing too! Keep doing the beautiful work you are!
I set a goal on Goodreads in 2024 to read 50 books. I read 49.
I was one book short of my goal!
One book!
And I don’t care. I’m just proud of myself for opening an audible account and getting back into fiction and discovering a dozen authors I love and exploring a landscape of stories I didn’t know were out there. It’s bettered my writing. It’s been fulfilling and playful and joyful and giggle worthy.
I also got involved with two book clubs. It’s been decades since I talked about the books I read with others. Ever since my school teaching days.
I’m not setting a goal this year. I just want to enjoy the journey of one book leading to another.
I love this!
The part about discovering authors you love, reconnecting with fiction, and finding joy and playfulness in stories again—that is the heart of it. Plus, joining two book clubs? What a beautiful way to deepen your connection to the books you read and the people around you. It sounds like such a rich, fulfilling experience, and I love how you’ve reframed it to focus on the journey rather than the destination. 🩵