I was drawn into the idea of being fully present as I was reading this. Experiencing that sensation of realization that you are truly “in the moment” is a profound discovery. I suppose the years I have existed provided me with a few moments (inwardly I wish there were more) where I found myself present. You have captured through your phrasing a way for me to remember some of those eye opening moments where my own personality sort of readjusted itself and I’m grateful for the trigger you gave me in my own memory. I am so happy your meditation sessions will be available again. You always manage to transform me in a uniquely spiritual way that calms my body and soul. Thanks for the heads up! Once again Alex this is a beautiful, personal essay you have shared and a pleasure to read for its positive message in a down to earth way. You are a terrific writer.
I’m so glad this writing could reconnect you with some of those memories! That has been something that my writing has been doing for me recently! Which has been fun :) So I’m right there with you! 🩵 I bet there are even more moments where you have been present, that as you think about them, you might begin to reveal them.
Thank you for your feedback on the Yoga Nidra’s. I’m so glad that are valuable to you, and I’m excited to continue them. 🩵
As I read your piece today, I wondered if maybe the ADHD brain gets in the way of being fully present? I notice this with my kiddos--their minds are almost always elsewhere, and it's clear they are not doing it to be disrespectful or thoughtless. They just really wanted to see what the dog was barking at. Or why the doorbell just rang. Or what they smelled in the kitchen that's cooking for dinner. Or what brother/sister got at school in the prize box. Or to show me a picture they made. Or to open a card they got in the mail for their birthday....
IT NEVER ENDS in a family of seven people! Ahhhhhhhh!!
Anyway, I think that can possibly be an obstacle for those who chase the monkey mind. Being present is difficult for me because I am anxious. I am always looking ahead to the future, trying to plan and prepare. It's a defense mechanism for me to sort of "know" what to expect, but of course it fails me more often than I admit. Staying presence is certainly a discipline, I've found, a practice that takes time to cultivate. But it sure does help me ground my nervous system and my brain, too, in reality.
Just wanted to hop in here and say that. I love what you shared, but I always learn a lot from you, Alex. Keep it coming!
P.S. I wrote a Note here today about being present with another person and REALLY noticing them. I shouldn't be surprised when this happens, but it ALWAYS seems to happen when I'm out doing normal, everyday things. Today it was taking Sarah to the orthodontist.
I must find that note, like it, and share it! I’ve been a little out of the loop on Substack the past week - trying to find my groove again. AHHH!
Thank you for sharing. I appreciate this note because you are right - my ADHD brain is definitely a culprit. Because of the dopamine hit that basically anything else will give me, distraction and non-presence is almost a reward.
And since I also have a healthy dose of anxiety, I can relate to what you share too.
I do find that the practice of simply noticing my lack of presence and bringing myself back to presence empathetically has been probably the number one most helpful thing I’ve personally done over my journey. More helpful than meditations, yoga, etc, is just the simple - hey, I am noticing that my mind has gone to apocalypses and prepping again, that’s okay, but I need to focus back in on this person. It’s been a subtle practice that has been really helpful for me!
Yes! I try the same kind of practice, Alex. It sure is hard to rewire those neural pathways, isn’t it? But at the same time, so worth it to try. My brain has felt like spaghetti lately, with everything it’s trying to store and sift through and remember—both domestically for my family and also with my creative work.
Excited to be in your mentoring group for The Creator Retreat, too!
Ugh, I feel this. I speak about presence, I believe in it, and yet I catch myself slipping—half here, half elsewhere, half listening, half living—all the time. The mind wanders, the moment fades, and I don’t even realize I’ve left until I’m already gone. I love how you describe it, how the world sharpens when we actually look, when we actually hear. Maybe that is the real risk of presence. Not just noticing more, but feeling more. No escape hatch. No autopilot. Just here. Now.
This is a brilliantly clear and deeply practical articulation. So, so well done!
It is so easy to slip out of presence. And - it’s okay. Our minds will wander many times today. That’s normal. :)
My mind literally wandered and I’m just coming back to this comment. AH!
I find it really interesting when you share: “Maybe that is the real risk of presence. Not just noticing more, but feeling more. No escape hatch. No autopilot. Just here. Now.” The word “risk” is really interesting. There is a risk that we feel more. And do we hesitate to be present because of that? Interesting food for thought. Thank you! And thank you for reading and being here 🩵
This resonated deeply with me Alex. I'm way too often "here, but not here". One thing that helps me is hiding my phone from plain sight as much as possible. Even just seeing it laying nearby takes me mentality into a million different directions. Grateful for your wisdom and presence! 🩵
YES! I have taken to hiding my phone too. It really does help me. I’ve also been playing with a new setting on it that helps me “minimize distractions” which has been really helpful - it actually has helped me get used to less notifications which has been healthy. I keep it on non-stop now 😂
This is so important for people to become aware of. Also, your therapist sounds like a good one 😂 and anyone who feels like it’s hard to be present, please learn about somatic healing ❤️
Our phones have become a gateway to not paying attention to what's happening here and now. I remember when my parents were still living, one of them would repeat their toxic opinions or complain non-stop. I wanted to escape the negativity and would look at my phone so I didn't have to listen. What advice do you have in those circumstances?
I love it, Alex! Because of my ADD and amazing talent of being able to visit other planets while listening to my wife, who I adore, she has learned to pause, look me in the eye, and say, "Are you listening? This is important." Internally, I shake my head like a dog, then focus.
Actually, in general, I'm a pretty good listener when I'm one-on-one with someone. As I think about it, I guess I try to listen with my heart along with the words. However... the past two or three years, I've backslid. My monkey mind has taken over and is driving the bus. My mind is like a busload of monkeys jumping, swinging and dancing. It's a monkey circus. And I can't tell which one is in charge.
Thanks, Eddie! I appreciate you reading and also sharing your experience. I love that your wife has learned that skill. Having ADHD, it’s so important to have people around me that truly understand that 1) I’m not purposely squirreling off and, 2) when you are clear with me that something matters, it will matter to me too.
My journey with presence, mindfulness, etc has gone back and forth between a circus act and monk-like proficiency. The brain grows, reforms, and adjusts to our lives. Perhaps you needed a circus in there for this part of your journey? 🩵
funny thing is, while reading this piece, I found myself veering off course several times. It's like my computer screen makes me ADD. I got distracted by notifications of an email coming in, a text message, a new Substack post...so many things that took me away from being present with the article about staying present.
and yes, my brain was planning the best sourdough to have in the freezer for the zombie apocalypse!!!
Now, I think I understand way my parents print out the articles that are important to them to read them with the tv turned off and their cell phones tucked away on their charging docks.
Damn...how much I let myself be unpresent, even as a practitioner of mindfulness and yoga nidra!
Technology definitely makes being present REALLY difficult. Trust me. I can relate. Especially about the best sourdough in the zombie apocalypse. Honestly, I’ve done too much prepping for the zombie apocalypse in my out-of-present moments.
You shared so many insights that it’s hard to choose which one to comment on, Alex.
One of the many that stood out: “The world doesn't change. But your experience of it transforms completely.” If non-practitioners knew just how powerful the statement is, they’d start practicing awareness today.
As you wrote, it’s like living in black-and-white and all of a sudden being able to experience life in 4K color, similar to being in love for the first time as depicted visually in many movies. One thinks, “This is insane. How could I be any more ecstatically joyful than this moment?” And yet the content of the experience is identical, only the perception is radically different.
Really enjoyed this post, my friend. Thank you for writing and sharing it.
Thank you, my friend. I really appreciate you reading and writing this comment. It means a lot to me.
I’m glad that line stood out to you. It’s one of those lines that continues to stand out to me as a core part of my personal journey with mindfulness, meditation, etc. It’s not just the lesson I have learned, but I think it is a reminder of the lesson to continue to learn, over and over again.
"The world wakes up when you do." I love that. My wife has been known to say to the kids, “I know your dad looks like he’s here, but he’s not.” Oof. This post hit close to home. Thanks, Alex!
My daughter is starting to write, and now she understands. There are some very interesting things happening here in this head that understandably distract me from what’s going on out there! 😂
I love this post! You make so many good points about being present, and this one really stood out to me: "Each moment you check out, each conversation you half-listen to, each experience you mentally skip through—they don't just disappear. They pile up into a mountain of missed life."
Missed life. So true.
It seems like life is a meditation of a sort: our minds wander, and we continually work on being present of mind.
I try really hard to live in the present, but the past with its regrets and the future uncertainties often distract me from just being in the present. For me, the antidote for this is creating art -- whether it's sketching or oil painting or anything else. When I'm creating art, all that exists is the artwork itself. That's it -- it's really the time of ultimate peace for me because my focus is the present task at hand, and I experience flow.
Maybe that's why my time in front of the easel is so sacred.
Thank you for such an excellent, thought-provoking post.
Thank you for being here and reading, Beth. And thank you, most, for sharing!
Our brains do just occasionally check out. I think that is normal and natural. I love that you link your presence and sacred time to the easel. We find those activities that draw us into the moment. They become our place to be. How lucky we are to have them and experience them!
Meditation, mindfulness, all of that is simply an art of beginning again. Becoming empathetic to the practice that we will wander. And rather than punishing ourselves for it, we can simply notice and bring ourselves back.
This is an important piece of writing. I never checked my phone! Not once! I learned that to give someone your full attention and the respect they deserve is a great gift that is not given nearly often enough. I was taught this while working with a non-profit. The HR manager was a lovely women. If you so much as caught her attention she would put everything down, sit beside you and 100% completely attend to you. It was impressive. I've tried to emulate her ever since. I have a tendency to get excited and over talk. So I practice being present, quiet and attentive now. It's a wonderful way to connect. Thank you. Love, Virg
Being present is a wonderful way to connect, because it is so rare! What you describe here is a lesson that I wish so many would learn, and what I was hoping to share with this piece. Thank you for adding to it with this wonderful personal story - your HR manager at the non-profit seems like a lovely woman and example 🩵
Whew, Alex, I feel SEEN! Apparently presence can happen asynchronously, too. :) From the therapist sigh (so guilty of using sighs in all areas of communication) to being "Doctor Who, but with anxiety instead of a TARDIS," you saw into my soul. Thank you!
This is such a dense, rich piece that I'm going to revisit it a number of times. What I really appreciated on this read was the idea of forgiving oneself for the ways that we lose presence. It's easy to get so judgmental when I've discovered my mind wandered. Being more self-compassionate instead would make it easier for me to be present again. I know that self-flagellation isn't going to create any change, so forgiveness is definitely the better option.
I'm so grateful for your willingness to share your wisdom and experience, friend! 💚
I was drawn into the idea of being fully present as I was reading this. Experiencing that sensation of realization that you are truly “in the moment” is a profound discovery. I suppose the years I have existed provided me with a few moments (inwardly I wish there were more) where I found myself present. You have captured through your phrasing a way for me to remember some of those eye opening moments where my own personality sort of readjusted itself and I’m grateful for the trigger you gave me in my own memory. I am so happy your meditation sessions will be available again. You always manage to transform me in a uniquely spiritual way that calms my body and soul. Thanks for the heads up! Once again Alex this is a beautiful, personal essay you have shared and a pleasure to read for its positive message in a down to earth way. You are a terrific writer.
I’m so glad this writing could reconnect you with some of those memories! That has been something that my writing has been doing for me recently! Which has been fun :) So I’m right there with you! 🩵 I bet there are even more moments where you have been present, that as you think about them, you might begin to reveal them.
Thank you for your feedback on the Yoga Nidra’s. I’m so glad that are valuable to you, and I’m excited to continue them. 🩵
Hey Alex,
As I read your piece today, I wondered if maybe the ADHD brain gets in the way of being fully present? I notice this with my kiddos--their minds are almost always elsewhere, and it's clear they are not doing it to be disrespectful or thoughtless. They just really wanted to see what the dog was barking at. Or why the doorbell just rang. Or what they smelled in the kitchen that's cooking for dinner. Or what brother/sister got at school in the prize box. Or to show me a picture they made. Or to open a card they got in the mail for their birthday....
IT NEVER ENDS in a family of seven people! Ahhhhhhhh!!
Anyway, I think that can possibly be an obstacle for those who chase the monkey mind. Being present is difficult for me because I am anxious. I am always looking ahead to the future, trying to plan and prepare. It's a defense mechanism for me to sort of "know" what to expect, but of course it fails me more often than I admit. Staying presence is certainly a discipline, I've found, a practice that takes time to cultivate. But it sure does help me ground my nervous system and my brain, too, in reality.
Just wanted to hop in here and say that. I love what you shared, but I always learn a lot from you, Alex. Keep it coming!
P.S. I wrote a Note here today about being present with another person and REALLY noticing them. I shouldn't be surprised when this happens, but it ALWAYS seems to happen when I'm out doing normal, everyday things. Today it was taking Sarah to the orthodontist.
I must find that note, like it, and share it! I’ve been a little out of the loop on Substack the past week - trying to find my groove again. AHHH!
Thank you for sharing. I appreciate this note because you are right - my ADHD brain is definitely a culprit. Because of the dopamine hit that basically anything else will give me, distraction and non-presence is almost a reward.
And since I also have a healthy dose of anxiety, I can relate to what you share too.
I do find that the practice of simply noticing my lack of presence and bringing myself back to presence empathetically has been probably the number one most helpful thing I’ve personally done over my journey. More helpful than meditations, yoga, etc, is just the simple - hey, I am noticing that my mind has gone to apocalypses and prepping again, that’s okay, but I need to focus back in on this person. It’s been a subtle practice that has been really helpful for me!
Yes! I try the same kind of practice, Alex. It sure is hard to rewire those neural pathways, isn’t it? But at the same time, so worth it to try. My brain has felt like spaghetti lately, with everything it’s trying to store and sift through and remember—both domestically for my family and also with my creative work.
Excited to be in your mentoring group for The Creator Retreat, too!
Ugh, I feel this. I speak about presence, I believe in it, and yet I catch myself slipping—half here, half elsewhere, half listening, half living—all the time. The mind wanders, the moment fades, and I don’t even realize I’ve left until I’m already gone. I love how you describe it, how the world sharpens when we actually look, when we actually hear. Maybe that is the real risk of presence. Not just noticing more, but feeling more. No escape hatch. No autopilot. Just here. Now.
This is a brilliantly clear and deeply practical articulation. So, so well done!
It is so easy to slip out of presence. And - it’s okay. Our minds will wander many times today. That’s normal. :)
My mind literally wandered and I’m just coming back to this comment. AH!
I find it really interesting when you share: “Maybe that is the real risk of presence. Not just noticing more, but feeling more. No escape hatch. No autopilot. Just here. Now.” The word “risk” is really interesting. There is a risk that we feel more. And do we hesitate to be present because of that? Interesting food for thought. Thank you! And thank you for reading and being here 🩵
This resonated deeply with me Alex. I'm way too often "here, but not here". One thing that helps me is hiding my phone from plain sight as much as possible. Even just seeing it laying nearby takes me mentality into a million different directions. Grateful for your wisdom and presence! 🩵
YES! I have taken to hiding my phone too. It really does help me. I’ve also been playing with a new setting on it that helps me “minimize distractions” which has been really helpful - it actually has helped me get used to less notifications which has been healthy. I keep it on non-stop now 😂
This is so important for people to become aware of. Also, your therapist sounds like a good one 😂 and anyone who feels like it’s hard to be present, please learn about somatic healing ❤️
He was good! My current one is even better. 😂
Our phones have become a gateway to not paying attention to what's happening here and now. I remember when my parents were still living, one of them would repeat their toxic opinions or complain non-stop. I wanted to escape the negativity and would look at my phone so I didn't have to listen. What advice do you have in those circumstances?
I love it, Alex! Because of my ADD and amazing talent of being able to visit other planets while listening to my wife, who I adore, she has learned to pause, look me in the eye, and say, "Are you listening? This is important." Internally, I shake my head like a dog, then focus.
Actually, in general, I'm a pretty good listener when I'm one-on-one with someone. As I think about it, I guess I try to listen with my heart along with the words. However... the past two or three years, I've backslid. My monkey mind has taken over and is driving the bus. My mind is like a busload of monkeys jumping, swinging and dancing. It's a monkey circus. And I can't tell which one is in charge.
Good stuff. Thanks for writing it.
Thanks, Eddie! I appreciate you reading and also sharing your experience. I love that your wife has learned that skill. Having ADHD, it’s so important to have people around me that truly understand that 1) I’m not purposely squirreling off and, 2) when you are clear with me that something matters, it will matter to me too.
My journey with presence, mindfulness, etc has gone back and forth between a circus act and monk-like proficiency. The brain grows, reforms, and adjusts to our lives. Perhaps you needed a circus in there for this part of your journey? 🩵
Love this beautiful exploration of what presence means.
Thank you Alexander.
Thank you, Teyani! I appreciate that! March I will be exploring lots about presence. I’m excited.
funny thing is, while reading this piece, I found myself veering off course several times. It's like my computer screen makes me ADD. I got distracted by notifications of an email coming in, a text message, a new Substack post...so many things that took me away from being present with the article about staying present.
and yes, my brain was planning the best sourdough to have in the freezer for the zombie apocalypse!!!
Now, I think I understand way my parents print out the articles that are important to them to read them with the tv turned off and their cell phones tucked away on their charging docks.
Damn...how much I let myself be unpresent, even as a practitioner of mindfulness and yoga nidra!
Technology definitely makes being present REALLY difficult. Trust me. I can relate. Especially about the best sourdough in the zombie apocalypse. Honestly, I’ve done too much prepping for the zombie apocalypse in my out-of-present moments.
You and Hobbit will get along just great. He’d invite you to go to mars with him after you survive the zombie apocalypse together.
LET’S GOOOOOOOOOO!
You shared so many insights that it’s hard to choose which one to comment on, Alex.
One of the many that stood out: “The world doesn't change. But your experience of it transforms completely.” If non-practitioners knew just how powerful the statement is, they’d start practicing awareness today.
As you wrote, it’s like living in black-and-white and all of a sudden being able to experience life in 4K color, similar to being in love for the first time as depicted visually in many movies. One thinks, “This is insane. How could I be any more ecstatically joyful than this moment?” And yet the content of the experience is identical, only the perception is radically different.
Really enjoyed this post, my friend. Thank you for writing and sharing it.
Thank you, my friend. I really appreciate you reading and writing this comment. It means a lot to me.
I’m glad that line stood out to you. It’s one of those lines that continues to stand out to me as a core part of my personal journey with mindfulness, meditation, etc. It’s not just the lesson I have learned, but I think it is a reminder of the lesson to continue to learn, over and over again.
"The world wakes up when you do." I love that. My wife has been known to say to the kids, “I know your dad looks like he’s here, but he’s not.” Oof. This post hit close to home. Thanks, Alex!
Thank you for reading 🩵
I’ve also been known to be here but not here… Balance is hard. Presence is hard. Honestly life is very simple, but not easy. Haha.
My daughter is starting to write, and now she understands. There are some very interesting things happening here in this head that understandably distract me from what’s going on out there! 😂
Hi Alex,
I love this post! You make so many good points about being present, and this one really stood out to me: "Each moment you check out, each conversation you half-listen to, each experience you mentally skip through—they don't just disappear. They pile up into a mountain of missed life."
Missed life. So true.
It seems like life is a meditation of a sort: our minds wander, and we continually work on being present of mind.
I try really hard to live in the present, but the past with its regrets and the future uncertainties often distract me from just being in the present. For me, the antidote for this is creating art -- whether it's sketching or oil painting or anything else. When I'm creating art, all that exists is the artwork itself. That's it -- it's really the time of ultimate peace for me because my focus is the present task at hand, and I experience flow.
Maybe that's why my time in front of the easel is so sacred.
Thank you for such an excellent, thought-provoking post.
Thank you for being here and reading, Beth. And thank you, most, for sharing!
Our brains do just occasionally check out. I think that is normal and natural. I love that you link your presence and sacred time to the easel. We find those activities that draw us into the moment. They become our place to be. How lucky we are to have them and experience them!
Meditation, mindfulness, all of that is simply an art of beginning again. Becoming empathetic to the practice that we will wander. And rather than punishing ourselves for it, we can simply notice and bring ourselves back.
This is an important piece of writing. I never checked my phone! Not once! I learned that to give someone your full attention and the respect they deserve is a great gift that is not given nearly often enough. I was taught this while working with a non-profit. The HR manager was a lovely women. If you so much as caught her attention she would put everything down, sit beside you and 100% completely attend to you. It was impressive. I've tried to emulate her ever since. I have a tendency to get excited and over talk. So I practice being present, quiet and attentive now. It's a wonderful way to connect. Thank you. Love, Virg
Being present is a wonderful way to connect, because it is so rare! What you describe here is a lesson that I wish so many would learn, and what I was hoping to share with this piece. Thank you for adding to it with this wonderful personal story - your HR manager at the non-profit seems like a lovely woman and example 🩵
I want to do jumping jacks and scream at the top of my lungs to anyone and everyone who will listen to me...read Alex's stuff!!!
and do Alex's Yoga Nidras!!!
dawwww, you are too kind. Thank you. I hope everyone enjoys! 🩵
Whew, Alex, I feel SEEN! Apparently presence can happen asynchronously, too. :) From the therapist sigh (so guilty of using sighs in all areas of communication) to being "Doctor Who, but with anxiety instead of a TARDIS," you saw into my soul. Thank you!
This is such a dense, rich piece that I'm going to revisit it a number of times. What I really appreciated on this read was the idea of forgiving oneself for the ways that we lose presence. It's easy to get so judgmental when I've discovered my mind wandered. Being more self-compassionate instead would make it easier for me to be present again. I know that self-flagellation isn't going to create any change, so forgiveness is definitely the better option.
I'm so grateful for your willingness to share your wisdom and experience, friend! 💚