Now I want to go buy a fancy new knife set for myself. To move on from the messy past of my divorce. I got the knife set in the divorce. Since then it has become the messy middle. A missing steak knife, stolen by an ex-boyfriend. The bent tip of the filet knife. The dulled and can’t be sharpened edges of the butcher knife. Those memories all live IN me, and I no longer need the physical and tangible almost daily reminders of them. I’d much rather have a knife at that feels good in my hands again, with earthy wooden handles (so I don’t get lazy and put them in the dishwasher) and a weightyness to them that they feel like they will last a lifetime, and not just through the cycle of another relationship. I want to affirm my relationship with my partner and myself now.
This says it all "practicing aliveness until it became more than theory". Its ongoing, always. To me, if we stop practicing, the magic and beauty will falter. This has been a beautiful series, Alex, and given me much to think about regarding presence and aliveness in all areas of life. Thank you! ✨✨
Beautiful Alex. You gave us such a gift in this series. Chapters of your life’s journey with finesse, emotion and wisdom. Thank you for opening our eyes and minds in what you have shared. i was struck by “Alone in the wanting I couldn’t speak”. Those words hit home for me. I don’t want this series to end. To continue along your journey with you finding mystery and awareness throughout your revelations is similar to having a great novel I can’t put down. I want to know where you are and what you face and how far you will go. I am hoping as you continue your destiny…you will consider keeping us abreast of your life’s discoveries, whichever emotion appears from them, as you retain your “presence”.
I love this, Alexander. The juxtaposition is so real and intimate. How often do we get such a 'groundhog day' that helps us realize how far we've come and how far we've yet to go? It illustrates the moment (and its lingerings) so vividly. The human experience in all its wonderful learning. How much we can learn from each other's journey. Thank you for sharing yours in this way. It is healing for so many. 🙏🏻
Such a perfect tale of having the past you show up alongside the present you.
Especially on the heels of a retrograde (at least I think it was..). It’s been ten years of me reintegrating the part of me I separated out, the part I created to walk in place of me, the part of me that was so very empty. I still work on gathering those shards back within me.
You will get there, my friend. You will. We’ll just all keep cheering each other on.
I recently had the experience of returning to a place I once occupied and had been toying with the idea of writing about it. But now I know I won’t—because you just did it, and (of course) knocked it out of the park. 🤣
But seriously, the way you're able to articulate the ache and emptiness of being in a relationship with someone yet still being alone is stunningly poignant.
This isn’t the first time I’ve said this, and it won’t be the last—but I'm going to say it anyway: one of the greatest gifts you give is putting language to feelings I’ve carried but hadn’t yet named. And every time I read your work, I learn something about you, something about me, and something about what it means to be human and connected. Your offering carries so much value, my friend. 🧡
I feel sort of speechless, reading this. It's so whole, holding and acknowledging everything. And the line that's resonating for me: 'Learning to accommodate my wanting to someone else’s capacity.' How to move to believing and trusting that my own capacity is good, and contains everything I need? So much here, thank you.
Now I want to go buy a fancy new knife set for myself. To move on from the messy past of my divorce. I got the knife set in the divorce. Since then it has become the messy middle. A missing steak knife, stolen by an ex-boyfriend. The bent tip of the filet knife. The dulled and can’t be sharpened edges of the butcher knife. Those memories all live IN me, and I no longer need the physical and tangible almost daily reminders of them. I’d much rather have a knife at that feels good in my hands again, with earthy wooden handles (so I don’t get lazy and put them in the dishwasher) and a weightyness to them that they feel like they will last a lifetime, and not just through the cycle of another relationship. I want to affirm my relationship with my partner and myself now.
Thank you.
Going knife shopping now.
This says it all "practicing aliveness until it became more than theory". Its ongoing, always. To me, if we stop practicing, the magic and beauty will falter. This has been a beautiful series, Alex, and given me much to think about regarding presence and aliveness in all areas of life. Thank you! ✨✨
Beautiful Alex. You gave us such a gift in this series. Chapters of your life’s journey with finesse, emotion and wisdom. Thank you for opening our eyes and minds in what you have shared. i was struck by “Alone in the wanting I couldn’t speak”. Those words hit home for me. I don’t want this series to end. To continue along your journey with you finding mystery and awareness throughout your revelations is similar to having a great novel I can’t put down. I want to know where you are and what you face and how far you will go. I am hoping as you continue your destiny…you will consider keeping us abreast of your life’s discoveries, whichever emotion appears from them, as you retain your “presence”.
I love this, Alexander. The juxtaposition is so real and intimate. How often do we get such a 'groundhog day' that helps us realize how far we've come and how far we've yet to go? It illustrates the moment (and its lingerings) so vividly. The human experience in all its wonderful learning. How much we can learn from each other's journey. Thank you for sharing yours in this way. It is healing for so many. 🙏🏻
Such a perfect tale of having the past you show up alongside the present you.
Especially on the heels of a retrograde (at least I think it was..). It’s been ten years of me reintegrating the part of me I separated out, the part I created to walk in place of me, the part of me that was so very empty. I still work on gathering those shards back within me.
You will get there, my friend. You will. We’ll just all keep cheering each other on.
I recently had the experience of returning to a place I once occupied and had been toying with the idea of writing about it. But now I know I won’t—because you just did it, and (of course) knocked it out of the park. 🤣
But seriously, the way you're able to articulate the ache and emptiness of being in a relationship with someone yet still being alone is stunningly poignant.
This isn’t the first time I’ve said this, and it won’t be the last—but I'm going to say it anyway: one of the greatest gifts you give is putting language to feelings I’ve carried but hadn’t yet named. And every time I read your work, I learn something about you, something about me, and something about what it means to be human and connected. Your offering carries so much value, my friend. 🧡
I feel sort of speechless, reading this. It's so whole, holding and acknowledging everything. And the line that's resonating for me: 'Learning to accommodate my wanting to someone else’s capacity.' How to move to believing and trusting that my own capacity is good, and contains everything I need? So much here, thank you.