This: “But sitting there in the quiet, another truth emerged: those parts of us don't define us unless we keep dragging them into our future.” This made me stop and wonder as I prepare yet again for another and final move, “What parts am I dragging still into this next book of my life? Why am I dragging them?” Thank you for the ponder and the pause. 🤔 For me it’s not so much the actual things but more my beliefs on who I think I need to be. ❤️
Mmmmm. I love that. What a delicious question that I think I want to ponder too. Because in essence, while my post might be focused on things to a degree, it is also about the beliefs and the constructions of ourselves that constitute us. What a beautifully articulated question. Thank you for sharing with us. Truly.
Well done you! I have been gradually decluttering my house and bought something I didn't need - a decluttering kit!! But there's a prompt card which I keep pinned to my noticeboard, which says: 'Unsure about an item? Ask yourself: Do I love it? Does it bring me joy? Would I feel lighter without itl? Do I really need it? Do I use it? Will I notice it's gone? Is it worth the effort of keeping it? Is it holding me back?' That last one is powerful. Good luck with your move, and may the space you're creating be filled with abundance and joy.
Hi Susie! Thank you for sharing those questions with me (and us!). Given the number of likes that your comment has received, I’m pretty sure many of us have found it useful. I’ve taken it down and created my own little prompt card i'm carrying in my wallet now. Right next to my credit card. NO MORE CLUTTER PURCHASES. Haha. Thank you 🩵
Oh boy the memory this recalled in me! After 35 years living in one place, before our move, I was forced to decide what to take and what to discard. It took me more than a week to sort, separate, pile and decide. My husband and our boys were helping and after I exhausted myself daily, they took over. It was the most emotionally charged action I’ve ever experienced. I cried, I sighed, I argued! Finally all was decided and like Elsa, I let it go! Once we were settled in the new place, I went to find something and sadly my boys had thrown away half my life (or so I thought) without my permission. At first I was angry, but then I realized what I was looking for I hadn’t seen in literally years prior, so it really didn’t matter. Sentimentality seems to be as pronounced in my DNA as empathy, while empathy makes me a better human, sentimentality makes me foolish. It’s a lesson I learned well for the next time we move out of our home, 7 years down and counting! Thank you Alex! It’s uncanny how many memories your words and experiences trigger my own! But seriously, I like your way of dealing much better than mine!
I think we can all relate to what you share here, Kathy. Moving is always such a stressful and exhausting event. I am, personally, exhausted daily! And I am using this opportunity to truly declutter and leave things behind. Thankfully, now we have tools like facebook marketplace (the only reason I have facebook) to sell stuff on. And let me tell ya - I sure am helping make some money back from my move! Haha. Goodbye ugly side tables!
I appreciate the validation of how profoundly emotional it is to declutter!!
I upended my house during the lockdown and it was the best possible use of the time.
As a former thrift-shopping addict I had MOUNTAINS to let go of. I spent months doing the hard work.
I used a Facebook group, Nourishing Minimalism, to keep me accountable and once posted DAILY for about 40 days to let go of my acrylic finger puppets business (I still have the organic cotton one, but once my stock is sold, I’ve decided to retire it).
This is hard work, but wow, the impact on our lives is so much freedom and space to embrace the present!
Oh wow! Thank you for sharing, Melissa. It can be so profoundly emotional. It is amazing how weirdly emotional I am over things that I’ve accumulated in just one year in this house. I’m like - I just barely got you. 🫣
I can only imagine how difficult it was to let go of something that was also a business. But ultimately, the right decision it sounds like. I’m glad you found some support! Social media can be such a great force for our lives (in the right ways :) ).
Thank you for sharing a powerful complementary story to this post. And thank you for being here 🩵
I’m at a stage in life where death clearing is a real activity. The freedom that comes after releasing a long treasured item is amazing - often with tears but it still brings light into my life.
Thank you for sharing. It is poignant to read, and many emotions bubble up for me. There is freedom. Tears and light combine to make a beautiful tapestry, particularly when the light shines through.
Your piece reminded me that my partner and I still have "stuff" from our previous relationships. We managed to reduce most of the duplication when we moved house. However there is still "stuff" wrapped in newspaper in cupboards...🤔
For me, my mind is all the clearer with less clutter around, but convincing one's partner to "let go" of "stuff", that's a potential minefield!
I am attached to things that have a deep connection with. I realise I need to respect why others hold on to things.
I do feel that letting go is a sign of growth, but I need to be in the right place internally and externally to let go. It's about letting go of thoughts too.
I can relate to so much of what you shared here. Letting go of stuff also means letting go of thoughts. Totally. Sometimes I think that I keep stuff so I don’t even have to confront the thoughts that come with the discarding of the stuff!
I can relate to having stuff from prior relationships. I moved into this home after my divorce, and still, some of this came from that past relationship. Part of this move is letting these things go. Or trying to. It is a healing process. It hurts. But It has also been so wonderful.
Lovely. I now know to trust myself as regards letting go of stuff. If I don't get a 'full-body yes' to keeping it, it needs to go. Even if that involves sadness. And that's okay.
It is okay! We are allowed to feel. I think that was what came forward for me too. If i’m on the fence about something in my home - why am I keeping it?
Geez!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for this! This part really got to me: ''about the surprising lightness that comes when we trust ourselves enough to release what never truly belonged to us in the first place.'' Time to reflect and purge...eventually! ;-)
I kept many things that I knew were important to my mother. I have a statue of a farm girl milking a goat that taunts me every time I go down the basement. She looks at me, daring me to get rid of her. I know my mom probably paid some decent money for this wood carving. If I could, I'd give it away, but no one wants it.
One day I will find a home for her. In the meantime, tell me what's wrong with me, Dr.A!
But, honestly, I kept a rock that I took from a national park (I know, I was 19 and bad) till last year. I literally had it perched somewhere in my home to remind me that I could be “bad” if I wanted to be. That was the most “illegal” thing I had done.
Alex, You write so beautifully and there are several profound life lessons in this piece. For me, that started with the idea that objects are anchors and that we have relationships with them. Thus, letting go can be more of an emotional process than a simple task.
Thank you, Sandra, for the beautiful compliment and reflection. This piece was an interesting integration for me while packing. I didn’t realize how much emotion was present for me, and how much relationship and attachment I had with items.
Your essay today reminded me of a talk I gave to a group of women last year in Tennessee: "Declutter Your Life."
Afterwards, several women told me, "I thought I was going to learn how to reorganize my closet, but you spoke about how to declutter my inner life!"
And also your opening statement reminded me of one of my favorite books by Tim O'Brien called THE THINGS THEY CARRIED. It's a Vietnam historical novel, brilliantly written, but his first chapter is like a standalone essay about not just the literal items each soldier carried, but also about the emotional baggage they took with them.
I will need to pick up a copy of that book! It seems so familiar but I don’t believe I have read it. Or I have, but I don’t remember it. Either way, it’s time to read (or re-read!).
Sometimes people are, sometimes people aren’t. But we must move forward for ourselves, even if people aren’t willing to follow. Thank you for being here with us, Paolo 🩵
I’m sure you are speaking directly to me…I do not have these tables, I do have things that remind me that I bought them because I couldn’t wait for that which I loved and really wanted. I have quickly asked myself if I could let go of some other things that are reminders of sadness….my heart went into panic mode, there’s still work to do here!! 😉
I know I need to take the steps though, yet again thank you for your wisdom x
I really loved this whole post. I especially loved releasing the stuff that no longer (or never) fits as growth. It brings such a celebratory feel to it. I also really loved acknowledging that this ceramic mug isn't just a mug but Grandma's mug and it holds not just coffee but all our memories of Grandma.
Thank you, Jane! At least for me, personally, for growth to have happened, there needs to be points of progress… places for us to stop, look back, and say “wow, look at how far I have come.”
As I wrote this post, as I processed it, as I let it settled, I realized how wonderful of an exercise it is to release “stuff” from our homes! It is a point of progress. When something no longer fits. It marks growth. It allows us to shed stories and narratives and masks and whatever.
Another great reflection piece, Alex, thank you! I was planning on doing some downsizing this weekend already, and you just gave me the tools to accomplish trimming the physical and more importantly the emotional clutter. 💙
This process of letting go is surprisingly freeing. I've been a sentimental saver because of losing too many people from my family and life. A few years ago on Mother's Day Sunday we had a fire that destroyed many things I'd held sacred, and as remembrances. I've drug them around two states for 40 years. I even dug through the rubble to save what I could. I will make art from the fragments of my Mother's wedding china, and a collage of burnt photographs. I saved pieces of charred wood to draw with and I threw the rest away. I connected with this piece in a beautiful way. Thank you.
You taught an old dog something new with this comment. I have a LOT of things I need to rid myself of. I have been retired 20 years. I have physical books I haven't read since 2009. That was when I recieved my first ereader. Now, I just read on the apps on my phone. It is more convenient, weighs less, and is always with me.
Why am I keeping those physical books? I could rid myself of the bookcase that has become a catch all for other bits and pieces that do not have a home.
Thank you for giving me the clarity of reasoning as to why I haven't let them go. Now, I believe I can, and that old needless bookcase, too.
P.S. This old dog is 83 and 1/2 years old. Living proof we can learn from the younger, more wise among us.
This: “But sitting there in the quiet, another truth emerged: those parts of us don't define us unless we keep dragging them into our future.” This made me stop and wonder as I prepare yet again for another and final move, “What parts am I dragging still into this next book of my life? Why am I dragging them?” Thank you for the ponder and the pause. 🤔 For me it’s not so much the actual things but more my beliefs on who I think I need to be. ❤️
Mmmmm. I love that. What a delicious question that I think I want to ponder too. Because in essence, while my post might be focused on things to a degree, it is also about the beliefs and the constructions of ourselves that constitute us. What a beautifully articulated question. Thank you for sharing with us. Truly.
Well done you! I have been gradually decluttering my house and bought something I didn't need - a decluttering kit!! But there's a prompt card which I keep pinned to my noticeboard, which says: 'Unsure about an item? Ask yourself: Do I love it? Does it bring me joy? Would I feel lighter without itl? Do I really need it? Do I use it? Will I notice it's gone? Is it worth the effort of keeping it? Is it holding me back?' That last one is powerful. Good luck with your move, and may the space you're creating be filled with abundance and joy.
Hi Susie! Thank you for sharing those questions with me (and us!). Given the number of likes that your comment has received, I’m pretty sure many of us have found it useful. I’ve taken it down and created my own little prompt card i'm carrying in my wallet now. Right next to my credit card. NO MORE CLUTTER PURCHASES. Haha. Thank you 🩵
Aw, that's lovely to hear! An antidote to the call of the credit card!
Oh boy the memory this recalled in me! After 35 years living in one place, before our move, I was forced to decide what to take and what to discard. It took me more than a week to sort, separate, pile and decide. My husband and our boys were helping and after I exhausted myself daily, they took over. It was the most emotionally charged action I’ve ever experienced. I cried, I sighed, I argued! Finally all was decided and like Elsa, I let it go! Once we were settled in the new place, I went to find something and sadly my boys had thrown away half my life (or so I thought) without my permission. At first I was angry, but then I realized what I was looking for I hadn’t seen in literally years prior, so it really didn’t matter. Sentimentality seems to be as pronounced in my DNA as empathy, while empathy makes me a better human, sentimentality makes me foolish. It’s a lesson I learned well for the next time we move out of our home, 7 years down and counting! Thank you Alex! It’s uncanny how many memories your words and experiences trigger my own! But seriously, I like your way of dealing much better than mine!
I think we can all relate to what you share here, Kathy. Moving is always such a stressful and exhausting event. I am, personally, exhausted daily! And I am using this opportunity to truly declutter and leave things behind. Thankfully, now we have tools like facebook marketplace (the only reason I have facebook) to sell stuff on. And let me tell ya - I sure am helping make some money back from my move! Haha. Goodbye ugly side tables!
I appreciate the validation of how profoundly emotional it is to declutter!!
I upended my house during the lockdown and it was the best possible use of the time.
As a former thrift-shopping addict I had MOUNTAINS to let go of. I spent months doing the hard work.
I used a Facebook group, Nourishing Minimalism, to keep me accountable and once posted DAILY for about 40 days to let go of my acrylic finger puppets business (I still have the organic cotton one, but once my stock is sold, I’ve decided to retire it).
This is hard work, but wow, the impact on our lives is so much freedom and space to embrace the present!
Oh wow! Thank you for sharing, Melissa. It can be so profoundly emotional. It is amazing how weirdly emotional I am over things that I’ve accumulated in just one year in this house. I’m like - I just barely got you. 🫣
I can only imagine how difficult it was to let go of something that was also a business. But ultimately, the right decision it sounds like. I’m glad you found some support! Social media can be such a great force for our lives (in the right ways :) ).
Thank you for sharing a powerful complementary story to this post. And thank you for being here 🩵
I’m at a stage in life where death clearing is a real activity. The freedom that comes after releasing a long treasured item is amazing - often with tears but it still brings light into my life.
Thank you for sharing. It is poignant to read, and many emotions bubble up for me. There is freedom. Tears and light combine to make a beautiful tapestry, particularly when the light shines through.
Your piece reminded me that my partner and I still have "stuff" from our previous relationships. We managed to reduce most of the duplication when we moved house. However there is still "stuff" wrapped in newspaper in cupboards...🤔
For me, my mind is all the clearer with less clutter around, but convincing one's partner to "let go" of "stuff", that's a potential minefield!
I am attached to things that have a deep connection with. I realise I need to respect why others hold on to things.
I do feel that letting go is a sign of growth, but I need to be in the right place internally and externally to let go. It's about letting go of thoughts too.
Thank you for sharing, Jules. It’s all related.
I can relate to so much of what you shared here. Letting go of stuff also means letting go of thoughts. Totally. Sometimes I think that I keep stuff so I don’t even have to confront the thoughts that come with the discarding of the stuff!
I can relate to having stuff from prior relationships. I moved into this home after my divorce, and still, some of this came from that past relationship. Part of this move is letting these things go. Or trying to. It is a healing process. It hurts. But It has also been so wonderful.
Lovely. I now know to trust myself as regards letting go of stuff. If I don't get a 'full-body yes' to keeping it, it needs to go. Even if that involves sadness. And that's okay.
It is okay! We are allowed to feel. I think that was what came forward for me too. If i’m on the fence about something in my home - why am I keeping it?
Geez!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for this! This part really got to me: ''about the surprising lightness that comes when we trust ourselves enough to release what never truly belonged to us in the first place.'' Time to reflect and purge...eventually! ;-)
Eventually! No need to jump into it, but when it calls to you, I encourage you to answer the call, my friend. Thank you for being here. 🩵
I kept many things that I knew were important to my mother. I have a statue of a farm girl milking a goat that taunts me every time I go down the basement. She looks at me, daring me to get rid of her. I know my mom probably paid some decent money for this wood carving. If I could, I'd give it away, but no one wants it.
One day I will find a home for her. In the meantime, tell me what's wrong with me, Dr.A!
Hahaha. I am not that kind of psychologist 😂 😉
But, honestly, I kept a rock that I took from a national park (I know, I was 19 and bad) till last year. I literally had it perched somewhere in my home to remind me that I could be “bad” if I wanted to be. That was the most “illegal” thing I had done.
Last year I returned the rock 😂 It was time.
Tell me what’s wrong with me… 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Alex, You write so beautifully and there are several profound life lessons in this piece. For me, that started with the idea that objects are anchors and that we have relationships with them. Thus, letting go can be more of an emotional process than a simple task.
Thank you, Sandra, for the beautiful compliment and reflection. This piece was an interesting integration for me while packing. I didn’t realize how much emotion was present for me, and how much relationship and attachment I had with items.
Alex,
Your essay today reminded me of a talk I gave to a group of women last year in Tennessee: "Declutter Your Life."
Afterwards, several women told me, "I thought I was going to learn how to reorganize my closet, but you spoke about how to declutter my inner life!"
And also your opening statement reminded me of one of my favorite books by Tim O'Brien called THE THINGS THEY CARRIED. It's a Vietnam historical novel, brilliantly written, but his first chapter is like a standalone essay about not just the literal items each soldier carried, but also about the emotional baggage they took with them.
I will need to pick up a copy of that book! It seems so familiar but I don’t believe I have read it. Or I have, but I don’t remember it. Either way, it’s time to read (or re-read!).
Love throwing things. Letting go of stuff quickly, sometimes i got to ask if others are as willing as me. So i have learned
Sometimes people are, sometimes people aren’t. But we must move forward for ourselves, even if people aren’t willing to follow. Thank you for being here with us, Paolo 🩵
I’m sure you are speaking directly to me…I do not have these tables, I do have things that remind me that I bought them because I couldn’t wait for that which I loved and really wanted. I have quickly asked myself if I could let go of some other things that are reminders of sadness….my heart went into panic mode, there’s still work to do here!! 😉
I know I need to take the steps though, yet again thank you for your wisdom x
Haha, I do not wish these tables on ANYONE, Penelope! Although, someone did buy them 😂
I’m sure we all have things like this in our homes. And, we can all take steps toward moving on! Incrementally, of course. One step at a time 🩵
Well done in moving on from the tables 😉
I really loved this whole post. I especially loved releasing the stuff that no longer (or never) fits as growth. It brings such a celebratory feel to it. I also really loved acknowledging that this ceramic mug isn't just a mug but Grandma's mug and it holds not just coffee but all our memories of Grandma.
Thank you, Jane! At least for me, personally, for growth to have happened, there needs to be points of progress… places for us to stop, look back, and say “wow, look at how far I have come.”
As I wrote this post, as I processed it, as I let it settled, I realized how wonderful of an exercise it is to release “stuff” from our homes! It is a point of progress. When something no longer fits. It marks growth. It allows us to shed stories and narratives and masks and whatever.
Thank you for being here, Jane. 🩵
Another great reflection piece, Alex, thank you! I was planning on doing some downsizing this weekend already, and you just gave me the tools to accomplish trimming the physical and more importantly the emotional clutter. 💙
This process of letting go is surprisingly freeing. I've been a sentimental saver because of losing too many people from my family and life. A few years ago on Mother's Day Sunday we had a fire that destroyed many things I'd held sacred, and as remembrances. I've drug them around two states for 40 years. I even dug through the rubble to save what I could. I will make art from the fragments of my Mother's wedding china, and a collage of burnt photographs. I saved pieces of charred wood to draw with and I threw the rest away. I connected with this piece in a beautiful way. Thank you.
You taught an old dog something new with this comment. I have a LOT of things I need to rid myself of. I have been retired 20 years. I have physical books I haven't read since 2009. That was when I recieved my first ereader. Now, I just read on the apps on my phone. It is more convenient, weighs less, and is always with me.
Why am I keeping those physical books? I could rid myself of the bookcase that has become a catch all for other bits and pieces that do not have a home.
Thank you for giving me the clarity of reasoning as to why I haven't let them go. Now, I believe I can, and that old needless bookcase, too.
P.S. This old dog is 83 and 1/2 years old. Living proof we can learn from the younger, more wise among us.