Oh my gosh! This is the best example of a collaborative article you both and you inspire me so much!
It's been the same with me about money. Tiny tiny choices adding up. Not feeling guilty for booking a cab instead of using public transport because I was exhausted. Not feeling shame, and later even demanding from my parents to buy things for me (told myself it's okay because i never let them pah when we go out, and I love receiving from them in tiny ways). Not flinching when I've to depend on my husband during low business months.
It's been one step at a time. One day at a time.
And this post made me feel seen than ever before! So thank you thank you thank you for this!
Shruthi! You compliment about this being the best example of a collaborative article means so much. We really did make and effort to make this truly collaborative. I guess it helps that we are so on the same page about so many things.
and yes, money is a touchy subject, and it is the tiny choices adding up. and some big decisions along the way. Not flinching, just moving through.
Oh, thank you, Shruthi! I so appreciate you! I'm so glad you feel seen by this post - we were hoping people would. Money is a tricky subject, especially since our beliefs about money come from so much more than just what we were "taught."
I was raised with a scarcity mindset, as was my husband. Somehow we have managed to operate from an abundance prospective. Where there times when money was tight in a 40+ year marriage? Yes.
But even then my hubby still insisted we focus doing what was needed, even in times when less income was coming in. (And no, that did not include running up debt on credit cards.) What was making gifts, rather than buying a bunch of tat for big bucks.
It meant staycations instead of expensive vacations. It meant playing board games with the family, or having a video night in, instead of going to the movies or out to dinner.
It also gave space for building relationships with each child and learning to genuinely have fun together.
Congratulations on your launch of "Life as We See it"!
Nancy, thank you for your congratulations. I'm honored to be part of Life as WE See It!
I personally prefer the family game night over a fancy expensive night out. I prefer hunting for the perfect outfit in a consignment store over the high end boutique. There was a time when these choices were necessities, and now they are choices I continue even though I have the abundance to do otherwise.
Teri Leigh, same here. We would take the girls shopping at "Sally's Boutique" AKA Salvation Army or City Mission. I scored some very expensive cast offs for pennies on the dollar. Being frugal doesn't mean going without.
I'm so glad you were able to work through the scarcity mindset and move into an abundance perspective! That shift is so difficult 🩵 I love that you were able to build relationship with each child and have fun together. It is such a beautiful and important part of this evolution.
And thank you! I can't wait to continue to evolve Life As We See It! Try new things, and have fun. Writing collaboratively is so much fun. I LOVE it!
After my parents got divorced, we never had paper towels in the house. Or Kleenex. We used cheap napkins at dinner and a towel for the counter and our noses had to survive being blown in to toilet paper. To this day, when I have house guests (or even my own husband) that, in my estimation, have used too many paper towels or Kleenex, irritation sets in. Do they not understand how lucky they are to have Kleenex?!? It's ridiculous, and I can't stop it. We buy both in bulk at Costco. We can absolutely afford them. But my nervous system knows that having paper towels and Kleenex means safety, and should I ever again run out, it will mean something much greater. Thank you both for telling these stories of money that are not about money but about so much more. I am leaning in hard to what they are telling me about myself.
Oh, Jess, not ridiculous at all. This is a perfect illustration of what we are talking about. These experiences seem to follow us around, throughout our lives. Something as simple as strawberries triggers me. Something as minor as an extra Kleenex, and yet, people don't realize how lucky they are that they can use that extra Kleenex without a second thought, when we have to bear the memory and weight of that experience. Thank you for sharing, Jess. I so appreciate you. 🩵
I was the same way about paper towels and kleenex in my "poor days"...there was a span of 4-5 years where I lived off less than $1000 per month. I lived out of my car. When I did get a place, I never bought any of the things other people would consider "essential" like paper towels. I still prefer to use dish towels, cloth napkins, and handkerchiefs.
My husband loves his paper towels, and we can absolutely afford them. a part of me cringes every time he grabs one to simply dry off his hands.
Imagine simply drying off your hands. No thought given to use of not one but two sections of a paper towel. I never want to be wasteful, but my hang up on paper towels is so much more about scarcity than it is about waste. Thanks for creating the space to ask ourselves these questions. And to talk about paper towels. 🤣
This thread is funny, because i did not allow paper towels in my house for years. We had one hidden roll for wiping out the cast iron pans occasionally. I never buy Kleenex still unless someone has a cold. The paper towels are “hidden” under the sink and serve as our napkins most of the time. My husband serves up a quarter of a paper towels for a napkin so we only use half of one at a meal. My kids were raised with cloth napkins only, and I ask myself often why I don’t go back to cloth only. They find the shift amusing, but all of us are astonished if someone rolls out 20 paper towels to clean up water on the floor. We nearly run each other over trying to get them a damn cloth towel.
I am sitting with this paper towels luxury as is this scarcity versus abundance or just plain wasteful of a limited resource. I love trees, but i also love making random drawings on construction paper no matter if my grandkids are around or not. Cloth napkins and regular dish towels are the luxury of taking an extra moment to pamper ourselves with beautiful things.
I love a good ramble. I think its not so much about paper or cloth towels or waste. I think its about whatever the thing is that triggers that sense of scarcity for you, whatever it is that leaves you wanting and that is directly related to finances. We still use paper towels in my house, but we never use plastic bags, and I've spent a fortune on reusable bags, something my mother would have NEVER even contemplated, much less spent the money to buy. Bags aren't my trigger. Paper towels are. 🤷♀️
If you look in my original comment on this article, you will see that food is mine except i try so hard to embrace abundance i always have too much food. I seldom throw any away, but my fridge and pantry are full all the time. Recently i stopped by a roadside stand and bought 10 ears of corn, atleast 20 peppers, a cantaloupe and a watermelon, tomatoes, cucumbers, and i only stopped for peaches and left without my change. It makes me chuckle at myself. A young friend came to dinner to catch up knowing we are leaving in a week and acknowledged my full fridge as his good fortune.
Great example of a collaborative article, Alex and Teri Leigh! Can't wait to see what's up next.
I always flinch when I read about money. I have struggled with my relationship with money since I was a kid. My dad has always carried a scarcity mindset about money, and I believe I adopted that from him--always wondering if we'd have enough, worrying about how to pay an unexpected expense, pinching every penny and being so frugal that the "cheapest" option was always the "best deal."
I still struggle, because I wonder if I tie monetary value with my self-worth. I think I might. That's why it's hard for me to ask for money or charge or even spend on something that seems to be "extra."
It's hard to know what to do when you are living on one income for seven people. Really hard.
This looks great, Teri Leigh. Very excited for you!
I think everyone deals with these issues to some degree. That you are managing one income for 7 people is truly phenomenal. The skills you are building with that will serve you exceptionally well in years to come.
I lived on less than $1000/month for about 5 years. Those years were really really hard. And in hindsight, I learned so much and developed some deep values in those years that I cherish now.
I love how you re-frame this, Teri Leigh. I think I will try to remember that I am learning some good skills in these lean years. You’re right—it’s kind of a marvel that we don’t have debt (except our mortgage and a small balance to pay for a new HVAC system) and live on one income for seven people! I should congratulate myself for that! :)
I’m so glad you think so, my friend. I’ll admit, this is my first on my publication AND I had no idea what I was doing 😂
You were a great example to follow 🩵
Money is such a flinchable thing. It is a behavior and set of beliefs that are passed down to us. I still encounter so many interesting beliefs that aren’t mine but are my parents every week! It’s hard to sort out!
Thank you for this. It's so important to talk about our financial identities. Our money stories are often colouring so many other aspects of our identity and our lives.
Alex, I love how you relate eveything to aliveness. I really enjoyed exploring the theme of money with you and Teri. The timing seems just right with the economy on the precipice. I know I could relax more about money, and you two are inspiring me in that direction.
@Sandra Pawula - this means the world to us. Alex and I have really enjoyed collaborating on a number of things, and his approach to aliveness is a perfect blend with my world of sensitivity.
Are you considering joining the Abundant Money Mindset Program? I’m so excited about the community building over there. Applications are open until Sept 30th.
Teri, I am so happy for you. Little do we know, when financial problems seem to rear their ugly head, the door might seem to be closed, but it can really be opening to new possibilities. I love this collaboration between you and Alex. You both share such insights and wisdom!
That was a beautiful read. Something in your words touched a quiet place in me. No judgment, just a clear-eyed look at my own story. Thank you both for sharing this collaborative piece, because it’s a gift.
Scarcity versus abundance has been an interesting path for me. My mother was raised with scarcity and my father abundance. I try to choose abundance, but as i looked closer my overflowing fridge and cupboard come from over compensation of the lingering engrained scarcity. Beautifully my adult children never have overflowing fridges or cupboard and they tease me kindly. I am learning my own teachings back from them in small simple ways.
I observe the scarcity mindset in so many people regardless of their financial status. Some have wealth they will never even come close to spending in their lifetime, but waste their precious time driving 10 miles for 2 cent cheaper gas, don’t buy the farm fresh eggs, and have never felt the joy of over tipping a server or a yoga teacher who brought them peace in their “busy” life.
An early lesson for me happened when i was a young mother and coached my kids in soccer. All the other parents were more financially stable than us. I bought pizza for a soccer party and they all shorted me for one reason or another. As i drove to my own soccer game, i saw a homeless man and handed him all the money they gave me and swore i would live generously for the rest of my days, and that my children would understand abundance.
The homeless man wept at the uncounted wad of money i handed him, probably because i was maybe 28 years old driving a beater car. I wept too.
Appreciate learning more about you both! Incredible messages you are both sharing. Thank you for being such beautiful examples of following nudges, your heart, in the ways to share wisdom.
Oh my gosh! This is the best example of a collaborative article you both and you inspire me so much!
It's been the same with me about money. Tiny tiny choices adding up. Not feeling guilty for booking a cab instead of using public transport because I was exhausted. Not feeling shame, and later even demanding from my parents to buy things for me (told myself it's okay because i never let them pah when we go out, and I love receiving from them in tiny ways). Not flinching when I've to depend on my husband during low business months.
It's been one step at a time. One day at a time.
And this post made me feel seen than ever before! So thank you thank you thank you for this!
Shruthi! You compliment about this being the best example of a collaborative article means so much. We really did make and effort to make this truly collaborative. I guess it helps that we are so on the same page about so many things.
and yes, money is a touchy subject, and it is the tiny choices adding up. and some big decisions along the way. Not flinching, just moving through.
Oh, thank you, Shruthi! I so appreciate you! I'm so glad you feel seen by this post - we were hoping people would. Money is a tricky subject, especially since our beliefs about money come from so much more than just what we were "taught."
I was raised with a scarcity mindset, as was my husband. Somehow we have managed to operate from an abundance prospective. Where there times when money was tight in a 40+ year marriage? Yes.
But even then my hubby still insisted we focus doing what was needed, even in times when less income was coming in. (And no, that did not include running up debt on credit cards.) What was making gifts, rather than buying a bunch of tat for big bucks.
It meant staycations instead of expensive vacations. It meant playing board games with the family, or having a video night in, instead of going to the movies or out to dinner.
It also gave space for building relationships with each child and learning to genuinely have fun together.
Congratulations on your launch of "Life as We See it"!
Nancy, thank you for your congratulations. I'm honored to be part of Life as WE See It!
I personally prefer the family game night over a fancy expensive night out. I prefer hunting for the perfect outfit in a consignment store over the high end boutique. There was a time when these choices were necessities, and now they are choices I continue even though I have the abundance to do otherwise.
Teri Leigh, same here. We would take the girls shopping at "Sally's Boutique" AKA Salvation Army or City Mission. I scored some very expensive cast offs for pennies on the dollar. Being frugal doesn't mean going without.
I'm so glad you were able to work through the scarcity mindset and move into an abundance perspective! That shift is so difficult 🩵 I love that you were able to build relationship with each child and have fun together. It is such a beautiful and important part of this evolution.
And thank you! I can't wait to continue to evolve Life As We See It! Try new things, and have fun. Writing collaboratively is so much fun. I LOVE it!
After my parents got divorced, we never had paper towels in the house. Or Kleenex. We used cheap napkins at dinner and a towel for the counter and our noses had to survive being blown in to toilet paper. To this day, when I have house guests (or even my own husband) that, in my estimation, have used too many paper towels or Kleenex, irritation sets in. Do they not understand how lucky they are to have Kleenex?!? It's ridiculous, and I can't stop it. We buy both in bulk at Costco. We can absolutely afford them. But my nervous system knows that having paper towels and Kleenex means safety, and should I ever again run out, it will mean something much greater. Thank you both for telling these stories of money that are not about money but about so much more. I am leaning in hard to what they are telling me about myself.
Oh, Jess, not ridiculous at all. This is a perfect illustration of what we are talking about. These experiences seem to follow us around, throughout our lives. Something as simple as strawberries triggers me. Something as minor as an extra Kleenex, and yet, people don't realize how lucky they are that they can use that extra Kleenex without a second thought, when we have to bear the memory and weight of that experience. Thank you for sharing, Jess. I so appreciate you. 🩵
I was the same way about paper towels and kleenex in my "poor days"...there was a span of 4-5 years where I lived off less than $1000 per month. I lived out of my car. When I did get a place, I never bought any of the things other people would consider "essential" like paper towels. I still prefer to use dish towels, cloth napkins, and handkerchiefs.
My husband loves his paper towels, and we can absolutely afford them. a part of me cringes every time he grabs one to simply dry off his hands.
thanks for sharing your story Jess.
Imagine simply drying off your hands. No thought given to use of not one but two sections of a paper towel. I never want to be wasteful, but my hang up on paper towels is so much more about scarcity than it is about waste. Thanks for creating the space to ask ourselves these questions. And to talk about paper towels. 🤣
This thread is funny, because i did not allow paper towels in my house for years. We had one hidden roll for wiping out the cast iron pans occasionally. I never buy Kleenex still unless someone has a cold. The paper towels are “hidden” under the sink and serve as our napkins most of the time. My husband serves up a quarter of a paper towels for a napkin so we only use half of one at a meal. My kids were raised with cloth napkins only, and I ask myself often why I don’t go back to cloth only. They find the shift amusing, but all of us are astonished if someone rolls out 20 paper towels to clean up water on the floor. We nearly run each other over trying to get them a damn cloth towel.
I am sitting with this paper towels luxury as is this scarcity versus abundance or just plain wasteful of a limited resource. I love trees, but i also love making random drawings on construction paper no matter if my grandkids are around or not. Cloth napkins and regular dish towels are the luxury of taking an extra moment to pamper ourselves with beautiful things.
That was a ramble. Thanks for the amusement.
I love a good ramble. I think its not so much about paper or cloth towels or waste. I think its about whatever the thing is that triggers that sense of scarcity for you, whatever it is that leaves you wanting and that is directly related to finances. We still use paper towels in my house, but we never use plastic bags, and I've spent a fortune on reusable bags, something my mother would have NEVER even contemplated, much less spent the money to buy. Bags aren't my trigger. Paper towels are. 🤷♀️
If you look in my original comment on this article, you will see that food is mine except i try so hard to embrace abundance i always have too much food. I seldom throw any away, but my fridge and pantry are full all the time. Recently i stopped by a roadside stand and bought 10 ears of corn, atleast 20 peppers, a cantaloupe and a watermelon, tomatoes, cucumbers, and i only stopped for peaches and left without my change. It makes me chuckle at myself. A young friend came to dinner to catch up knowing we are leaving in a week and acknowledged my full fridge as his good fortune.
Oh, I love that! A full fridge and a fortunate friend.
Great example of a collaborative article, Alex and Teri Leigh! Can't wait to see what's up next.
I always flinch when I read about money. I have struggled with my relationship with money since I was a kid. My dad has always carried a scarcity mindset about money, and I believe I adopted that from him--always wondering if we'd have enough, worrying about how to pay an unexpected expense, pinching every penny and being so frugal that the "cheapest" option was always the "best deal."
I still struggle, because I wonder if I tie monetary value with my self-worth. I think I might. That's why it's hard for me to ask for money or charge or even spend on something that seems to be "extra."
It's hard to know what to do when you are living on one income for seven people. Really hard.
This looks great, Teri Leigh. Very excited for you!
you bring up two very important points.
• the ancestral influence of money attitudes
• the connection between money and self-worth
I think everyone deals with these issues to some degree. That you are managing one income for 7 people is truly phenomenal. The skills you are building with that will serve you exceptionally well in years to come.
I lived on less than $1000/month for about 5 years. Those years were really really hard. And in hindsight, I learned so much and developed some deep values in those years that I cherish now.
I love how you re-frame this, Teri Leigh. I think I will try to remember that I am learning some good skills in these lean years. You’re right—it’s kind of a marvel that we don’t have debt (except our mortgage and a small balance to pay for a new HVAC system) and live on one income for seven people! I should congratulate myself for that! :)
I’m so glad you think so, my friend. I’ll admit, this is my first on my publication AND I had no idea what I was doing 😂
You were a great example to follow 🩵
Money is such a flinchable thing. It is a behavior and set of beliefs that are passed down to us. I still encounter so many interesting beliefs that aren’t mine but are my parents every week! It’s hard to sort out!
Thank you for this. It's so important to talk about our financial identities. Our money stories are often colouring so many other aspects of our identity and our lives.
Alex, I love how you relate eveything to aliveness. I really enjoyed exploring the theme of money with you and Teri. The timing seems just right with the economy on the precipice. I know I could relax more about money, and you two are inspiring me in that direction.
@Sandra Pawula - this means the world to us. Alex and I have really enjoyed collaborating on a number of things, and his approach to aliveness is a perfect blend with my world of sensitivity.
Are you considering joining the Abundant Money Mindset Program? I’m so excited about the community building over there. Applications are open until Sept 30th.
https://forms.gle/wPbRLM6rKK9bfRAJ8
Teri, I am so happy for you. Little do we know, when financial problems seem to rear their ugly head, the door might seem to be closed, but it can really be opening to new possibilities. I love this collaboration between you and Alex. You both share such insights and wisdom!
We really enjoyed co-authoring together. Leaning into each other’s styles and seeing where they could intersect.
I do have to say, since bankruptcy, I am no longer afraid about losing. I know I can rebuild from nothing and make it all better than it was before.
That was a beautiful read. Something in your words touched a quiet place in me. No judgment, just a clear-eyed look at my own story. Thank you both for sharing this collaborative piece, because it’s a gift.
Scarcity versus abundance has been an interesting path for me. My mother was raised with scarcity and my father abundance. I try to choose abundance, but as i looked closer my overflowing fridge and cupboard come from over compensation of the lingering engrained scarcity. Beautifully my adult children never have overflowing fridges or cupboard and they tease me kindly. I am learning my own teachings back from them in small simple ways.
I observe the scarcity mindset in so many people regardless of their financial status. Some have wealth they will never even come close to spending in their lifetime, but waste their precious time driving 10 miles for 2 cent cheaper gas, don’t buy the farm fresh eggs, and have never felt the joy of over tipping a server or a yoga teacher who brought them peace in their “busy” life.
An early lesson for me happened when i was a young mother and coached my kids in soccer. All the other parents were more financially stable than us. I bought pizza for a soccer party and they all shorted me for one reason or another. As i drove to my own soccer game, i saw a homeless man and handed him all the money they gave me and swore i would live generously for the rest of my days, and that my children would understand abundance.
The homeless man wept at the uncounted wad of money i handed him, probably because i was maybe 28 years old driving a beater car. I wept too.
Appreciate learning more about you both! Incredible messages you are both sharing. Thank you for being such beautiful examples of following nudges, your heart, in the ways to share wisdom.
I love all of this so much!