Alex, love the photos! I am dying to know who the other person in "we" is in this story. Oh, and your essay inspired me to suggest to Ben that we wing our Friday night date night in a similar way to how you wound up at Chick-fil-A: let's just wing it! (HAHAHA--Chick-fil-A and wing in the same sentence. Totally unintentional there.)
I've learned to say yes, when that moment occurs, to go with the impulse and not pump the brakes. To feel free and spontaneous IS magical. It's led to many wonderful moments for me. Hope you are the same. Love , Virg
Alex, what an amazing essay! True spontaneity is wonderful, and too often, people follow rigid plans. Yet, there's so much meaning in just chilling and doing activities that come naturally, rather than sticking to a planned schedule of events and timelines.
I love all of your essay, but the following words really struck a chord in me: "But I'm learning that following impulses is a skill, like any other. A muscle that needs strengthening. The more you practice saying yes to small spontaneous moments, the more available you become to larger ones. The more you trust your impulses with low-stakes decisions, the more you can trust them when higher stakes emerge." So many people believe they need to "control" their impulses, that impulses are not good things. But you are so right: impulses can be great, and following one's impulse can be a catalyst to having a wonderful spontaneous life.
Thank you, my friend, for providing another meaningful piece of work. I so appreciate your insights.
There's a lightness to this post I haven't detected before. Like you're embodying exactly what you're writing about. Not sure if it's outside in or inside out, probably both, but boy is it fun to have a front-row seat. Thank you for allowing us to be a part of your journey—what an honor.
"The question isn't whether impulses are wise or foolish. The question is whether you trust them enough to find out what they're trying to tell you."
Trying to catch up on my reading—so, so glad I opened this tonight. Missed your words and wisdom, my friend. 🧡
Confession: I'm an extremely spontaneous and impulsive soul, married to an overthinker, planner and needs to have systems person lol. For some time, I thought my spontaneity was a bad thing, until I realised we just had to come in between. Like I can't just run off anywhere (I've done that), and my partner can't be too rigid, otherwise we won't experience life!
So we always have a set of rules planned before. Like for X hours (we set a timer, based on when we leave and sunset timing), we can go anywhere our heart calls out to...anywhere we want. But after the timer rings, we need to start our way back lol.
You reminded me of all those memories where we had to compromise and come in between, without letting go of who we are. Thank you so much, Alex!
Spontaneity is beautiful! Awe-inspiring! And you find so many things, places and people you'd have never found before!
'Spontaneity is responsiveness. It's the willingness to follow the intelligence of the moment rather than forcing the moment to follow your predetermined plan.'
Spot on. I had a similar experience today, on an art course. Art scares me. I never know what best to do. But somehow, on this occasion, I simply listened and followed. 'Use a piece of charcoal now', 'use some tissue paper', 'scribble some pastel'. I guess it's the closest I've come to flow. All I had to do was say 'yes' to whatever whispered next. Towards the end, I got back into thinking, scared of 'ruining' it. I've learned to stop when it's time to stop! (hopefully)
You are so right. We are trained to apply the brakes rather than being spontaneous. And we do tend to think of spontaneity as being chaotic, or at least, not thought out and sensible.
Acting impulsively tends to conjur up a negative connotation. Is being impulsive the same as being spontaneous? Maybe. Maybe not. I don't think being spontaneous has quite the same negative connotation as being impulsive does.
I love your point that we should stop performing life and start living it. We'd probably all be a lot happier.
"The sacred hides in the ordinary, but only when you're present enough to recognize it. Only when you're not so busy managing the moment that you miss the aliveness moving through it."
Alex, my friend I believe you are discovering the secret of life that infuses joy and happiness into one’s soul. No one can tell it like you! Delightful spontaneity. I love this! Thank you.
"meaning doesn't come from perfect circumstances or ideal locations or flawless execution. It comes from presence."
For me these words were the biggest take-away. It is also how I spent time with my individual daughter's. My collection of so many memories, so often stem from spontaneous moments we spent with each other. I needed to stain our Adirondack chairs, my 5 and 7 year old wanted to help. None of the afternoon was planned, but, oh my, what laughter and memories remain.
My shaman teacher was adamant about the difference between ritual and ceremony.
He described ceremony as planned, organized, structured, and meticulously curated to the tiniest of detail. He offered traditional weddings as examples, and labeled them as stale, lifeless, boring, and mundane.
He described ritual as open, free, spacious, and intentional. He explained that the only ingredients necessary were intention and space holding for an opening to take place. He used words like sacred, abundant, vibrant, and vivid.
My first wedding was a ceremony with the big white dress, the first dance, the reception line, and every detail planned. That marriage died an ugly divorce a decade later.
My second wedding was a series of five natural rituals where we set an intention to open a space of connection between us and let nature (earth, water, air, fire, nature, mineral) lead us into unknown territory. What you describe here is what happened. the beauty of nature. depth of conversation. simplicity met with intimacy. This marriage is flourishing in ways I didn't know my garden of aliveness could grow and surprises me every single day.
Thanks for giving me the another topic for a Hobbit & Owl article!
Alexander - I rather like how you put words to that choice point: brakes or aliveness. What stood out to me is how the whole evening built on one “yes” at a time. It’s easy to forget that most of what brings meaning isn’t in the big plans but in the everyday moments when we don’t over-manage. Your story made me think about how often I cut myself off from that kind of momentum without even realizing it.
If we over plan,
how will synchronicity
find and surprise us?
...
If we over prepare,
how will serendipity
catch, astonish us?
...
If we over think
how will spontaneity
delight us, school us?
... Can "sense of aliveness" replace synchronicity, serendipity, spontaneity in the verses above?
"meaning doesn't come from perfect circumstances or ideal locations or flawless execution. It comes from presence. "
Being present counts for a lot.
Alex, love the photos! I am dying to know who the other person in "we" is in this story. Oh, and your essay inspired me to suggest to Ben that we wing our Friday night date night in a similar way to how you wound up at Chick-fil-A: let's just wing it! (HAHAHA--Chick-fil-A and wing in the same sentence. Totally unintentional there.)
I've learned to say yes, when that moment occurs, to go with the impulse and not pump the brakes. To feel free and spontaneous IS magical. It's led to many wonderful moments for me. Hope you are the same. Love , Virg
Alex, what an amazing essay! True spontaneity is wonderful, and too often, people follow rigid plans. Yet, there's so much meaning in just chilling and doing activities that come naturally, rather than sticking to a planned schedule of events and timelines.
I love all of your essay, but the following words really struck a chord in me: "But I'm learning that following impulses is a skill, like any other. A muscle that needs strengthening. The more you practice saying yes to small spontaneous moments, the more available you become to larger ones. The more you trust your impulses with low-stakes decisions, the more you can trust them when higher stakes emerge." So many people believe they need to "control" their impulses, that impulses are not good things. But you are so right: impulses can be great, and following one's impulse can be a catalyst to having a wonderful spontaneous life.
Thank you, my friend, for providing another meaningful piece of work. I so appreciate your insights.
There's a lightness to this post I haven't detected before. Like you're embodying exactly what you're writing about. Not sure if it's outside in or inside out, probably both, but boy is it fun to have a front-row seat. Thank you for allowing us to be a part of your journey—what an honor.
"The question isn't whether impulses are wise or foolish. The question is whether you trust them enough to find out what they're trying to tell you."
Trying to catch up on my reading—so, so glad I opened this tonight. Missed your words and wisdom, my friend. 🧡
Confession: I'm an extremely spontaneous and impulsive soul, married to an overthinker, planner and needs to have systems person lol. For some time, I thought my spontaneity was a bad thing, until I realised we just had to come in between. Like I can't just run off anywhere (I've done that), and my partner can't be too rigid, otherwise we won't experience life!
So we always have a set of rules planned before. Like for X hours (we set a timer, based on when we leave and sunset timing), we can go anywhere our heart calls out to...anywhere we want. But after the timer rings, we need to start our way back lol.
You reminded me of all those memories where we had to compromise and come in between, without letting go of who we are. Thank you so much, Alex!
Spontaneity is beautiful! Awe-inspiring! And you find so many things, places and people you'd have never found before!
Here's to following the yesses.
A splurge by the lake with chick-a-filet? Yes, yes, YES.
Sounds like a perfect spontaneous bit of joy. 💞
'Spontaneity is responsiveness. It's the willingness to follow the intelligence of the moment rather than forcing the moment to follow your predetermined plan.'
Spot on. I had a similar experience today, on an art course. Art scares me. I never know what best to do. But somehow, on this occasion, I simply listened and followed. 'Use a piece of charcoal now', 'use some tissue paper', 'scribble some pastel'. I guess it's the closest I've come to flow. All I had to do was say 'yes' to whatever whispered next. Towards the end, I got back into thinking, scared of 'ruining' it. I've learned to stop when it's time to stop! (hopefully)
Hi Alex,
You are so right. We are trained to apply the brakes rather than being spontaneous. And we do tend to think of spontaneity as being chaotic, or at least, not thought out and sensible.
Acting impulsively tends to conjur up a negative connotation. Is being impulsive the same as being spontaneous? Maybe. Maybe not. I don't think being spontaneous has quite the same negative connotation as being impulsive does.
I love your point that we should stop performing life and start living it. We'd probably all be a lot happier.
"The sacred hides in the ordinary, but only when you're present enough to recognize it. Only when you're not so busy managing the moment that you miss the aliveness moving through it."
What a gem those wise words are. Alex. Thank you.
Alex, my friend I believe you are discovering the secret of life that infuses joy and happiness into one’s soul. No one can tell it like you! Delightful spontaneity. I love this! Thank you.
"meaning doesn't come from perfect circumstances or ideal locations or flawless execution. It comes from presence."
For me these words were the biggest take-away. It is also how I spent time with my individual daughter's. My collection of so many memories, so often stem from spontaneous moments we spent with each other. I needed to stain our Adirondack chairs, my 5 and 7 year old wanted to help. None of the afternoon was planned, but, oh my, what laughter and memories remain.
My shaman teacher was adamant about the difference between ritual and ceremony.
He described ceremony as planned, organized, structured, and meticulously curated to the tiniest of detail. He offered traditional weddings as examples, and labeled them as stale, lifeless, boring, and mundane.
He described ritual as open, free, spacious, and intentional. He explained that the only ingredients necessary were intention and space holding for an opening to take place. He used words like sacred, abundant, vibrant, and vivid.
My first wedding was a ceremony with the big white dress, the first dance, the reception line, and every detail planned. That marriage died an ugly divorce a decade later.
My second wedding was a series of five natural rituals where we set an intention to open a space of connection between us and let nature (earth, water, air, fire, nature, mineral) lead us into unknown territory. What you describe here is what happened. the beauty of nature. depth of conversation. simplicity met with intimacy. This marriage is flourishing in ways I didn't know my garden of aliveness could grow and surprises me every single day.
Thanks for giving me the another topic for a Hobbit & Owl article!
Alexander - I rather like how you put words to that choice point: brakes or aliveness. What stood out to me is how the whole evening built on one “yes” at a time. It’s easy to forget that most of what brings meaning isn’t in the big plans but in the everyday moments when we don’t over-manage. Your story made me think about how often I cut myself off from that kind of momentum without even realizing it.
"The sacred hides in the ordinary, but only when you're present enough to recognize it." Yes!!! ✨✨